To not want to be kept awake until 5am when I have to get up at 6.30?

[siouxsie85]

Not sure I'm massively overreacting because I've had less than 4 hours sleep or if my OH was out of order.

Bit of background - I have a professional exam to sit in less than 2 weeks and have been quite stressed about it, I've been having to use most of my free time to study and not been sleeping well for the past couple of months. OH also has a professional job but is off this week so had his friend to stay over for what I thought was only going to be Saturday night. OH and friend like loud metal music and play guitar together in a room in the house. During the day on Saturday I was studying but was interrupted regularly and had to keep moving around the house to get away from the noise eg - I was in the bedroom but had to move so that friend could use our ensuite shower, had to move from my study as guitar room is next door etc. I was annoyed but didn't say anything as it was only for one day, it's OH's house too and he doesn't get a lot of weekends off due to his job. On Saturday night they got quite drunk/made a lot of noise until about 2am, which is fair enough. Yesterday, OH announces that friend is going to be staying Sunday night too, I reminded him that I would be getting up for work at 6.30am and really needed to try and get a proper sleep, OH agreed they would keep it down. I have been awake since 3am as they progressively got louder and louder as they got more drunk. Heard friend going to bed about 5.30am and I went downstairs at about 6am to find OH asleep sitting up in a dining chair, place looking like a bomb has hit it. I woke him up and then I tidied up quite noisily, I know I should have left it. OH went to bed without saying a word as he was quite drunk and probably could tell that I was angry.

My question to you is, am I right to be so annoyed or is he entitled to have friends stay on a work night since it isn't a regular thing? I think the plan had probably always been for friend to stay 2 nights but OH knew I would be worried so decided to spring it on me at the last minute. My last partner and my father were both alcoholics so I know I'm anxious or over sensitive when people have had too much to drink, which is my problem, not his. OH goes through spells of not drinking for weeks or months but then when he does drink it's often until he blacks out. We have been together for 6 years and don't have children. Give me some perspective?

Actually, however he is otherwise, if he acts like this and drinks til he blacks out then you're better off without him. You can do so much better.

This behaviour was not normal or okay. To be honest in this situation I would not go home tonight, I would stay somewhere else (friend's, parents', hotel) to get some studying done tonight before a good night's rest.

If/when you have kids, it would not be okay to behave like this and wake them on a school night, would it? So why does he think it's okay when you are the one studying and having to be up early?

Lay down your rules, such as: No more partying on Sunday nights ever, and no more partying in the run-up to exams!

Is there any possibility of staying late at work to study?

I was in a marriage where we had been students together and liked to party but when we both got jobs it was hard when we didn't "grow up" at the same rate. When I realised I could not rely on XH enough to have children, I left as there was no point in carrying on. I think your partnership should be a help to both parties in the short and long term, not a big let-down like this OP.

expatinscotland I always notice your posts as you talk perfect sense every time.

When I have a problem I'll just come directly to you

I'd invest in a pair of cymbals. Next time he does this, clash them around his head, before you leave for work.

I'm at work just now, perhaps there will be a grovelling apology when I get home but I doubt it. He will probably be totally oblivious to the fact that he has done anything wrong and will say he didn't think they were making that much noise or that I should have told them to be quieter. I'll definitely be armed with things to say tonight thanks to you lot.

OP, first, you are not unreasonable in thinking your OH is a selfish tosser. Because he is.

However, I have to say, in the nicest possible way, that you seem to have fallen into a pattern that you need to break. Your last partner was an alcoholic, your father was an alcoholic, and now you have another partner who, if not an alcoholic in the "accepted" sense of the term, at least has a drinking problem.

You say it's not your OH's problem, but your problem because your past makes you oversensitive. WRONG. It is his problem, but it's a problem you seem happy to live with and to tidy up after.

I'm sorry, but you need to leave, because this will happen again, and you need to be much more vigilant going forward not to find yourself in another relationship with someone who abuses alcohol.

I don't know what time it is in the UK right now (assuming that's where you are) but I hope the conversation tonight works out favorably for you, OP.

Don't accept anything less than a grovelling apology, but do think carefully about your future with this guy. I mean, it's easy for people on here to suggest leaving him, but the thing is we don't know him like you do, and we don't know what your relationship is usually like. Not to mention ending a relationship (especially when you're living together) is enormously stressful and upsetting.

Just please remember what's been said on this thread. This is his problem. He is the selfish and unreasonable one here. He needs to grow up and think about why he feels it's acceptable to drink until he's in such a state.