To ask how to go NC and advice.

[TheCatsMeow]

We are NC with DSs dad, he was abusive towards me and didn't respect my consent (I don't want to say the word), manipulated me, used suicide threats to get his own way and is an all round unstable individual. We are NC because I don't trust him with DS and I can't face him to see him for contact.

I've just had a phone call from his overbearing controlling mother saying I'm a twisted individual who's mentally unstable, I've made it all up, I can't prove it legally and I emotionally abused her son and he never did anything to me, and that she's keeping records so that when DS is old enough she can show him. She used lots of emotive language like "he used to cry in bed all day over you, we all know what you're like, you're disturbed" and then went on to say my parents have done a crap job and my parents were rude to her (my mum told her to leave me alone when I was heavily pregnant and having panic attacked from the harassment from her).

I feel like crying. How do I deal with this? I'm trying to get over what happened to me and look after my DS who has illnesses, I'm trying to keep DS safe, I'm trying my best and I feel shit now. I don't know why it's affected me so much, but I feel like they'll never leave me alone. I feel like I live in fear that every so often they'll start harassing me again, and that I can't relax.

I'm not explaining this very well but how do I go NC and stop this? Change of phone numbers? They know my address.

I just want them to leave me alone.

I would move when you can (not towns or anything, just so they don't have your address). Change your phone number, go ex directory, take yourself off the published electoral roll.

Facebook - If you have to be on FB lock down your settings, including hiding your friends list, search for them and any other family members and then block them (pre-emptive strike). My MIL is currently trying to add people I know to see if she can get to us that way. Make sure your friends know not to tag you in any pics of DS, or to even put them online. If they want you to see them, they can email them to you.

The post - gifts etc, give away. but make a note of everything. Do not destroy letters/cards (this sucks), keep them somewhere safe as proof in case you need to involve the police re: harassment.

School/nursery - make it clear that no-one is to pick up DS except people on your named list, and specify by name the people that are never ever to pick him up.

No photos ever. The key to NC is total radio silence.

It sounds to me as if they are driving this, the dad probably isn't at all interested otherwise he'd be pushing for his parental rights.

Do not facilitate contact out of fear, if they develop a 'relationship' with your DS they will be harder to cut out in the future. Grandparents don't have rights as such in the UK, but if they can prove an existing relationship with a child they may have a (tiny) shot at court ordered contact

It is definitely them who are pushing it. DSs dad wanted me to terminate and has said several times that he's not interested (only to then cry to his mum that I'm not allowing contact on the occasional day he decides he wants to be a dad).

I wondered if she were going for that, and that's another reason I want to limit contact as I think once she gets a bit of it she'll want more.

Keep a record of any texts, messages, letters just in case.
This is a sucky situation.

I do that, I have threatening messages from him as well as threats to kill himself and an admittance of some of the abuse. I don't think he knows I have kept it