Husband thinks I am...

[hedgehog01]

FIL called DH last night and said he needed to drop something off at ours today, didn't know when it would be. I said that was no problem, I'd be in and out around nursery runs and busy finishing off an urgent project at home. I'd offer him a cup of tea and toilet if I was in, he could leave object on doorstep if I wasn't around.

He's just left. It was really awkward. I was in, finishing off project frantically before collecting DC. I offered him a cup of tea but said it would have to be a quick one because I was finishing off some work.

He said yes, then looked at his shoes and clearly decided he couldn't be bothered to take them off, so said he wouldn't stay. I said, no problem, I'd see him soon. All very friendly, but I was a bit more upfront than I would normally be. Usually I would have said, don't worry about the shoes on this occasion, but he's got form for putting his shoes on our sofa (I've posted before!) and I feel that we've now got him 'trained' to take shoes off etc. and didn't want to mix messages. My DH thinks I was being unfair. AIBU?

Lots of people like guests to take shoes off. We do, after a fair few incidents of mud, soil and poo on carpets indoors.

I wouldn't ask a guest to remove their shoes and I certainly wouldn't ask an elderly, physically infirm relative to I would get a couple of decent doormats instead.

I WOULD ask them not to put their feet on the sofa.

I wouldn't feel guilty about not offering tea, just politely explain that you're on a deadline.

YABU to expect people to take their shoes off. It's rude.

There's a perennial debate on MN about "house rules" on shoes: think the upshot is that homes are different on the issue and that enough families prefer it now that it's not U to ask visitors to remove shoes.

If your DH isn't happy , he needs to make sure he is at home the next time his father calls round . Then he can be as hospitable as he wants while you get on with your work elsewhere .

We find that most people at not that great at looking where they're going in terms of walking through dog poo. We're used to it. I know it sounds like I live somewhere awful. It's real nice, just too many dogs!

I might get a shoe horn. I do keep thinking about it!

"just too many dogs!"

No-too many owners who don't pick up after their dogs!

Shoes off is just the done thing here.

I'll do if I'm told to - and then never go back to that house again. You'll have to avoid Japanese, Canadian and Somali households entirely then. Some cultures, this is the absolute norm.

I offered him a cup of tea but said it would have to be a quick one because I was finishing off some work.

I think if you offer someone a cup of tea then it's polite to allow the normal amount of time for them to drink it, rather than making them rush and then sending them on their way. Otherwise it best not to offer it in the first place.

He might have been looking at the floor or his shoes for some completely different reason unrelated to it being a no-shoe household.