To want to pay for DC secondary school even though he has a grammar school place?

[lilybetsy]

DC4 is academically bright and has a place at the grammar school where DC1 went. DC2 & 3 did not pass 11+. I think he would do much better at a fee paying school becuase of all the extra's they provide. I also think DC1 was a 'self starter' , but DC4 is less so, and will need additional 'pushing' to achieve his potential

We can afford it, just ....DH thinks I am mad ...

For various reasons my middle child, actually the least academic of my three, went to a grammar school whilst the other two stayed independent. It seemed like the right decision at the time. He was forced to take 15 GCSEs and y9-11 was basically a nightmare of pressure, constant coursework deadlines etc and has completely turned him off education. The other two doing just 9/10 subjects have not suffered anything like the misery of that time. We got plenty of communication from said grammar school crowing re its resulting position in league tables. DS2 has applied for a vocational degree. He's back in independent for sixth form and they are horrified at his low aspiration, but the grammar school experience has completely killed his desire to study. I wish we had never sent him.

I would never send a child of mine to a grammar school, state or private. Having seen the massive pressure put on two DS's of a friend of mine and how uncaring the school were when the youngest had mental health problems I would no sooner send a child there than I would send them to work down a mine. They both had massive pressure put on them and left school at 16 to do an apprenticeship, the younger one got much lower GCSE grades than my own DCs did who passed the 11+ but went through the non-selective state school system simply because the school only cared about results and told them that they had to achieve regardless of their mental health problems.

where did DC2 and 3 go?

I sent my kids to state school after prep school, and said i would happily take them to (and pay for) those glittering exciting things such as private tennis lessons, fencing and trips. And that's what I do.

Don't go private just for the extra's, they can be had much cheaper

TBF some private schools are very pressuring too. OP's private school option might be more pressuringthan the grammar.

OP if DC2 and 3 are at state school I would say private is not an option for DC4 - how could you ever make them feel they were treated fairly? If they are at private school, then it depends on the individual schools in question and how much of a financial stretch it would be.