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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I feel very cross with someone I'm fond of. Should I say s/thing?

53 replies

Fatmomma99 · 19/02/2016 01:23

This is sooooo trivial:
I've made v good friends with someone half my age, and she's great fun. She's also a work colleague.
This isn't relevant (although I DO feel I owe her...), when I started work at our joint place, I was universally disliked initially, and then she rocked up as a new starter, got to know me out of work (we went to the same gym) and just told stories to them about me about what fun I was, and it changed everyone's mind, and now I'm universally liked. Which is all totally down to her, and I'm VERY grateful for it. That's not part of this thread, but it's the back-story.

I saw her (with my DD) on Monday, and she was disgruntled. Her boyfriend hadn't clocked valentine's day, and she was annoyed. She decided the only thing that could make her feel better was to get a hamster. My DD was TOTALLY up for it... they went off to local pet shops.
She eventually (after a long day of trips to pet shops, etc) got a hamster for a quid and a cage for a fiver via websites (this is a BIG saving). She brought it to mine for the evening. It was cute.
She got all these ranty emails all evening from her sister about how immoral it was to buy a pet from the internet. I defended her.

She went home on Tuesday and decided it was boring.

She's re-homed it.

I feel really angry about treating an animal in this way.

It's not my place to say anything. Is it? I'm esp cross because of the message she's giving my DD. I should shut my mouth, shouldn't I. I'm very cross. i think this is appalling, spoilt behaviour. Not my place to say - right?

OP posts:

Daisydukes79 · 19/02/2016 08:49

It seems like she did something on impulse, realised she had done the wrong thing and tried to rectify it. It's better that the hamster goes to someone who actually wants it and will care for it than her keeping it and not really bothering with it.
It would bother me more if she repeatedly did this.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 19/02/2016 08:52

Keep your head down. She has made your workplace a nice place to be, that's someone who has the social skills to spin that the other way.

What would you achieve by 'telling her off' anyway? In the history of ever, has that ever changed anything?

springscoming · 19/02/2016 08:55

It's none of your business. Chat to your DD about it but not your friend.

Needtobebetter · 19/02/2016 09:17

Slightly irresponsible to buy an animal on a whim, but she realised quickly and then rehomed it so I don't really see the problem. It's very trivial in the grand scheme of things, if she'd kept it for a few weeks and forgot about it then I'd definitely say something but it was gone as soon as it arrived.

Youarentkiddingme · 19/02/2016 09:18

Well it turns out dogs aren't for Christmas and hamsters aren't for crappy valentines days!

I'd just have a good chat to her re her boyfriend and the relationship and point out if she needed a hamster to fill something then there's a bigger issue and other living things don't replace a void in your life.

What she did wasn't good but she's shown herself a good person and friend and probably needs reminding that she is too right now.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 19/02/2016 09:24

She was responsible enough to get the pet rehomed. I wouldn't say a word to be honest. Sometimes the idea of having a pet is nicer than actually having one (all the responsibility that comes with them) so be grateful that she didn't just let the animal out to roam and that she was proactive in realising her mistake.

Bite your tongue on this one is my 2c worth.

FindoGask · 19/02/2016 09:30

She rehomed it, she didn't release it into the wild! It is a bit of a strange impulse purchase but once she realised that hamster-keeping wasn't for her, she did the right thing.

StrawberrytallCake · 19/02/2016 09:32

Definitely leave it alone, it sounds like she's an adult and you aren't her mum. She had it re-homed pretty immediately which is better than neglecting it.

shutupandshop · 19/02/2016 09:34

You really don't owe her anything, she didn't make you liked. You did.

The hanster thing, yeah mention it in passing. Tell dd your pals a twit.

zzzzz · 19/02/2016 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DickDewy · 19/02/2016 09:52

Yes, leave it.

She sounds like a twit. The hamster has had a lucky break.

wigglesrock · 19/02/2016 09:52

I'm not really sure why you are getting so involved in the first place - surely you're not just friends with people who do exactly the same things you do, you don't have to agree with every decision a friend makes/or point out the error of their ways - is that not exhausting?

What lesson did she teach your daughter - she made a snap decision, thought about it, listened to others (her own sister) and did hopefully the right thing for the hamster in the end - doesn't sound like too bad a lesson to me.

If it were me and you had a word with me after the event, after it had all been sorted out - I'd be telling you to sling your hook.

Alanna1 · 19/02/2016 09:55

In a really nice way, are you mad? You'd upset what sounds like a lovely friendship over a hamster?? Re-homing it after realising she'd made a mistake was the sensible thing to do!

manicinsomniac · 19/02/2016 10:06

I don't think hamsters are able to notice or care about who feeds them or cleans out their cage. As long as someone's doing it and it's not being neglected I wouldn't give this a second thought. I certainly wouldn't let it ruin a good friendship.

I actually impulse bought a hamster once when I was a student. It was a total 9 day wonder. I mean, I looked after it but I really regretted buying it. The, when I moved down South a few months later, I used it as an excuse to give the hamster to a neighbour's daughter. Seriously doubt the hamster was pining. You can't actually bond with a hamster can you??

UnGoogleable · 19/02/2016 10:21

She's been a bit of an idiot, but it's better than keeping the poor thing and neglecting it. You've learned something new about her. Not worth falling out over.

Talk to your DD about the rights and wrongs of keeping pets.

Don't lose your friendship.

As an aside - your work colleagues universally disliked you until they heard lots of stories from your friend about how fun you were? What a bunch of arseholes, aren't they able to form their own opinions about you without being told what to think by a new starter?

314Romaniac · 19/02/2016 10:25

Say nothing. It's a hamster fgs.

314Romaniac · 19/02/2016 10:28

ps, I agree, your colleagues sound like jackasses, they allowed themselves to be dictated to really, like this person,dislike that person. They sound stupid. Just carry on being yourself and staple gun on that smile and if they're slagging you off behind your back it's because they're a bunch of bored jackasses. I have that at work too. Some people who are perfectly pleasant to my face nitpick over tiny things behind my back, or give something innocuous I have done a different more devious meaning. God, it's so transparent. I've got to the point where so long as we all play our parts, to our faces, I no longer care.
I'm friendly with a younger woman at work too actually but she's not one for saying one thing and thinking another!!! so age aside, bullshit aside, hypocrasy aside, we know we can 'trust' each other I think.

Fairenuff · 19/02/2016 10:29

She decided it was boring so she rehoused it. Surely that was a good choice. She could have ignored or neglected it. Now the hamster has found a happy home. I have no idea why this would bother you or why you would consider gettting involved.

theycallmemellojello · 19/02/2016 10:31

If it's gone to a responsible home then what's the problem? If you start ranting at her it will damage the friendship. Tolerance is important in friendships, we can't expect our friends to act as we would all the time.

Gobbolino6 · 19/02/2016 10:40

Does she often do daft things on a whim?! I'd leave it.

dustarr73 · 19/02/2016 10:47

PinkPyjamas why should say something to her.Its nothing to do with her,its not the ops child.And how would you stop her from doing something like that again.You cant,shes an adult.

The only thing op is if she wanted another animal just dont let your daughter go with her.

ephemeralfairy · 19/02/2016 12:54

She re-homed the hamster, it's not like she chucked it in the bin or something! It is better off for sure.
Don't say anything.

Gruntfuttock · 19/02/2016 13:04

I must say, that is the weirdest reaction to not receiving a Valentine's Day card that I've ever heard of. It was ridiculous of her to get a hamster, but at least it's been rehomed, so no harm done. No point in saying anything to her about it. She sounds extremely immature though. Is she very young?

BarbarianMum · 19/02/2016 13:33

I don't see the problem personally, doubt the hamster is pining for her. I wouldn't say anything to her unless she starts talking about getting another spur of the moment pet.

steff13 · 19/02/2016 13:43

Why were you universally disliked?

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