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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be utterly fecked off with NDN? Rant alert.

41 replies

Rubberbandits · 18/02/2016 12:31

Background:
Last year I received a wedding invite to our NDN's daughter's wedding. The invite was for me and my very elderly (92) father. My Dad isn't very mobile and has to be close to a toilet as he has prostate/bladder issues. The church ceremony was local but the reception was over an hour's drive away. My DH was not included in the invitation. Having attended weddings on my own before, I know I do not enjoy them.Especially when I have to drive and stay on water. Wedding music is crap too. Actually I don't really enjoy them when I am with someone. Anyway, there was no way Dad was able to go to the reception and I decided to decline but we gave a cash gift of £100. The bride came round to try to convince me to go and asked did I want to take someone with me, she doesn't know my DH, it was a bit uncomfortable and she tried to return the cash but I insisted she keep it. I told her my Dad and I would go to the church and see her married. On the day Dad was unwell and I had three unexpected visitors. So no one went to the church and her Mum, my NDN hasn't spoken to me since. Ah well.
Not only has she not spoken to me but has blanked me in public, deliberately turning her back to me when I greeted her. It was a bit mortifying as it was in front of mutual acquaintances . If I drive past her house and she is in the garden, she stares (brazenly) at me but never returns my wave. Her DH will wave but her son blanks me too. I think this all rather childish but obviously our refusal has offended her deeply.
So last week I drove past her on the way to a local event, think rural community type thing. All the village was there. I can't remember if I saw her or not, but if I did I would have nodded/waved and she would have given me her normal death stare. So today........
A mutual neighbour told me that NDN was waiting for a lift to the event and I drove past without offering one leaving her on the side of the road. NDN said how she thought I was unmannerly and unneighbourly. And lots more stuff about how I was unpleasant (bitch, cunt etc).She knows my number and could have rang to ask, I would have gladly given her a lift. She could have waved me down and I would have stopped for her. I know she wants to stir up a drama making herself a victim and me the evil perpetrator. I know most of the village knows her for this type of thing. The thing is, she has really upset my Dad.
I so want to go round with a few bricks and put her windows in. I really want to spray her flowerbeds with bleach. I want to superglue her locks. I won't though. I won't even discuss this outside the family. She has done and said so much shit over the thirty five years our families have lived here. Really nasty spiteful stuff. My Mum, who was a very lady like and gentle person, once threatened to punch her lights out!
I will say nothing, do nothing but it's really hard knowing that she is saying stuff like this about me.
Thanks for letting me rant. I can't do it anywhere else.

OP posts:
fenneltea · 18/02/2016 14:25

I'd just keep driving past her with a big smile while giving her the V sign.

sparkleface · 18/02/2016 14:27

I'm sorry, what's an NDN? I've looked on the acronym list and googled but have had no luck.....

diddl · 18/02/2016 14:27

What a fucking drama!

Do you even know the daughter very well?

All you could have done I think is said that you might go to the church.

How has she upset your dad?

Is it just because he didn't go to the church?

Charley50 · 18/02/2016 14:31

Next door Neighbour Sparkles

Clutterbugsmum · 18/02/2016 14:34

Why didn't you just say that NDN hasn't spoken to/acknowledged you since you were unable to go to their daughter's wedding so why would they suddenly expect you to know that they wanted you to pick them up.

sparkleface · 18/02/2016 14:45

D'oh, next door neighbour of course!

She sounds like a prize idiot btw.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 18/02/2016 14:52

So who did you tell that you weren't able to make it to the church, and what reason did you give? Confused

Rubberbandits · 18/02/2016 15:09

I didn't tell anyone, Dad was talking to her DH who commented that we hadn't gone to the church. Dad told him he had been unwell.
Just spoke to a family member about it. They think NDN is just trying to create a crime drama in which she is the victim.
On mature reflection, I could make that happen......

OP posts:
MadisonAvenue · 18/02/2016 15:28

I wouldn't have thought it necessary to tell anyone whether you were going to the church or not, that's not usually a "by invitation only" part of a wedding is it.

3WiseWomen · 18/02/2016 15:59

YY about her creating a drama.
Which is why you also need to correct people when they tell you things like the fact you've ignored her.

Nanny0gg · 18/02/2016 16:56

Why don't they know you have a DH and why wasn't he invited?

umizoomi · 18/02/2016 17:09

Have I understood correctly?

1.Your NDN's daughter invited you and your father to her wedding but not your DH? That's weird for a start, surely she invites your dad, or you and DH or all three of you?
2.You declined the invitation but said you would go to church to see her get married. IMO you don't need to say whether or not you will be at church it's about RSVPs for number at the reception that count
3.NDN gets all arsed because you aren't going to wedding? Again that's weird

  1. You didn't go a dad was ill. All ok to me, I probably would have said after to NDN or daughter 'sorry didn't make church dad was ill' but you said you told NDN's DH so not sure of issue

You declined an invitation but sent a gift anyway. Most kind I reckon.

NDN's off her rocker

Pedestriana · 18/02/2016 17:30

You don't owe her anything. But you should make sure people know your side of the story.
Then carry on smiling at her, but with a slightly concerned/puzzled look on your face any time you encounter her.

Rubberbandits · 18/02/2016 18:10

They do know I have a DH but the daughter hasn't met him. I presume he wasn't invited as I was there as Dad's helper, although it didn't say that on the invitation.
Have to remind myself it was an invitation not a summons. Dad is a bit upset over it all. I just can't be arsed now I have got it out of my system on here.

OP posts:
Rainbunny · 18/02/2016 20:01

Was your NDN already not speaking to you OP because you would only attend the church service (I know you didn't go in the end) and not the reception as well? If so that's ridiculous and very ungrateful in the face of your gift.

blobbityblob · 18/02/2016 20:04

I think even though anybody can go to the church bit, you said you would and you didn't and that's what's upset her. She thinks they've lived here for 35 years and they couldn't be arsed. It's a snub to her. Message maybe didn't get to her that dad was ill.

She's going to be silly about it now for a long time.

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