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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

should I drop him off and pick him up?

58 replies

ClaudiaApfelstrudel · 01/03/2016 13:02

my DH has to work today in a place that's about 15 minutes drive from home. There is a parking problem but if he looks around I'm pretty sure he'll find somewhere. If not there is on street parking within a 10-15 minute walk.

He wants me to drop him off, then pick him up again and spend most of the day running around after him because he doesn't want to have to find somewhere to park and/or walk from the parking spot into work. I myself have to work this evening and today is a day where I tend to unwind without kids and work until this evening.

AIBU to not take him and tell him he should find a parking space and/or walk for 10 to 15 minutes? He's gone now and left seething and now I feel so guilty but I would never have asked him if the shoe were on the other foot

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 01/03/2016 13:24

Yanbu his job his responsibility to get there.

That said my dh sometimes drives me into work giving up an hour if his time and bring late to start his own work. It's nice to get a but of time together and nice he does little things for me. I'd never expect it and sometime would say don't bother making yourself late.

Do you usually do things to make each other's lives easier?

HermioneJeanGranger · 01/03/2016 13:27

YANBU at all.

He could drive, find a parking spot, and walk from there to work himself. Why should OP give up a couple of hours of her valuable free time to drive him when he's perfectly capable of driving himself?!

LaContessaDiPlump · 01/03/2016 13:29

Could he perhaps cycle op?

ComeonSummer1 · 01/03/2016 13:30

But I don't see the joy of a relationship here.

He is 'lazy and selfish' and do you punish him my refusing to help.

Jesus like is hard enough without supporting each other and give and take.

Grim way to live.

Original poster
ClaudiaApfelstrudel · 01/03/2016 13:32

well he's very lazy and does little to no exercise at all so I suppose walking 10-15 minutes is a big task for him which is why I think he stormed of so angrily. I feel guilty because I like to have a close relationship where we do things for each other but I feel that most of the time it's me doing things for him and not visa-versa..he's very much an 'if you give him an inch he'll take a mile' rather than an 'I'll scratch my back if you scratch mine' sort of person.

I could perhaps have gone for a coffee as there is a coffee shop nearby so it would have been a good idea but I don't want to have to spend 2-3 hours waiting around on my day off Confused

OP posts:
icklekid · 01/03/2016 13:32

People who say 15mins drive is more than 30 min walk are missing the fact that op dh could drive and park a max 15min away hence the 30 min walk. As a one off I would drive for dh but wouldn't want it to be regular drive 30 mins be home for 30 mins and then drive 30 mins again!

KinkyAfro · 01/03/2016 13:35

It was an hour earlier, now it's 2-3 hours. I would've done it

Original poster
ClaudiaApfelstrudel · 01/03/2016 13:38

kinky I mean once you add in the driving time it adds up to 2 or 3 hours

OP posts:
RaspberryOverload · 01/03/2016 13:40

I'm firmly in the "DH drives and walks" category.

I have little enough time off anyway, so I would not be wanting to waste 2-3 hours in driving there, hanging around for an hour or so, the picking up and driving back.

I have enough to do on my day off work as it is.

Loqo · 01/03/2016 13:41

I'd have taken him and then treated myself to a coffee out and some mumsnetting.

Sirzy · 01/03/2016 13:42

How? 15 min drive, hour meeting, 15 mins home. That's an hour and a half?

gandalf456 · 01/03/2016 13:42

I think I would have taken him there but not back if I were working in the evening. I work evenings, too, and I find that if I do anything else between the school pick up and work, it's a hell of a rush if I'm factoring in dinner, too.

bigbadbarry · 01/03/2016 13:43

Loqo me too: coffee shop and my book. At least I would be relaxing on my day off then rather than doing jobs at home!

rogueantimatter · 01/03/2016 13:43

I'm all for being kind and I'm known to be a soft touch. I'm always driving people around.

But one hour of your time to save him 30 minutes parking and walking time is crazy. He shouldn't even ask you!

Collaborate · 01/03/2016 13:44

Why can't he get the bus if he's too mardy to drive and walk?

rogueantimatter · 01/03/2016 13:45

Oops I meant if you drove there and back twice.

But still, why should he assume you want to hang around in a coffee shop waiting for him on your day off? Still no.

RaspberryOverload · 01/03/2016 13:47

Meetings, wherever they are, have a habit of running on.

I would be surprised if this meeting didn't do the same, so it would have been more time than originally planned.

So why should the OP have to hang around for an unknown period of time?

DP has never asked for lifts on my days off, neither do I ask him. It's our own responsibility to get ourselves to work.

Original poster
ClaudiaApfelstrudel · 01/03/2016 13:49

Apparently he has arrived now and parked in a visitors car park next to where he is working. He says it's cost him £5 but I'm not sure if that's true

OP posts:
Original poster
ClaudiaApfelstrudel · 01/03/2016 13:51

raspberry yes I think that's an important thing the thing is I don't know exactly how long he's going to take he's in some sort of meeting. By the time he's finished rush hour could have begun and the route is in a notorious spot for bad traffic too

OP posts:
Collaborate · 01/03/2016 13:52

So? Tough. Why would he begrudge paying £5 to save you an hour on your day off?

Not to mention the added cost of a half hour journey in fuel.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 01/03/2016 13:54

He says it's cost him £5 but I'm not sure if that's true
It's a legitimate business expense then.

Stop allowing yourself to be bullied by his sulking. It's not like he was offering to buy you lunch after his meeting is it?

Want2bSupermum · 01/03/2016 13:57

And your time is worth less than £5?!?!? Seriously he needs to change his attitude. Would he do the same for you? My DH still wants me to pick him up and drop him off at the airport on weekends but not during the week. We have been married for 8 years and since having kids I have never done pick up at the airport but I will drop off if on my way to an errand. Eventually they get over themselves but it helped when I travelled for work over a weekend and DH saw just how inconvenient it is.

Original poster
ClaudiaApfelstrudel · 01/03/2016 14:07

I think his thinking is/was that he's perhaps nervous about the meeting and didn't want to worry about the parking problem on top. At least that's the way he's made it out but I also know how lazy he is and he uses this kind of excuse as manipulation all the time. I never seem to really know what the truth is or perhaps if it's a bit of both

OP posts:
LoveBoursin · 01/03/2016 14:08

Well surely as it is for work, he should be able to claim said £5 back???

So where's the problem?

Ragwort · 01/03/2016 14:18

You can't always claim for parking, not if it is your 'normal' place of work Hmm - I certainly don't claim for parking just to get to my place of work.