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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let my 14 yr old collect my 8yr old

55 replies

memorial · 29/02/2016 15:23

From this year Dd1 (14 and half very sensible) has been collecting DD2 (8 very sensible) from school, ONE day a week. The other 2 days I work my excellent CM has her.
This day they both have activities so its helpful to have them both at home and ready to go when I get in.
Dd1 walks from her sec school at 2:40 finish, to DD2 primary in our village, to collect at 3:20, then they walk home 500 yards away.
Home at 3:30, Dd1 makes them a sandwhich, they get ready, and I am home 5:30 for their activity.
They both like it, I give Dd1 some pocket money and DD2 feels grown up. Win win. And no mad rush when I get home.
Except now the school says she cant collect her because shes not 16. CM could collect her from the class, walk her to the gate and hand over to DD1, but what a ridiculous farce. I have asked where these regulations are, but they have just got arsey with me.
AI really being that unreasonable??

OP posts:
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 29/02/2016 16:19

How utterly ridiculous! At my DD'S school, from year 6 children are allowed to walk home alone providing the parents send a covering permission letter for them, so tp say a 14 year old can't collect a younger sibling is ludicrous!

redexpat · 29/02/2016 16:28

I would be asking them where the 16+ rule comes from. I would also go through the school's website with a fine toothed comb to see if there is anything there. What exactly does it say about who can pick up the pupils? If there is nothing then I would be asking for an explanation in the sudden change of policy. If they say h&s or legal requirement, then ask for the exact name and section. Don't be fobbed off. Perhaps you can tell that people making stuff up and hiding behind h&s and data protection really annoys me.

Arkwright · 29/02/2016 16:29

Children at our school can walk to/from school from Year 6. Anyone collecting a child up to Year 5 must be 16.

Natsku · 29/02/2016 16:33

You are not being ridiculous, its the school that's being ridiculous. I agree with a previous suggestion that you ask another parent to "pick up" your 8 year old and hand her over to your 14 year old outside the gates. And the suggestion to ask for a proper explanation of the rule as it sounds like a ridiculous rule. They let the kids walk home with whoever they want/by themselves from the 1st grade here - parents know when their own child is ready to walk alone or with an older sibling or friend.

OddBoots · 29/02/2016 16:41

I am surprised that the CM would get involved as most have policies that state they cannot hand over a child to someone under 16 unless that person is the parent.

OurBlanche · 29/02/2016 16:48

Send your youngest in on Monday with a note:

"If my DSis can't take me home she will bring a sleeping bag, my jamies and teddy bear and I will sleep here all night"

I understand that the school are looking at the Best Practice guidelines, however, these are often unworkable for some parents and schools should be working in the best interest of the students, not their Ofsted rating - it is finding novel and practical ways to accommodate such things that the best schools get Outstanding, those that blindly follow never quite measure up!

There is no law on this... the only thing to bear in mind is that you will remain legally responsible for their safety... which isn't really a surprise, is it?

ComeonSummer1 · 29/02/2016 16:51

It's silly op.

I was babysitting at 14.

I would just have them written consent and insist.

boredofusername · 29/02/2016 16:56

I can understand it more with after-school activities etc because you are paying them for the service and they need to be whiter than white. But junior school children walk home by themselves so it's inconsistent in the extreme to say it's ok for them to walk home alone but not with their 14 year old sibling!

Some people on here are saying schools ask for parental consent for the junior school kids to walk home by themselves. Does that mean they continue the "collect from classroom" process? Because they can't police the playground and who is going home with whom.

The silliest arrangement I had was with our local leisure centre which runs holiday activities. It had a password system for collection which I understand for the younger ones. But my son was 11! We wondered what would happen if DH or I turned up to collect him, forgot the password and he said "I don't know them"...

usual · 29/02/2016 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HamaTime · 29/02/2016 17:00

Our school lets ks2 children make their own way home. It's a faith school with a massive catchment so some of them are walking a good distance or going on public buses. I would be incandescent if I had to pay a CM to walk a child a few steps.

FreshHorizons · 29/02/2016 17:02

YANBU. I agree with usual and would write the letter telling them that it would be happening.

ComeonSummer1 · 29/02/2016 17:16

I am a cm and would hand her over with written consent from the parents.

Some would refuse but to be honest the ridiculous micro managment of parents choices by the government just pisses me off now.

Probably why I am Leaving childminding Sad

willconcern · 29/02/2016 17:26

If I were you, I'd simply write a letter to the school stating that you are allowing your 14 yr old DD to pick up 8 year old DD on whichever day.

And then carry on as before. They don't have legal grounds to stop you!

calamityjam · 29/02/2016 17:32

I had a similar issue to this. I finish uni at 3pm on Tuesdays. Sometimes, if traffic is bad, I don't quite make it for 3.30. I therefore thought I would ask my 13 year old daughter and my 15 year old son to collect their younger brother who is 8, in year 3 from school on their way home. (My older two have to walk past my youngest's school gate to get home). My older 2 finish 15 minutes before my youngest so by the time he has put on his coat and faffed about they would be there to collect him. School wouldn't allow this as my oldest child isn't 16. However they would allow my 8 year old to walk home alone!! So the solution was for my youngest to walk to the gate where his brother and sister meet him and they all walk the 200 metres home together. Absolutely ridiculous.

ComeonSummer1 · 29/02/2016 17:38

Ffs calamity how on earth is a lone 8 year old safer than being with older siblings.

Of course this has nothing up do with child protection and all to do with schools being afraid of being sued. That's the society we have created.

NotCitrus · 29/02/2016 18:31

I always thought that was why so many secondary schools now finish by 2.30 and have a stupidly short lunch break: so the kids can collect younger siblings.

With written consent from the parent, I'd expect the school to accept it.

Witchend · 29/02/2016 18:31

I would think it fine having a 15yo and a 8yo.

However I wonder if they're actually trying to stop a particular issue where the parent is saying "what's the issue other older siblings pick up?" When they are unhappy in that particular case.

Fleurdelise · 29/02/2016 18:41

DS is 14 and a half in year 10 and DD is 8 in year 4 (both summer born). DS picked up DD a couple of times but Dd's school has a rule stating that 14+ siblings can pick up KS2 DC. However also it is related I suppose to the fact that DD is year 4, since the start of year 4 kids are encouraged to be more independent, they go out of the class room on their own at the end of the day and they are instructed to come back into the class room if the person who is meant to collect them is not there.

So I suspect that when DS picked DD up they didn't even notice who waited for her.

In year 3 though we were still picking up from the class room door so some kind of eye contact was made with the teacher.

Hulababy · 29/02/2016 18:44

I did this a lot when I was younger. I picked my younger sibling up from school and took her home til my mum got in. DSis would have been younger than 8y.

At my school, secondary school pupils are allowed to collect infant school siblings, so long as we have had consent from parents.

I would allow my DD, similar age, to do similar if she had a younger sibling. She has recently babysat for younger children in the evening, so see no issue.

BackforGood · 29/02/2016 18:56

Of course YANBU - the school are. It's none of their business. Indeed, in the Junior school my dc went to, they wouldn't be aware as all dc were released from the classroom after the first week or so.
My dd, in Yr9 would be perfectly capable of doing this. But then, on the odd occasion, she walked home on her own from Yr4.

openthecurtains · 29/02/2016 19:01

It's ridiculous. Clearly the 14yr old is old enough to collect a younger sibling. Our school allows any sibling of secondary school age to collect any younger sibling.

Whistle73 · 29/02/2016 19:15

My dd has been collecting her sister from after school club since she was 12 and dd2 was 8. They would be home alone together for an hour. The school was fine with it - we do live directly opposite though so no walk home and I knew either could run back over to school if there was a problem at home.
Now dd2 is 10 she comes home on her own and let's herself in with a key and is on her own 45 minutes until her sister comes home.

Original poster
memorial · 29/02/2016 22:20

whistle we are almost across the road, very close to the school

OP posts:
Original poster
memorial · 29/02/2016 22:22

But thanks all, an almost unanimous AIBU thread, amazing, I was half expecting to have to tone it down.
I will challenge the school on this and let my girls continue.

OP posts:
Buglife · 29/02/2016 22:27

It's odd, I'm not that old (early 30'a) and had quite a protective mother but I was walking 20 mins to and from school across a main road (with crossing guard) with my 12 year old brother when I was 9. And that was only in the first year (middle school, we had a 3 tier system) after that it was with friends from our estate. We just went there and back, wasn't a big deal. Things have changed, wonder what I'll do with my DS is that age.

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