AIBU to think DH hasn't thought this through

[love4ds]

Hi all read lots of these but first time posting. So a while ago, against my advice, DH decides that he is not content with his 9 - 5 office job and tells me he is going to join the police in glasgow. fast track to yesterday and he got "the call" telling him that he has been accepted and starts an 11 week residential course away from home. Yes the money is good and he is going to do something he likes but AIBU to think that he hasn't thought about me or our two children ,3 and 5, throughout the process?

11 weeks isn't a long time in the big scheme of things but I do appreciate it's very hard on your own with two young ones (at least one is at school).

Do you work?

It's residential but is it near your home? Will he back some week nights and weekends?

How much more money will it mean for the family once he graduates?

Can you get any help from family or afford to hire someone for a few hours a week to help with the kids or cleaning?

I can see both sides.

But tbh how has it got to this stage before you raised objections?

My dad and brother are both in the police. Both great dads. Being in the police doesn't mean you can't have a family or would be a poor mother, father or husband.

Tbh I think it would be very unreasonable to to object to it now at this late stage.

It sounds like your DH has thought it through but hasn't talked^ it through - with you.

So the lack of communication between you is probably where your frustration lies.

I think we need to know where you live in order to offer advice.
Also iirc the residential course is Mon to Fri, home at weekends, unless that's changed. Is that something you can cope with? Has he considered how shift work will impact the family?

Need more information.

DH's Dad was a London policeman. His Mum was a nurse. Shifts could be day, night, arduous and long, but both managed to have their careers and bring up three children.

Is it fear of the unknown, of the risk or lack of discussion?

Do you know for certain he will be posted near home once he's graduated from Tulliallen? DH is a cop in scotland and as I understand it there are no guarantees about where you get posted now. I've heard of people being posted to Inverness, Campbelltown and Wick.

That aside DH gets a huge amount of joy out of being a cop. It's a steady job with decent wage, decent pension and lots of variety.

I could have written this post 35 years ago (minus the children) I didn't want my then fiancé to join the police. Ultimately he joined just before we got married and we moved from a rural village to live near Glasgow after the wedding - fast forward and he is now retired on a nice pension and we have had a great life - it was definitely the right thing for him to do and I just couldnt see past my own selfish wants :)