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Original poster

Please help me not go mad - 13 month old

28 replies

Bupbupbup · 23/02/2016 22:38

I've been diagnosed with PND - have an appt for psych next week but I'm so irritable and I'm trying so hard with DS but he's driving me mad, I love him so much but I can barely stop myself snapping at him.

In Aus so it's mid morning, he woke up after 20 min nap and he's just wanting to climb on everything dangerous, has already broken the blinds. I can't bring him out as it's 34 degrees, we have no air con.

My husband is away with work for a few days, no family or friends as we just moved.

He won't sit and watch tv or play with anything for more than 2 mins before he's off to something dangerous.

Feel like a shit parent, I wish someone would come and take him for just an hour so I can clean the house, I've never had anyone other that H help. Thankfully my mom is coming to visit in 3 months.

Do you have any tips on keeping him occupied, I find this stage so much tougher than when he was a baby.

He's a beautiful, good natured boy who deserves a mom who delights in him always

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 23/02/2016 22:42

Sorry you are struggling. Can you take him swimming? Go to a shopping mall for the air con? Find a soft play?

I have to get out of the house every day with my 23 month old, always have, he needs to get his energy out, and it helps me too. We have a wide range of outdoor clothing to suit the weather!

Good luck, hope you find a solution.

KP86 · 23/02/2016 22:45

Also from Aus but living in UK at the moment.

You are definitely not a bad mum and your son loves you. Promise! The very fact that you worry about yourself and him proves it. Bad parents just don't care.

This is a challenging age for them getting into everything, so my suggestion would be to clear the room of as much special stuff as you can. If the blinds are venetians, open them up, or even verticals open to one end.

As for some activities...

Run a tepid bath and put him in with a few toys. He can play until his heart is content, stay cool and you know where he is!

Play centres are also good, and are usually air conditioned. Most have baby/toddler sections.

Put some music on and have a dance party.

Get some water, add food dye and take him outside (not in the middle of the day) and do some 'painting' on the concrete.

Go for a drive and wander through the (air conditioned!) shops

Visit some friends who have a pool, or go swimming at a local pool

Original poster
Bupbupbup · 23/02/2016 22:45

Yes I bring him out every day but today is so hot, the car gets boiling and putting him in and out is a nightmare - sorry I'm just in a bad mood today, I'll bring him out later, sorry to be such a whinger

OP posts:
KP86 · 23/02/2016 22:47

We have all been there! So many days with DS at home when I didn't want to get dressed or leave the house! But we both survived.

What kinds of activities does he like doing? (Besides being destructo-baby - my son's favourite pasttime as well)

Original poster
Bupbupbup · 23/02/2016 23:00

Thanks for replying.

He loves the playground and there are loads in this town but none of them are shaded! Meaning the equipment is roasting on a hot day - doesn't make sense when it's hot more often than not here.

looking at him now playing with a toilet roll Grin he's loving ripping it up and throwing it all over the room

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 23/02/2016 23:13

That sounds like DD at 13 months. I really had to take her out twice a day as she was so lively and restless. I was useful at entertaining her and couldn't find anything she'd stick at for more than 5 mins. A pp had some good ideas about activities. I think if you keep him inside you just have to tolerate the mess!

JeremyZackHunt · 23/02/2016 23:16

Have you got a bath? Plonk him in it and let him play. At least he's confined even though you can't get on with other stuff.

Original poster
Bupbupbup · 23/02/2016 23:18

Thanks all, the relentlessness is what's getting me down, we lived in my home country with first baby and though we lived in a different city to my parents we would see them every six weeks and I'd get at least w few hours to myself.

I'm so insanely jealous of parents who have grandparents close by to help.

God I sound like such a whinger, I'm usually not - just having a crap day

OP posts:
Original poster
Bupbupbup · 23/02/2016 23:22

I will run the shower and let him play in there - thankfully it's quite big.

We had to stop baths as he was climbing out and it was too dangerous.

OP posts:
chebella · 23/02/2016 23:26

Oh I've been there - too hot, abroad/little support & a lively little boy to boot! Mine liked flour - I'd pour some on a little (red) table & he would mess with it for ages. Water or rice in a wash basket thing - actually anything in that bloody wash basket thing! Cotton wool balls in water, sponges etc. nude painting!(him not me!) you are in a really tough spot right now - I hope your appt goes well & that you get a little time for you (I knew things were bad for me when I started running in the evenings just to stay sane - I bloody hated running!). Hang in there.

BillSykesDog · 24/02/2016 01:43

Don't leave him on his own in a bath with water! Can't believe some people seem to be suggesting this!

I know some people grown on play pens, but I found them a god send when DS was that age.

Original poster
Bupbupbup · 24/02/2016 02:18

Thanks chebella great suggestions

I don't think anyone said to leave him on his own in the bath BillSykesDog just that being in it will keep him entertained. Thanks for playpen suggestion - he's a climber and hates it though

OP posts:
Scotinoz · 24/02/2016 03:02

Poor you! In Aus too and hot days are hard work 😁 I try to get out early before the slide burns little bottoms!
Shopping centre play area, play centre, tray of water on a towel, painting with water, library for rhyme time...
Also I just whack the cars a/c on then get the kids shoes on and by the time we get in its cooled down a bit.

Ditsy4 · 24/02/2016 04:10

I didn't see anyone saying put him in the bath and leave him thereBillSykesDog the suggestion was that a toddler enjoys playing with toys in the bath and it would cool him down. Obviously mum would stay with him but it would give her a little respite.

If you can afford it could you have a nanny or an au pair for a few hours a week or could he go to a childminder for a couple of hours to give you a break until your PND has improved. It would just give you a little bit of time to yourself. I had no family support either and I know how hard it can be. If you can get to a local mum and baby group palling up with another mum and child can sometimes help.
Safety gates so you can keep him in one childproofed room you can always sit on the other side of the gate if he gets too much. It is hard work because they are mobile and have little or no fear.
I agree about trying to get out each day it does make you feel better. What about the library do they have a toddler session, soft play and shopping even if you just speak to shop assistants it means you are speaking to someone that day.
Speak to the GP or Health Visitor ? Assume you have someone and they may be able to put you in touch with some support or a voluntary group.
Good luck we all appreciate what hard work toddlers can be.

ICJump · 24/02/2016 04:12

I'm in Australia, with PND too. The heat is flooring me.

Have you spoken to PANDA yet? They are great and should help you get thought the next few days.

Where about a are you?

BillSykesDog · 24/02/2016 04:12

Plonking him in the bath and getting on with other stuff certainly sounded like it to me!

TitClash · 24/02/2016 04:24

There are a couple of things you can do, the first is strap him into his pushchair where he is safe so you can have a shower or whatever and know he cant come to any harm.
The next is to invest in a big play pen, or make one room safe. And I mean really safe, like a padded cell. I did that with a bedroom. This sounds terrible but there was a mattress and duvet on the floor, a box of safe toys, a safety gate across the door, and I could snooze and not worry. It sounds like a prison cell. It is in effect a prison cell. But I actually found my hyperactive horror using a chest of drawers as a ladder to climb out of a window...
Another is baby reins. I used to get people shout at me on the street that I was treating my kid like a dog, but he loved his reins. You learn to do stuff one handed.
Someone gave me this gadget, it was like a harness on elastic that you hang from the door frame. He loved it, and I could clean the kitchen while he watched and bounced up and down. I have no idea what its called. I would have used one of those things on wheels that they sit in but we had a step. And he was hyper.
There is the ultimate headache, the pots and pans cupboard. Stick the washing machine on, put on some headphones and let them use old saucepans and a wooden spoon as a drum kit while they watch the washing go round. Its good for at least 10 minutes.
If you have a yard, hang a sheet over the washing line for some shade, you can also wet it to keep it a degree cooler underneath. They can have wet toys if you can keep an eye on them.

ICJump · 24/02/2016 05:54

BillSykesDog the sentence reads "At least he's confined even though you can't get on with other stuff."

BettyBitesBums · 24/02/2016 06:32

Where in Aus are you Bup? I've just moved here too with DD 3 and the relentlessness of a toddler, a DH that's at work all the time, not being able to work myself (I love my job) and the last couple of days heat are breaking me! I had PND after DD so can imagine exactly how you feel.

TerrorAustralis · 24/02/2016 06:35

Would you consider putting him in to childcare a couple of days a week to get some respite? Given how active he is, he will probably love it.

Your PND diagnosis means you should be able to access a spot as a high priority and you may also qualify for the same subsidies working parents get. If you're not keen on full days look at family day care. They charge by the hour so you could do half days without paying for full days.

The break could really help you - it's draining having to be 'on' all the time.

BillSykesDog · 24/02/2016 08:22

Aaaaah so it does IC. I blame insomnia!

Beth2511 · 24/02/2016 08:37

Peppa pig is currently saving my sanity from an identical sounding DD. She will sit and watch a few episodes once a day so i time it well for when i reach desperation.

Dd is 15 months and is finally getting interested in toys if i play with her, megabloks and ball popping things are the best hits so far. Otherwise she is a machine of mass destruction and you have full sympathy.

Pidapie · 24/02/2016 08:42

I would put him in a sling / carrier and get on with stuff! :) If he's happy to be carried obviously.

ICJump · 24/02/2016 20:05

B

waterrat · 24/02/2016 20:08

Childcare! !!

Even if you didn't have PND I would say most people need a break from a 13 month old.

And you do have PND so you definitely need a break.

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