To see my DM become homeless

[Bettydownthehall]

So yet again my DM is facing being evicted in two weeks.

So if saying the landlord wants to give over the house to a couple who live there so she has been issued with an eviction notice. In reality the reason is probably as she steals food and is rude to the other tenants.

She was evicted from her last rented room as she spent the rent and hoped the landlord would forget.

She had to move in with me and it was the worst 6 months of my life. I live in a small 3 bed with 5 children so it was a squeeze, she slept on the couch. Her personal hygiene is crap and she would smoke in my house and lie about it. I got so desperate I spent half my student loan on a deposit and months rent for another room for her. She promised to pay me back, but never did.

25 yrs ago she had a brain haemorrhage that has left her with personality change including a lack of consideration for consequences.

(If your still reading this well done)

She has known about this eviction for over a month but has been to my house to use my computer to look for a room only 4 times. She has been to the council once.

Last time she lived with me I worked so hard to get her help. Went with her to the council every appointment (they have no duty to house her). Set up a support worker, got her assessed by SS (she does not meet threshold). This time I am busy with work and a small baby. I can't go to every appointment and she is just not trying. I know she has difficulty But it seems to be when it suits her. If o told her o would lend her a fiver now for example she would come straight over to my house.

But.. But.. But.. I can't see my mother on the streets can I? Oh god it's going to be awful

Betty I think re She hasn't done anything about it though. I will have to step up my game again with supporting her, I have just told her what to do and not gone with her as I am busy. But this is obviously not working. that you will need to walk her through this, and in fact attend with her. In some ways it may well go in your favour to just show how ill/vulnerable she is.

Can you call on help and support from friends briefly while you attend to your mum?

Just so you know my Mum was in a care home costing a bomb and had to be vertically immobile before she qualified for aid. It is very tough. I am so sorry for you. But I do feel you doing it rather than her will add weight to your argument that she is vulnerable and needs support. As a female and an older person (she may well be younger than me but you know what I mean), she would be extremely vulnerable on the streets. It seems appalling any local authority can close its eyes to her needs. Any local authority that allowed her to rough sleep would be utterly uncaring.

She needs to go to the doctor and get a letter to support her medical condition and saying that she is a vulnerable person, take that and the eviction notice (must be a legal section 21 notice giving 60 days notice) into the council and ask for a housing officer.

If they refuse then ask for details of any rent deposit scheme in your area, they will secure a deposit if she can get her tenancy agreement. Housing officer can also arrange for a one of DHP payment for first months rent of housing benefit in advance to prevent homelessness.

And get herself on the council housing list now, if she is over 35 and in shared accommodation she has a right to be on the list as overcrowded anyway, with eviction she will be placed to a high band even if she does not qualify for immediate housing.

These were the main options for homelessness in my district but of course the advise varies in different places.

If she has bad credit/ housing benefits best place to find accommodation is through places like gumtree and local newspapers as well as spareroom.com etc.

Good luck op, and if you attend a council meeting make sure you are very clear you will not be willing to put her up for 'a few days'

And make sure she does not leave her proper accomodation without being advised by the housing officer. If she has a real tenancy there are many steps the landlord has to follow to evict her and if she leaves before this she will be 'intentionally homeless'

I have no advice for you I'm afraid, other than to say that whilst it's brutal for your DM that her current personality and issues stem from a brain haemorrhage, that doesn't mean that the consequences of that behaviour are in some way lesser for you IYKWIM.

I can only think that I would be truly worried about my own MH if she were to move in given all you say vis cramped, new baby, hygiene etc.

Is it likely that if you DON'T help her and thus she really does then fulfil the criteria of being 'homeless' then wouldn't that put her in Band A and th council be obliged to house her?

How very shitty for all of you

Lots of helpful ideas thank you.

Stoodonleg, last time she was homeless the LA believed she was street homeless as I told them she could not stay with me. Although I argued she was vulnerable, I did not get a DR letter so that would be a good idea. Her DR is useless though, when we needed sick notes for ESA, he did not fully understand her brain injury.

I will arrange to go to the council with this week as although she has been I doubt she is telling them she is vulnerable.

It was all such a battle last time that ultimately I didn't get anywhere with. I can't believe we are back here again!

I set up appointments with headway and bromford support and a payment plan with the council but she gradually let it all slip.

Have you spoken to the Hope centre OP? www.northamptonhopecentre.org.uk/

Stick to your decision not to take her in - at least to anyone you speak to. If it appears there are any alternatives to LA making provision the LA may use that as a get-out clause.

Oasis house talks about getting your mum to present directly to the council's homelessness gateway service, or this facility itself.

I think you are right about needing to go with her to things by the way.

Run by these people- Northampton Association for the Accommodation of the Single Homeless

Just in case you don't have this info already

Northampton Hope Centre Maybe these people could at least point you in the right direction or tell you the lie of the land locally? Looks like they just provide day services and food, but they may be able to help with information.

You have to prioritise your children. They need you, and if you are working, coping with a small baby, and managing your mum's life, you won't be able to be there for your children.

To be honest I think that if you house your mother again, she will have no access to any of the support services which might be available- the authorities will regard her as housed. Have you told her that you won't be able to accommodate her this time?

More options across Northamptonshire

So kind for helping me. Thank you.

I have told her the times and days of the hope centre drop in, where NAASH and Bromford housing run support from. She has not gone. I am not taking my baby to them with her though as it is a volatile environment so she has to go to that on her own. I will meet her in town or something to make sure she goes though.

Don't know if this guy is your MP or your mum's but at least it seems like homelessness is an issue he is aware of .

I've no advice but lots of sympathy. What an awful situation to be in.

Northampton Rucksack Project gives out rucksacks to homeless people and provides advice on accessing services and support. They might have information.

Inertia, the LA did not think I housed her last time. I rang her housing officer daily to tell him she slept rough, it made no difference. She was not priority and they would not even register her on the list due to previous rent debt.

Bless you Rosycat!! I actually think speaking to the RUCKSACK project might help her to realise that she will actually be sleeping rough if she does not find anywhere.

I am ringing her tomorrow to make appointments to go to the council and to make sure she visits the Hopecentre.

That's a really disgusting attitude they have Betty.

Inertia, I am going to say I disagree with you. I think this a situation where it is better to do everything you can.

I have faced homelessness twice- once on my own, once both my mother & myself and it really is a situation where just going all out for a spell can make big difference.

Later I also looked after my mother during a terminal illness, and I know if I had made the decision to leave her care to "the authorities" I would have found it very difficult to live with that afterwards.

• I meant the council's attitude!

Honestly, everyone has an illness/disability/dependency when it comes to housing, until you have hard proof from a doctor they will not take anything you say into account. (In the nicest possible way)

Doctor will probably charge £10 for a letter (ridiculous - especially when they know it's for homelessness) but make sure it specifically says she needs support, could not cope on streets, needs to mention any medication/implications of op, if any further help will be needed in future.

Is she over 55? If so she can go on the housing list for sheltered accomodation, in my area waiting list for normal houses was averaging 5 years, sheltered accomodation averaged 3 months.

Good luck

I still have no advice OP but wanted to say how glad I am you are getting such great support here RosyCat you sound like a bit of a and am so glad someone is able to offer OP such great practical and on the ground advice

I know this has already been mentioned but the LA's duty to her may change, depending on her age. How old is she? As Stood said, a couple of posts back, if she's over 55/60 (depending on area) she may qualify for sheltered accommodation, particularly with the needs she has. I also second the idea of a letter from the GP, verifying that she would be vulnerable if homeless. The council might also be more sympathetic if she agrees to a repayment plan. This would show willing, even if she only pays £20 per month from her benefits.
You sound like you've been fantastically supportive and it's such a difficult situation to be in, but I don't think her moving back in with you will be any good at all for you or the children.

I think the best option from what you have said would be to get a letter from her GP, and get the council to recognise her as vulnerable, so that they have a duty to rehouse her.

From what you have said you don't feel able to house her yourself, and if you offered her accommodation then the council would have no obligation to her.

Yanbu not to have her stay with you, it's not good for you, your children or your mother. If people try to guilt you into it then ask them to have her stay with them and see how they cope. You should not feel guilty for putting your young children first.

I'm so glad there are people here able to give knowledgable helpful responses, and I hope you find them useful. Is there anyone who can either take your mum to the shelter mentioned or look after your baby so you can take her?

How about the daylight centre? www.daylightcf.org/canwehelp.php

Best of luck OP, it sounds like a terrible situation for you.

OP I used to work for adult social services and agree with other posters- your mum would be seen as vulnerable. Personality change suggests that she has brain injury, and all of her behaviour is in keeping with that of a brain injured person so debt etc is understandable.

I agree that GP might be best way to go…surely they should have something on file from her hospital discharge which details what happened/results of scans etc so there is no excuse for him/her to be unhelpful. It might be a good idea to ask for a double appointment as that would allow enough time for you and your mum to discuss things with the dr rather than trying to cram everything into 7 minutes. Might be an idea to also have her referred to SS as it sounds like a) she'd be eligible for help (whether or not she agreed to it) due to poor personal care/planning etc and b) if she's going to be homeless as a vulnerable person that would be safeguarding surely? I'm just thinking that maybe it would be easier for a person that's getting paid and goes home at the end of the day to sort out your mothers issues, rather than you, who have done it all before, and have enough on your own plate!

Heart goes out to you OP

Thank you for all your support.

I am afraid I lost my patience with her straight away today when she slept in until 1pm instead of coming to use my computer.

When she eventually did turn up I had her ring NAASH, we said they were full and there is nothing they can offer. We then looked at the housing law and the point it comes back to is that she is classed as having unreasonable behaviour by having a rent debt. Nevertheless I sent her off to the Council to tell them she needed a homeless appointment as it turns out she still hasn't registered with them, has only been to the drop in once.

Dangermouse, I had adult social services come and assess her last time she was homeless, I was at the assessment and was fully honest about her stealing, her hygiene, her missing appointments. She still did not meet threshold. She was referred to the charity headway, and of course, never went to the appointments.

I'm in the US so have no practical advice about finding housing, but do you think there's any way she'd allow whatever income she has to be put in an account that you have access to? That way you could pay her rent the day it comes due or you could move the amount to a 'safe' location (i.e. cash at yours or your bank account) when she receives her income and hold the amount until the rent is due?