Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be considering going to the media?

57 replies

Eliza22 · 28/02/2016 17:29

My DS is in Yr 10, mainstream secondary school with asd attachment. In each year he has attended from Yr7, he has had problems with bullying. The bully was eventually removed from the school. The following year a huge safeguarding mistake by school, resulting in DS being involved in a sexual assault which was handled badly by social services and we had a written apology from them, relating to this, occurred. The boy involved (they assured me) had had "interventions" and would never be in contact with DS again. This year, the boy has again been harassing/verbally abusing DS. I have had so many meetings with school (the senco/head/pastoral care head) and it just rumbles on. Additionally, DS has no friends. Never has. Wanders around on his own and states "it's just how it is". When he's approached peers to "hang out" they tell him to f**k off. He is called "paedophile/spaz/ugly/weirdo" and many other forms of abuse.

Recently two things happened.

1). Ofsted report....I contacting one of the inspectors and explained our experience of this school. They simply weren't interested in "individual cases". I now have a copy of their recent report where the woman I spoke to gives a)special recommendation for safeguarding and b) comments on the whole school inclusivity being excellent amongst peers.

2). This school has been chosen as one of six to represent our area for a study of Emotionally Healthy Schools Project .... Their artwork has been chosen as the official logo to front the campaign.

AIBU to be aghast at this? It is NOT an emotionally healthy school. I know of other pupils who's parents removed them from the school because of bullying. I have another mum who contacted me to say her child would not be returning as her child is being bullied and they are not taking it seriously.

What's the point of Ofsted? I brought to their attention a serious safeguarding breakdown (the police were involved) and the woman was not interested

I want to scream!

OP posts:
theycallmemellojello · 28/02/2016 19:55

I would not advise going to the media. It will achieve nothing and be very stressful. Put your efforts into getting your son into another school. Sounds like a fresh start is what he needs.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 28/02/2016 20:04

Good grief OP, that sounds so horrific. Sad I have to agree with other posters though, the media will create far more stress and chaos for your family. As much as I think it's important that people are aware of the school, your focus right now has to be your son.

Good luck for the future. I know that sounds like an empty sentiment but I truly mean it.

VertigoNun · 28/02/2016 20:09

The Nazi's didn't exclusively go after people who were Jewish. As many people with disabilities were killed by the Nazis in Germany and huge numbers of polish people were killed also.

It really is an insult to those tortured and killed by nazis to be compared to people asking chancer economic migrants to follow the law.

Owllady · 28/02/2016 20:14

I'd like to disagree with you vertigonun, but I'm rather exasperated with keeping my vulnerable child safe as well. Apparently she can go out on her own. I wish :(

Owllady · 28/02/2016 20:16

And you may have posted on the wrong thread Blush
But we are not looking after vulnerable people well enough, including young people like the OP son

VertigoNun · 28/02/2016 20:22

Sorry that post was for another thread. Blush I don't know how it ended up on this thread, sorry.

VertigoNun · 28/02/2016 20:22

It was in response to someone on the jungle thread.

Owllady · 28/02/2016 20:26

Shall we wander off quietly?
Apologies to Eliza

But I do agree not to go to press xxx

Original poster
Eliza22 · 28/02/2016 20:31

Ok. LADO and police were only involved after I insisted that our voice be heard. The boy's parents were interviewed but no one came to see us. I was constantly contacting school who repeatedly told me that they couldn't discuss it with me, it was out of their hands and under the remit of Social Services. The next thing I heard, some 12 months later was that the interventions had happened with the boy, that lessons had been learned and that was the end of the matter. I wasn't happy with this and contacted social services myself. A LADO came to my home, apologised for the poor management p. Asked me "do you REALLY want to drag all this up again, for your son?" The police in CHECKS said they could come retrospectively and interview DS but it would be very intrusive.

The school were panicking as a member of staff supposed to supervise two boys changing for PE in a room together, weren't. This allowed the other boy to assault my son, over a period of months. We never had any apology from school, the member of staff is still in charge of him from time to time.

It's like we (him and me) don't matter.

OP posts:
VertigoNun · 28/02/2016 20:41

They won't apologise. Bastards.

Owllady · 28/02/2016 20:45

It is unfortunately how it seems to work :(

shazzarooney99 · 28/02/2016 21:01

Did you post this story on netmums around a year ago?

Original poster
Eliza22 · 28/02/2016 21:19

Shazz ...... no. Which means there are others. And so it's allowed to go on. We should be outraged.

OP posts:
LuluJakey1 · 28/02/2016 21:51

I think you should make a formal complaint, follow their procedures and go through the governors.

shazzarooney99 · 28/02/2016 21:55

Sorry i remember reading something on Netmums that was very similar, i would kick up a fuss op and hope you get sorted xx

WonderingAspie · 28/02/2016 22:52

That is utterly disgraceful! I cannot believe the school are not being more supportive and helpful. Is there really no where else you can send him? I'm not sure I'd be able to send my child to a school where they suffered so much.

Original poster
Eliza22 · 29/02/2016 07:33

Wonder please believe me, I have tried so hard to relocate him. There IS nowhere else. Some residential but that is not suitable.

OP posts:
Blu · 29/02/2016 08:31

You have reported all this to the Governors through the complaints procedure?

I think you can then make an official complaint to Ofsted? If the school is not observing it's statutory responsibilities? That is a different route to reporting things to Inspectors arriving for the inspection, I think.

Avoid going to the media at all costs. Have you seen the comments section of DM reports about young people with asd?

But you could talk to your local MP if the school is not observing proper safeguarding. Which it seems it is not. Is the school a community school, or a Foundation, or Academy?

Original poster
Eliza22 · 29/02/2016 08:45

It's a community school.
No, I have not put all this before the Govenors but will now.
Ofsted were not interested.
I will maybe return to Ofsted, when it has gone through Govenors.

I will NOT be going to the media. General consensus on here is DON'T DO IT. Thanks all.

OP posts:
Blu · 29/02/2016 08:52

Read all the school policies about discipline, bullying, inclusion and safeguarding.
Base your complaint to the Governors on the failure to observe or implement these policies.
Especially where a boy who sexually abused your DS has been allowed any further contact.

Surely the Governors were involved during the assault case and reporting?

anotherdayanothersquabble · 29/02/2016 08:53

Take it to the police.

Take it to the governors, and the Local Authority requesting an investigation and someone to keep you informed of the investigation at all stages.

Get social services involved to support your son.

Your son was assaulted a number of times over a prolonged period and the school has not put sufficient safeguards in place to ensure it will not happen again.

Blu · 29/02/2016 08:55

If it is a community school once you have gone to the governors you can go to the councillor responsible for education and your local councillor, esp over safeguarding concerns.

Usually best to follow the published complaints procedure first, though.

dolkapots · 29/02/2016 08:58

I am so sad to read this OP. Where I am the provision for children with ASD is absolutely horrendous and at secondary level there is a very high level of school refusing. Your poor DS Sad

Original poster
Eliza22 · 29/02/2016 10:50

I HAVE already been to the police and local authority. They just say "do you really want to drag this up again?" That's my point.....no one is interested. It's like everyone's breathing a sigh of relief it's "sorted", Ofstead weren't interested and the Safeguarding Checks adept for local authority wrote to me and apologised for the way it was handled.

My POINT (which I'm failing to get across) is that bloody Ofstead have again praised the school's safeguarding and inclusion. That the school are allowing daily verbal (and some physical) bullying under an outward banner of "look how great our school is!"

OP posts:
FANTINE1 · 29/02/2016 10:59

Another one for going through the Governors. If you don't , the school will bounce it back to you anyway. You need copies of all relevant policies etc. Duplicates of any communication with school. Also a written time line/record of what has been going on. Notes/minutes of any meetings etc with school.
Make the school aware that you are moving this issue to a more formal footing. See how the Governor thing pans out, and then , if necessary,move it to Local Authority/Council level.
I too would advise against involving the Press.