I'd say a few things...
I think the longer in the relationship you are, the more comfortable you will get, so time will be your friend.
I also think that one of the lessons life has taught me is that when I was younger I thought I was young and silly and didn't know anything, and I felt stupid among older people who could talk about politics and knew about different wines, etc.
What I didn't appreciate what how much people revere youth.
I never felt particularly attractive when I was in my teens and twenties. I was very thin, but always conscious I had no boobs (32a) and I was awkward-tall and have a big nose. I never noticed I had great skin and a flat stomach... I just cringed because at parties I had to scrooch down to talk eye-to-eye to boys/men.
I was beautiful, but I didn't realize it.
So if the ex-s are the same age as your DH, and I think you said he's older than you, then TRUST ME - you hold cards they have lost. That's not to be mean to them or you, but it's just how life is. Youth is valued, but they don't even know it (hence, I suspect, that quote "youth is wasted on the young").
My last point is that (for work) I sometimes deliver parenting courses, which are all about how you should talk to your child. Since doing this, I have learnt (through experience) that this is also how you should also talk to your husband, because these tricks work.
So, two message - "the behaviour that you pay attention to is the behaviour that your get" and "if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got".
So make changes to THOSE two things when you talk to your husband and you will change the script.
Also, focussing on the positive is also good - no one likes to hear negative messages. So in parenting parlance, you shouldn't say "don't walk on the grass", you should swap that to "please come and walk next to me on the path".
With regards to your situation, can you do these things?
Good luck!