To ask DH to think carefully about this job?

[QueenofLouisiana]

Sorry: it's a long one, I'm trying to avoid drip feeding!

DH is an assistant head in a school. He's been there about 12 years and has been promoted, but now there is unlikely to be any further challenge or promotion. He often complains that he's bored or that other people are asking him to do a lot of things that, really, they should be doing.

Anyway, a job has come along that he could apply for. It would be a promotion and would offer opportunities to him that he won't get at the moment. He has lots of the experience required and has several strengths which the school asks for. As it would be in an independent school DS could attend it (rather than our local Requires Improvement secondary) and there would be lots of things that DS would enjoy and get a lot if benefit from.

We would need to move, but to an area we know well. DS is in yr6 so it would be as good a time as any to go. I'd need to find a new job, but could do supply teaching in the meantime.

However, after deciding he would apply and us sorting out practicalities, DH now seems to be getting cold feet. Last night he told me he didn't think I'd leave my volunteering role (I would, I'm sure I can do the same thing in the new area) and he didn't want the worry of me driving for 2 hours each week to get there.

He has done this a few times- hot me planning the idea of a move, looking into practical stuff (dreaming of new adventure) only to back out at the last minute. Then complaining about current job.

AIBU to want him to follow through with this- so many good things could come from it- only 15 more years of the same thing will come from staying here.

Last time our school held interviews for a new head, the candidates came for two days. One of them decided after day one that it was not the right school for him, and was excused the second day. I'd imagine it's quite common for this to happen.
If your husband has been in his present role for 12 years it is going to be really hard to take the plunge and make a change. Maybe ask him if he wants another 12 years in the same place, doing the same things, or would he really, deep down, like to change and do something different?
I agree with a previous poster, if he decides not to apply, he must be banned from complaining about his current job :)

I think he should apply. But I'm not sure how you can make him. It seems he is being held back by some fears or concerns that he is not talking about. Try to get to the bottom of that fear. He might not even understand it himself.

Suggest he applies with the view that it will help him either decides he needs to move or recommits to his existing job. It is awful being in that unhappy career no man's land - am there myself.

He doesn't need to commit to taking the new job until it is offered!

Just advise him to take it a step at a time. Apply. He may not get it. He may get it but not like it.

I hope he does not self-saboutage because it sounds like he's just got fear -of-the-unknown.

But I'd be quite clear that I wanted him to at least apply

I agree Kr1stina, and I'd add that OP has to listen to him complain.

I understand stress (and maybe lack of confidence, which it's possible is hampering him), but taking small steps to act can only help.