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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be saddened at this comment

44 replies

Clarathemagnificent · 15/02/2016 13:55

I took DS swimming this morning and overheard another parent say to their child 'stay away from that black kid won't you?' Their child was no older than about 2. My DS is 3 and the subject of race has never come up before.

I feel really sad that he is destined to be judged throughout his life for a circumstance of birth which he isn't even aware of yet.

OP posts:

originalmavis · 15/02/2016 14:27

(Goldfish)

kirinm · 15/02/2016 14:29

Who cares if it was descriptive? What's wrong with saying 'stay away from that little boy'?

I have an Indian grandfather and although I have dark features my younger brother has darker skin and black hair / beard. He gets abuse all the time and I honestly didn't think it bothered him much but at 35 it really does.

MoonDuke · 15/02/2016 14:30

Surely she could have said "stay away from that boy who is splashing/jumping/whatever?"

goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/02/2016 14:30

Apologies OP, just reread and see she's taking about your child. If they've not had an altercation previously, the woman most likely has racist intent which is horrible.

BettyBooboid · 15/02/2016 14:30

Calling someone the 'black kid' is lazy and shows ignorance at best.

If they were being overtly racist, though...well fuck them! I would have said something in a shot. 'Sorry, were you asking your child to stay away from my child? Why?'.

Call people like this out. Hopefully she would have turned bright red

looki · 15/02/2016 14:33

^Op if this comment was made at you and your child I would have immediately got out, and gone to reception to talk to a manager and asked for the removal of that person!

I would have kicked up a massive stink....if the manager was flakey or not knowing what to do I would have said, " look you deal with this or I will call police now" etc^.

Are you actually serious?

If I heard that I would assume it was used descriptively. There is nothing in the original post to indicate it was said because the child was black.

PerspicaciaTick · 15/02/2016 14:35

What a very rude and peculiar person. A two year old in a swimming pool is usually almost entirely under their adult's control. Very easy to steer them away from other people if there is too much splashing etc. (although the racist intent would still be unacceptable) so there is no need to actually say out loud something as offensive as she did.

OldFarticus · 15/02/2016 14:36

That is vile. So sorry OP.

We had a similar experience with so-called "friends" of DH. They privately educate their kids - fine, good for them. She told me that I couldn't possibly send my kids to state school because of their "funny foreign name" and lack of whiteness. This means therefore would be bullied mercilessly in a state school.

It's tempting to call people out but I generally don't bother. If I do, I will get all antsy and snarly and wound up, and the other person will likely still be a twat.

Phalenopsisgirl · 15/02/2016 14:39

Gosh, I would hope this was purely a descriptive use of the word black, if my child was the only white kid in the pool I wouldn't consider a mother calling him the white boy as being racist, just a way of identifying him. I do question why she said stay away from any child, I might say 'you know that Sam gets a bit rough sometimes so why don't you see if Jack and Archie want to play instead' I wouldn't tell my child to stay away from any kid categorically. Sounds like a bit of an odd woman, try not to let her upset you, whatever her motivations she is a minority and you can't please everyone.

Quietlifenotonyournelly · 15/02/2016 14:44

What a nasty comment from the parent OP.
Surely if the parent didn't want their child near yours they would have said something like "stay away from the kid in the blue trunks" for example.
Bringing the colour of a persons skin into the conversation is racist IMO.

decisionsdecisions123 · 15/02/2016 14:44

I've been in a similar situation myself Op a few years ago. Was at the park with my son, he would have been somewhere between 3 and 4 years old, cant remember really and was playing with a little boy who was there with his Australian nanny/au pair. She kept pulling him away from my son which I found odd but the boy would keep wandering back to him and eventually she came over, pulled him away and said to him 'stop playing with that boy', giving me a most suspicious look. I was really angry and wanted to give her a piece of my mind but I didn't for some reason and just fumed about it for a good while.

Some people are just idiots. Oh, and my son was absolutely not showing any signs of bad behaviour!

pocketsaviour · 15/02/2016 14:47

So sorry OP.

catsinthecraddle · 15/02/2016 14:48

Op if this comment was made at you and your child I would have immediately got out, and gone to reception to talk to a manager and asked for the removal of that person!

Good luck with that.

As above, it could have been purely descriptive, and not racist in the slightest.

OP, kids will be judged all their life, for anything: colour, glasses, social background. If it's not one thing, it's the other. I wouldn't get too upset.

OohMavis · 15/02/2016 14:49

What could the OP's three year old child possibly be doing to warrant a loud warning to other children present to stay away from them? Really.

It happens. Some people have no fear of displaying their racism loudly and in public.

BettyBooboid · 15/02/2016 14:57

To be honest, anyone who said 'stay away from that black kid' - even if what they meant was 'stay away from the child who is splashing' - sounds like an ignorant twat anyway.

But I think people are being a bit generous with that assumption.

TheFridgePickersKnickers · 15/02/2016 15:00

Wow!! What a sicko!!!

I just cannot believe people think this is OK to do.

That poor kid is growing up in a multi cultural society and being brought up to not mix with other races and cultues!! What chance does that poor kid have for the future??

WoodViolets · 15/02/2016 15:18

I am so sorry for your experience. I wish I could try to pass it off as a misunderstanding, but having experienced similar things, I know that this kind of person does exist. I make sure to remind myself of all the people there are who aren't like this, to give myself hope.

I can't speak to other countries (I am in the US). There are some interesting conversations on teaching our children about this -- mybrownbaby.com is a good one.
mybrownbaby.com/2014/06/when-we-black-people-say-racism-is-real-please-believe-us/

aprilanne · 15/02/2016 16:25

i am sorry for this experience you will always get morons ..my son has a friend nice lad they are at college together .one time his friend was in my house and my inlaws were visiting and my fil said you did,nt say .... was black eh why would i .he is just my sons friend

ticket123 · 15/02/2016 16:30

More info needed.

Calling someone black isn't racist

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