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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not respond to text from mother re: death of aunt

13 replies

KensingtonLou · 14/02/2016 10:41

I've been minimal contact with mother for over 2 years now and completely NC for about 18 months. She has two sisters, one of whom is a similar age to her and to whom I am close (aunt 1), the other is much older than her and has been in ill health for years (aunt 2), my mother was never close to her, barely saw her and so a result I was pretty much the same. I received a text from my mother today telling me aunt 2 has died. Which is sad. But I don't want to respond to the message with any condolences because I don't feel particularly sad for my mother. I don't really feel anything towards her. I don't want to go to the funeral because my mother will be there and I don't want to see her. Which I feel conflicted about because... I don't know Sad. Probably because I don't want aunt 1 to think I'm selfish although she has been really understanding about the situation in the past. I'm rambling now. Has anyone been in this situation?

OP posts:
Dragonsdaughter · 14/02/2016 10:43

Text your aunt condolences x

BackInTheRealWorld · 14/02/2016 10:43

Thanks for letting me know is plenty.

miwelaisjacydo · 14/02/2016 10:45

I would text on this occasion just to say thanks for letting me know and leave it at that. You do t have to feel sad or offer condolences.

bumbleymummy · 14/02/2016 10:48

Agree with others. A text saying thanks for letting me know to your mum and condolences to your other aunt.

LuluJakey1 · 14/02/2016 11:04

I would ignore your mother- any text may encourage her. Contact your aunt.

eatyouwithaspoon · 14/02/2016 11:07

I personly wouldnt text condolences, I would either ring your aunt or send a card I'm old text your mum and say thanks for letting me know and leave it at that

Fairenuff · 14/02/2016 11:10

If you are nc then don't reply. Phone your aunt or send a card. You don't have to go to the funeral and your reasons why are no-one else's business.

bumbleymummy · 14/02/2016 11:23

True. Phoning your aunt would be better.

SuburbanRhonda · 14/02/2016 11:34

Why does she have your mobile number if you're NC?

cozietoesie · 14/02/2016 11:40

I've had the same mobile number for many many years - way in excess of the two years that the OP has been LC with her mother and certainly in excess of the 18 months of NC. Maybe the OP is the same?

Viviennemary · 14/02/2016 11:47

I agree with text saying 'thanks for letting me know. You could add 'that is sad news for the family. You don't need to give condolences to your Mum. I don't think it's a good idea not to respond to the text.

shinynewusername · 14/02/2016 11:49

If you don't respond, your mother may be genuinely unsure if you have got the message. I would either reply with, "thanks for letting me know" or contact aunt 1 ASAP, give condolences, and ask her to tell your mother that you know.

Original poster
KensingtonLou · 14/02/2016 12:16

Thanks for all the responses. Can be v hard to know what to do when the people all around you don't "get" why you're NC in the first place. Although DP is very supportive. As much as I don't want to, I think it's best to thank her for letting me know and leave it at that. And speak to my aunt a bit later. Thanks again xx

OP posts:
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