back off

[Laura280315]

Advice needed,

My and my partner have just got a new house and are currently doing it up as it was very run down, it is costing a lot of money and my pil have kindly paid for our new carpets which cost over £1000! We don't need the Help but great fully appreciate it with 11 month old twins to pay for.

However now that this has been done they have kind of taken over and started buying other things for the house( little things such as toilet seats)

I get they are trying to help and it's unclear if OH has asked them too because they say he has he says he hasn't but did make a comment that we are going to get new at some point.

I feel abit upset that they are buying things for my house that 1) are not to my taste and 2) that I'm more than capable of buying small fixtures myself and that if I want something getting I will ask them.

Wibu to ask them to back off or do I owe them this as they paid for carpets and have helped with babysitting while we have been working on the house?

I see where you are coming from wanting to do things yourself and put your stamp on your new house. I think maybe the fact you and dh aren't getting along at the moment probably isn't helping.

However your pil sound lovely babysitting your twins and helping you with a move. Neither my own parents or pil will babysit for us and we have made several moves with our dc and we haven't had even an offer to unpack a box or two at the new house.

I really understand your dilemma.
My DM is a bit like this; if I bought my DD a cheap pair of school shoes because her old ones were worn out, but she only needed them for a few short weeks, my DM would immediately but a pair of full price Start Right ones.
If I bought her some tops from Sainsbury's she would buy her some ghastly ones from Fat Face ( to keep at her house).
I told her she was undermining me and not being supportive and she got
" hurted" and makes a gesture of buying only small gifts for birthdays and Christmas, often books, the ones she thinks are "classic" and disregards DD's taste for more contemporary reading.
She always tries to impose her "good taste" on others.
I think there is nothing at all wrong with being generous, but as an adult you want to make your home your own; put your own "stamp" on it.
Unwanted gifts are emotionally burdensome. I would rather parents listened to their children's needs and offer to but them the things they would actually need.
My DD has her own taste in clothes, make up etc, I only ever buy stuff she likes even if it isn't what I would choose for myself. I admire her for having a mind of her own and also for appreciating that you don't have to plash the cash to look good.