Do school think I stole another child's coat?

[getagoldmedal]

My son (I'll call him Terry) came home yesterday without his school branded jacket. This jacket had been given to us as second hand as a gift by another family as their son (I'll call him Ron) had grown out of it.

When I received the coat it had Ron's name label in it. I crossed 'Ron' out with an indelible marker and wrote 'Terry' beside it - very clearly.

Terry told me that school staff had insisted he give the coat back to Ron, despite Terry insisting Ron's mother had given it to him. I understood that this might be an easy mistake for the school to make and I was going to have a gentle discussion with the school this afternoon.

This morning Ron's mum came up to me this morning asking why I'd done this; showing me a photograph of the label and writing in a really panicked and upset manner - I had to remind her she'd given me the coat. I think perhaps she thought I had done this to his current coat. This was rather embarrassing for all involved.

AIBU to be really pissed off? What is the insinuation here: that I had stolen Ron's jacket? This is the only explanation for their thought process. What had they discussed it with Ron's mum and not me? The school didn't speak to me today or yesterday, and I think that they should have spoken to me in the first instance, before going to Ron's mum or perhaps in addition to.

AIBU to make a complaint on this basis?

OP that is weird. The school should have spoken to you first, they've handled it badly.

I can fully understand why you're annoyed OP.

Was there any kind of recognition on Ron's mum's fce when you reminded her she had given the coat?

How old are the boys and are they clearly different sizes? Did Ron leave with 2 coats? I would be quite annoyed that they sent my child home without a coat in the winter.

They might have just asked her if it was Ron coat. Strange that she didn't remember. Does Ron remember?
I would ask for an appointment with the Head and tell him/her the story. Say that you feel you have been accused of taking the coat.
Next time buy some Cash's labels and sew them in!

I work in a school we sell second hand uniform and lots of the jumpers have two names in. I would be just pleased it had a name in. I have irate mothers coming in complaining that their kid hasn't brought their jumper home then I invite them in to look they often start ranting about how many times it has happened. Then I ask, "Does it have Jim's name in?" A sheepish admittance saying they hadn't got around to it. Hmmm! So I am now looking for a jumper that little Jim hasn't bothered to look after, has no name in it and is the same size as 24/ 26 children in the class. Great!

You shouldn't have been made to feel that way. If a mum told me that I would believe her without doubt. It is very rude of them.

Presumably Ron's (current) coat has gone missing?

I guess I could see a scenario where Ron's current coat had gone missing. Ron's mum complains to school that expensive labelled coat has just walked off. School look. Find Terry's coat that fits a somewhat common (?) pattern of item taken by someone and poorly relabelled and assume that's what's happened. Go to Ron's mum and tell her "Here's Ron's coat. Terry took it and put his own name in it." Ron's mum, a bit distracted and relieved that coat has turned up takes staff's word at face value and fails to connect this with the fact she gave away Ron's old coat. She then wonders why you would just relabel her son's new coat when she was kind enough to give away the old one to you. (I can see Ron's mum's MN post now "AIBU to think it's cheeky for Terry's mum to just help herself to my DS's new jacket just because I gave her last year's?").

Then there's more confusion than a carry on film while everyone's brain fails to realize that the coat is not actually Ron's current coat. Poor show all round (except you OP) but somewhat believable in the hectic pace of a school day where teachers would rather not be dealing with what must feel like endless petty uniform issues, and parents are exasperated at pointless additional expense replacing clothing.

YANBU to be annoyed. But if it's the scenario above, taking it to heart isn't going to do much good. Making a complaint in the interests of reminding them that not everything follows the same pattern and making sure they realize Terry didn't take Ron's coat seems sensible. But I wouldn't expect more than a bit of a surprised apology.

Did she remember giving it to you when you told her?
Ds2 was forever leaving jumpers in school his teacher now knows if they have his name or one of two other names (my friends do) they are his. I didn't have space to put his name on the label too but figured even if the got handed to one of the Dec with their name on it would come back that way.

Thank you for understanding why I'm cross. I'm not cross about the mix-up, which was understandable and quite forgivable, but I am cross that they didn't talk to me about it. I had a short conversation with my son's teacher, so she had a chance.

I could see recognition dawning on Ron's mum's face as I said 'it's the coat you gave us...' She was really embarrassed, as I was too.

The children are 5/6, so very little. I don't really expect them to listen to Terry, though, and I wasn't annoyed that they hadn't; but they should have mentioned it to me. I'm not sure where Ron's actual coat has got to!

I think you're right BoomBoom, I am taking it to heart. I am a little insecure about my family set up (single mum etc), and felt discriminated against and that's a lot more to do with me.

You are entitled to an apology and I hope the school will be big enough to offer one.

The school were out of order for not asking you first. Ron's mum has issues.

Very frequently when brownie uniform is left behind, we find the name of a girl that left a couple of years earlier. We've had a few items returned to the named owner then found out that it's been passed on to another girl.

Slightly off point, but related. I had a school branded coat, which I wrote my son's name in. I later donated it to the second-hand uniform sale. A couple of months later it was returned to me, as it had my son's name in it (no idea who had bought it, but they hadn't put their name in it). Donated it back to the second-hand uniform sale. Got it back again just before half term (still no new name on it to give me a clue who to give it to). Surely Ron's mum can see that it's not the right size for her son though.

Unfortunately school was right to check with the original owner. I've lost two coats like this and both eventually returned. The logo coat my DD had stolen the first week of year 3 was left at school when she (and presumably the thief) left in year 6. At that point her name label got it returned to us via her younger brother.

The second one was returned to me with someone else's name written in the back after they had cut out the washing tag with my label stuck to it. By that point I was hiding labels inside pockets too, and the child whose name was written in it must have had a bad reputation as a friend of mine checked for other labels and found ours.

Expensive items like coats and secondary school PE jackets now get labelled in inch-high letters inside the collar

OMG! I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when OP told Ron's mum "it's the coat you gave us." I imagine her doing it with a head tilt and a quizzical look expressing the concern that Ron's mum was on glue.

On the plus side OP, everyone is probably so embarrassed now that you can steal school uniform with impunity. /joke

Well Ron's new coat might turn up. Keep an eye out.

I used to also write inside the sleeve of jackets with a marker pen, so no one could just change the name at the collar.

That's odd - especially if Ron had grown out of it, surely his mum would have tried it on him and gone "oh yes, that's right, this one is too small and therefore is the one that I gave to Terry's mum for Terry" - so she's either got Issues, or there's something very odd going on here.

I agree, if the school thought that Terry had taken it off Ron, they wouldn't have talked to you first, but to Ron's mum to ask if Ron had lost his jacket, and then gone from there - but it makes sense to assume that Ron still had his own jacket that still fits him, surely? So you'd think his mum would have said "Ron, you've still got your new jacket, haven't you?"

It's most peculiar all round.

I'd be upset in this situation too op. Have you definitely sorted stuff out with ron's mum? Honestly I think the explanation of the confusion to the school needs to come from her, she added to it. Could you ask her nicely to explain what happened to the class teacher? It's horrible to be accused when you've done nothing wrong. And I agree they should have spoken to you when your son told them the coat had been given to him.

That is most odd.

I'm not surprised that the school didn't speak to you first, though.

And would they take the word of a child?

Did they contact Ron's mum?

It does sound as though she thinks that it was his current coat.

So she has cleared up the mix up with th school?

You should ask the school how to rename second hand stuff so that they don't think you have purloined it without permission.

When my son was at Kindergarten a coat would sometimes appear on his peg, so I would move it to a spare one.

Then one day another mum asked me if the coat was my son's. I said no.

Someone had put his name in it!

Just wait until they get to secondary school. I used to buy new gym and other equipment at the beginning of term and label it with cashes name tapes but it still went missing and dd used to bring home grotty old stuff instead. I gave up in the end and just kept the old stuff. My dd didnt care and I suspect a lot of recycling went on.

I'd take the word of a child on this as it's more likely than 'my mum stole it but she couldn't be bothered to cross Ron's name out properly'.

I can understand school asking Ron's mum about it, although my DCs also have stuff from 2nd hand uniform sale where the old name is visible. Her reaction is odd though. Did she remember she'd given it to you?

I would speak to teacher today to ensure there's no remaining impression you may have stolen it.

I have recently experienced another parent taking my sons coat and it's quite something else! During holiday club on collecting my DS I found that his coat was missing, however an identical coat was left with another boys name it. My DS's was new, this was older. No drama, we would exchange at school when back.... However, the one time that I hadn't ironed in my DS's name proved to bite me in the behind...
I happily approached the mother in the playground for what should of been a simple exchanged - proved awkward. As she had taken ownership of the coat and denied a problem. Which put me on the back foot. I showed her the older coat with her sons name in it. But she still denied that she had my DS's. Her childs name is the only one in school...
I am really shocked that a parent would be so shallow.
The school were absolutely useless, well the one assistant from holiday club was, that witnessed what had happened ( I think they are scared of her..) Her memory conveniently failed her. She was my only hope..
I'm finding it hard to get over the injustice that a 'parent' took my sons quote from my DS 😟😟

Took my sons 'coat!' Lol