To be upset after overhearing someone bitching about me?

[TimeToMuskUp]

I went to a meeting this evening and as I walked up the drive could hear a conversation going on (front door closed, bunch of women with loud, resonating voices, quiet area, no chance of mishearing) and could plainly hear one of the women there saying to the others "who the fuck takes their kids to xxx place for tea, it's pathetic, I saw she'd tagged herself there on Facebook, pretentious cow".

xxx place is the place we went to with the DCs during half term, not necessarily the sort of place we'd always visit but I thought it would be a treat and we had a full day out doing DC-friendly stuff before and after.

I knocked loudly and went in, nobody mentioned it and the meeting went on. AIBU to be cross that they clearly sat and bitched about the places I visit with the DC? And why do they have the right to do that? I know I shouldn't give a toss but it really stung. I'm BU to care, aren't I?

Though personally, I'd just reply, well it's not a place you hear women calling each other "Huns" that's for sure. She'll know, but won't be able to bitch that you insulted her.

I would imagine if she was saying it was pretentious then she feels a bit inferior and that she couldn't go somewhere like that so she wants to pull you down a bit. The 'who does she think she is' attitude seems, in my experience, to come from people who don't quite feel good enough (for whatever reason). I wouldn't be upset by someone saying that, but I would assume that they found me a bit intimidating/posh/superior - their problem, not mine. I would hate to overhear someone saying I was horrible or a nasty person - but these comments are all about the woman making them and not about you. Nothing to take offence at here.

I am secretly laughing because I have never ever taken my DC anywhere " kiddie friendly "to eat, and I have had comments about her eating anything " aren't you lucky". Yes because I don't think it is healthy to feed your kids bland ,greasy processed crap.
I bet your kids are a healthy weight; respect and enjoy the food that is put on the table and enjoy the experience of being waited on in a nice restaurant.
I'm through with ridiculously picky eaters who visit my home and refuse good food as a means to manipulate me into giving them sweeties. ( we don't have the as my child and myself don't like them.
A recent( regular) visit from DD's friend ; vegetarian; mom insists on no processed food at home; made an hour long display of dissecting a carrot and dipping one tine of her fork into the gravy.
I ignored this and didn't offer pudding.
Mommy has since altered her working schedule.
I really have an issue with feeding children different foods; what is the purpose of it, and what can possibly gained from training them to eat junk.
Rant over, I have not long come down from dropping miss fussy drawers off to her parents.

YANBU. That's unpleasant and says much more about her than you. Sounds like she's jealous of you and want to find an excuse to bring you down in the opinion of others, just for choosing to do something you enjoy and talking about it. Unbelievable that you had a message with "hun" and kisses - how 2-faced!

A good way to judge the character of 'friends' is to listen to how they talk about mutual friends to you.

Yes I agree. A genuinely kind person looks for the best in others.

Facebook=work of devil

Goodness, I would have walked in there, talked about where I had taken dc, and then looked at the bitch and said sorry if that makes you feel I'm a pretentious cow. And smiled at her. But failing that, I'd answer her text with 'I heard what you said about me....' And leave the shite she's left you with back on her doorstep. Don't feel upset. She's an arse. Theres lots of them around.

A good way to judge the character of 'friends' is to listen to how they talk about mutual friends to you.

^This.

Hey we all get bees in our bonnets.. but at the same time I can honestly hand on heart say that when I bitch, I would never say "who the fuck takes their kids to x, pretentious cow". That kind of bitching is just not something I choose to do.

Might think that way, from time to time, when I see endless hipstery posts on FB but I really do try not to chase those thoughts or get hooked by them and say them to others. And if I were going to bitch about them, I'd probably come somewhere like MN and have a general rant rather than be personal about it. So I think YANBU at all.

And I am doing some charity work too, and there's a person on the board who makes me feel massively edgy as she's really dominant and says "No I don't agree" followed by a big long rant every time I suggest anything, speaks over me, dismisses everything I say etc and is just not the sort of person I would want to spend time with or be involved with in any way outside of this. If we were working together I would handle her more assertively but tbh in this context, it just isn't worth my time or effort to even confront her. And yet I would NEVER ever consider saying a single thing about her, even the above (which is a lot less personal than the comment you faced) in any context where she might possibly hear. The closest I'll come to bitching about her is talking to my husband, mother or sister about my frustrations - and I always think of it in terms of my frustrations with her rather than some innate character fault with her. The one bitching about you just sounds like someone who isn't worth your time or effort, either.

Facebook is something I only ever use to make light hearted posts, most often humorous.

BigQueenBee based on your approach to children eating what everyone else does (not separate 'kids' menu) and use of Facebook (purely lighthearted) we'd get along great!

OP that situation does sound tough, I imagine it took some strength to get through that meeting! I wouldn't be able to help myself letting on I'd heard. Why should she care where you eat dinner?! It makes no sense.

YANBU, she sounds nasty and two faced.
What did you text back? I think I'd have to reply a simple 'I heard you.' and leave her to stew.
Look at it this way: at least now you know exactly what she's like.

And I bet the others were thinking at her comments.

I've occasionally taken my DC to posh places for afternoon tea or dinner on a special occasion. They absolutely love it and it's the only way I can get them to wear something other than tracksuit bottoms or football gear. I don't give a fuck who thinks I'm pretentious (although I would be hurt to overhear them being nasty).

That is nasty. I would not be able to leave it but that's just me.

I have passed judgement on other people's parenting but I would really like to think I'd stop short on calling someone a pretentious cow to a group of people.

As a non confrontational person but heaves a sigh and does it anyway, I would have gone in and said " I heard a comment about x restaurant/ FB when I was outside the door just now. Do you mean me? For I took the dc there and posted on fb:)" and smiled cheerfully. They could have been talking about someone else. But even so..

This woman is not your friend and neither are the others who stand there and let her pass judgement- they are people whom you do charity work with. I would find something else tbh.

Get her off your fb or restrict what she can see.