neighbour been two faced

[ddeemummy]

Lived here nearly 4 years. Never had any problems with our joined on neighbours. A middle aged couple always nice to our face and they know our situation with our sn kids and theyve been understanding so far. We always appologise if weve had abad night or whatever. And fine

Today another neighbour has told me that theyve been cpmplaining about us, and that they are 1 step away from selling up. So i asked neighbour who told me this why have they never said anything and she said because they know you do your best

I actually thought kids had been a lot calmer recently and neighbours are nice as pie to us even gave my youngest a bday card with 2.00 in for her bday other week. And the guy is into his cars like my mr and always fiddling about under a bonnet together

Why cant people be honest. I will obviously have another word when see them im feeling quite upset that they cant be honest. I txt my husband and he said am i sure other neighbour is not just stirring but not sure why she would!

Wwyd?

Possibly. Will try not let it bother me

I think you're being quite mean about them.

Firstly, if they decide to move that is their business.

Secondly, they've never shown any annoying to you or your dc and have been unfailingly kind and you're calling them two-faced because they haven't been knobs to you about your dc??

Thirdly, I mean like make them aware that they can come to us if things do get too much and say what exactly?

Really, what can they say that will make this any better for you?

If they think you are doing your best, then they think that nothing would change if they spoke to you, other than to add stress to you.

I'm afraid I can't see what is two-faced about them - they sound quite kind. They aren't blaming you for the situation and can see you are doing your best, they are just polite grown ups who know when a complaint is appropriate. I have a neighbour with dementia who can come round at all hours trying to get into our house or calling the police, yet it isn't two faced to have nothing but sympathy for his wife. It is slightly annoying for us, if I had to be brutally honest, but it is a million times harder for her and I would never add to that. It is just a hard situation, not their fault - that is a big difference.

I think your neighbours do like you and your children, they aren't putting it on, so don't make this situation worse by confronting them or make yourself sad by reading too much into a bit of stirring.

I dont mean confront as in ask why this second neighbour has said this I mean like make them aware that they can come to us if things do get too much.

Why though?

Them telling you if its getting too much isnt going to stop your kids having SN is it? Or stop them from making noise that they cant help making is it? Its just going to cause you more stress knowing that NDN is pissed off and your stress could actually make the kids play up more.

I would ignore the neighbour who passed on this info-they are shit stirrers.

My NDN has two very woofy dogs. She asks if they bother us and I lie and say we don't hear them. I ask her if our kids (ds2 has ASD and is the loudest child I've ever met) bother her and she lies and says she doesn't hear them.

That's worked for us for 8 years. Your neighbours sound like they like you and your family. Don't let shit stirring neighbour spoil that.

I mean like make them aware that they can come to us if things do get too much

And what would that achieve? Either you can do something about it, in which case do it without anyone complaining to you, or you can't do anything about it, in which case you can't help them even if they do approach you.

You're essentially complaining that they haven't been arsey with you.

Look, what do you want them to say exactly? Just because they are nice to you about it and don't make your lives difficult over something they knwo you can't help doesn't mean they enjoy living with it themselves. They have a right to move if they want some peace and quiet. Would you have been happier if they'd come and knocked on your door and announced their plans and told you the reason why?

The fact they haven't done that doesn't make them two faced it makes them people who don't see the point in rubbing it in to make you feel worse than you already do.