Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to deceive DH about this?

38 replies

popmimiboo · 16/02/2016 06:46

DH is an absolute skinflint but we are far from poor and live well below our means. He earns a lot more than me.
DD1, 14, needs braces and where we live this is only partially covered by private health insurance.
Left the orthodontists with 2 quotes, one for metal braces, the other more discreet, white ceramic ones. The difference, over 3 years, is about £200. I just gave DH the quote for the ceramic ones as I know he will automatically go for the cheapest option, no questions asked. DD is ok about braces as lots of her friends have them but none have the metal ones. We can afford the ceramic ones and DH knows this, but he would not consider the idea of paying more for something non-essential.

Ok, I think I ABU but we have had enough rows just getting him to accept that DD actually needs braces at all and I can't be bothered with another money row.

Fwiw, he was absolutely fine about the price if the ceramic braces as he doesn't know about the other quote!

OP posts:

Ledkr · 16/02/2016 07:54

200 pounds over 3 years? Are you serious? And why Is it down to him anyway to put the rubber stamp on financial decisions?
Id not conceal a thing, Id just crack on with it like an adult.

pictish · 16/02/2016 07:59

Yes deceive him fgs.

pictish · 16/02/2016 08:00

Or even better say, "Here are the two quotes. I have decided to go for the ceramic ones."

eddielizzard · 16/02/2016 08:05

i would just go with the ceramics. i wouldn't lie but i wouldn't show him the 2 quotes unless specifically asked. lying by omission i guess. but if you can afford it, your dd will appreciate it i'm sure.

whimsical1975 · 16/02/2016 08:15

It's a mere £5.5 per month for 3 years. I'm sure he's a caring father who would feel that that small amount per month is worth it for his daughter's peace of mind and self confidence... in which case there was only ever really one option...

Ledkr · 16/02/2016 08:15

The point is that she shouldn't need to lie, they are an equal partnership.

walkinginmercury · 16/02/2016 08:30

What a sad read

Parker231 · 16/02/2016 08:37

Why Lie about it? Tell him there are different types but one is better for DD and then go ahead and order the preferred type.

expatinscotland · 16/02/2016 08:38

Fucking hell. He'd be like this with his own kid? YANBU.

PiecesOfCake · 16/02/2016 08:44

Perfectly reasonable. Right decision.

LilacAndLovely · 16/02/2016 08:53

I just wouldn't tell him op. If he's a skinflint at this age then you're unlikely to change him. For some people, budgeting and cost cutting are so engrained that they can't see the wood from the trees and automatically would argue for a cheaper option.

That makes op's dh human and fallible and imperfect, just like the rest of us. But it doesn't make him a prick.

I have a wonderful relationship with DH and we share most things. But sometimes I choose not to tell him something because ignorance can be bliss and I just cba to have a discussion over it.

For instance, one of my regular fibs - overtime. I get plenty of overtime opportunities in work, some which are 'compulsory' (not legally but worded in a way that they really can't be turned down) and some which are completely voluntary.

I've told dh a few times that i'm in for an evening on compulsory overtime when actually it's voluntary. Not because dh is a controlling prick who would stop me going in, but because he'd maybe mention a nice film we could watch together instead or convince me in some other way to spend the evening at home, or that we don't really need the extra money so give it a miss today and i'm easily led.

If he thinks the overtime I do is compulsory then he doesn't question it and cracks on with his own evening plans. And the long term outcome for us all (more money on payday) is better and no harm done.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 16/02/2016 09:30

I wouldn't be mentioning it. At all.

Also because he was clearly bothered enough about being ripped off to get off his arse, take time off work and go to the dentists with his daughter yesterday. One of those arseholes who just likes to grumble about all spend which is not essential to his well being. Feck that.

Original poster

popmimiboo · 16/02/2016 13:55

"Or his he genuinley one of those people who buys absolutely nothing?"

Erm, yes! I can't complain at all as he really spends nothing on himself. He is so un materialistic and is a nightmare to find xmas presents for as he thinks he doesn't need anything and doesn't understand the idea of wanting something if you don't need it?! (He never got birthday or xmas presents as a child but does like that his own children get plenty, he just doesn't want anything for himself.)

For those calling DH a prick -yea, over this issue he might be. Like I said, he didn't question the ceramic quote but I know that the thought of paying more than necessary would bother him. He's just like that.

Like a pp said, his stinginess over many every day things means we can afford nice holidays, school trips and have decent uni funds set aside, and allows me to work part-time so there is definitely a plus side!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2