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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To eat DCs leftovers and everyone thinks it's disgusting

111 replies

Evelight · 13/02/2016 22:31

actually, I also gnaw at their chicken bones eg chicken wings because I am appalled at how much meat they leave behind and I can't bear to waste it. I often get them to look at my bones (which I clean like a hyeana) and compare it with theirs, and they just try to escape.

I come from a fairly frugal family, and it didn't help that I spent part of my childhood years in a country afflicted by war and food scarcity (food rations, kinda like the WWs. DCs get excited when I tell them about having coupons for milk, and bananas and butter being a luxury). We weren't allowed to have anything left on the plate. At school, i remember we were supposed to glue two short pencil stubs together to make them last longer.

ANYWAY, I don't see the problem- we've all learned at school that we are sharing germs in a family - what is so gross about eating the leftover salad off of DD's plate? Tbh though, I only do it with my kids, not eg DH or my siblings.

OP posts:

Etak15 · 13/02/2016 23:07

I try not to eat leftovers because I like to enjoy my own meal in peace after the kids have gone to bed and wouldn't enjoy it if I'd had 4 starters!! But I don't like to throw food away If there are significant leftovers I would save it and try and do something with it! My solution for giving them things that's on the bone like chops chicken legs etc I take it off the bone for them as I serve it so it's easier to eat for them and no waste.

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2016 23:09

Now it sounds dismal but take God out of the equation and the statement is true, how much food do we throw away in the west? It's insane. We have excess food, eat excess yet think nothing of throwing good food away. Young kids are the worst offenders.

No, young kids are not the worst offenders.

The worst offenders are the adults who can't judge roughly how much their kids are likely to eat. Or who simply don't think to give them a small amount and tell them they can have a second helping if they want it.

Just like the OP with the chicken wings scenario.

My Mum would have given us one wing each and told us as soon as we'd actually eaten it, we could take another.

I just find it strange that so many adults say they can't waste food, due to their childhoods and yet they keep over buying and over feeding, which is a complete waste!

SecretSpy · 13/02/2016 23:10

I wish. My children eat my leftovers. And each others. But I don't eat theirs, I dish up modest portions and leave any extra in the kitchen for anyone who gets there first wants it

WilLiAmHerschel · 13/02/2016 23:10

I agree with worra.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 13/02/2016 23:13

I don't think it's gross, I just wouldn't do it myself as I can be anal over my own portion control.

ElderlyKoreanLady · 13/02/2016 23:23

I do find it quite gross...partly my issue though, I admit. If food has been on someone plate and they don't eat it, in my mind, none of it is 'clean' and may have their saliva on it. It needs to be binned.

However, as you are quite literally cleaning the bones of chicken that your kids have actually been chewing, I do think my feeling that it's gross is partially justified.

You're eating food that's been in someone else's mouth, and you're not doing that because food is scarce, or even because you're hungry. To me, that would be really uncomfortable to watch.

Katarzyna79 · 13/02/2016 23:23

worra I don't agree with you in regards to my kids especially my eldest daughter. I can give her a portion the same size as her 5 yr old sister, she is 8 though, and she will still manage to not eat that. She is very scrawny too and gps have said she needs to eat more of every food group and increase portions.

so I don't think reducing portions with my kids will work especially the for eldest girl she will get ill. she doesn't eat the portion she should for her age.

the 4 year old is the same but I'm not so worried about her, I think she#s going through a fussy eater stage, she will get through it.

the youngest and oldest boy eat well no matter what I give them.

Rainbunny · 13/02/2016 23:27

Hmm, I understand the motivation but it's not something I would do. My best friend's DH does this chronically, he was raised in very poor circumstances in Vietnam so I can understand his similar views on wasted food like yours OP, although I'm still not happy when he grabs leftover food from my plate when we are all dining out at a restaurant as a group... and then makes comments about how much food I waste!! I've never been one to finish my plate unless I serve myself and can get the right portion.

Original poster

Evelight · 13/02/2016 23:35

I remember telling my mom off when I was much much younger- stop eating our leftovers! Your stomach is not the garbage! Now she won't do it anymore, but I do! not always, but often enough.

Re eating too much- I purposely give myself tiny portions, or sometimes if they're eating right after school, I'll just wait and eat afterwards.

Re portions- this is something I have been struggling with. I just can't seem to get it right. But with chicken wings it doesn't matter- there is always too much meat (imo) left on the bones.

Never in public! only at my own place or my parents.

I kinda remember in the early, pre-child halcyon glow-y days of marriage we would eat off of each other's plates (though maybe not bones). 15+ yrs down the line, we don't anymore- he had various health complications and infections which wouldn't make it comfortable for me, also he doesn't have as much leftovers.

I have to point out I don't know that it is a "cultural difference" per se- I know many of the fashionable fine ladies of my home country are just as appalled by this. The place has become very westernized/modernized since the war days I mentioned, with adverts for luxury goods all over and every kind of brand name on the streets. Sadly, over-consumption has become the norm (although you still don't see N American-style obese people). In my case, I think the historical background exacerbated my own tendencies.

OP posts:

maizieD · 13/02/2016 23:39

I don't think there's anything intrinsically wrong with eating up your children's leftovers or even gnawing their chicken bones. It's not particularly unhygienic; just a bit repulsive to some people. On the other hand, as others have said, you'll get fat!

I think it's good advice to give smaller portions with second helpings if asked for.

I was forced to eat everything my mother put on my plate as a child; I vowed not to do it to my children. As soon as they were old enough the only thing I ever put on their plates was the meat part of the meal, vegetables they helped themselves to. If they took it they had to eat it but I didn't mind what size portion they took.

(Actually, to this day I really hate don't like having vegetables dolloped onto my plate by someone else; I hate waste, too, but I won't force myself to eat more than I want.)

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2016 23:40

Katarzyna79 if you offer her less then she may possibly ask for seconds and end up eating more?

Either way, if you're serving her more than she's actually eating, I'm not sure how she could get ill if you serve her less.

Surely she's still eating the same amount but with less waste?

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2016 23:43

But with chicken wings it doesn't matter- there is always too much meat (imo) left on the bones.

Can you not just put one on their plate like my Mum used to?

If they ask for another, point out that they haven't finished the first one yet. This worked for me and my siblings.

OhforGodsake · 13/02/2016 23:47

Sorry, OP, the thought of someone sucking the bones off other people's plates just turns my stomach. Can't be very pleasant for your DC to witness either.

chocorabbit · 14/02/2016 00:01

It has nothing to do with culture. I know many people who do it to the extent that you are describing OP. At school particularly girls would say "I don't like X snack or food so my brother will always finish it for me". It seems that boys (I don't have a brother) had no problem and would be the greedy ones

Once at a dinner my uncle saw left over food on my and my sister's plates and said "in our house we clean each other's plate" much to our horror! Now sometimes I eat my children's leftovers though!

Naoko · 14/02/2016 00:02

Finishing the leftovers isn't grim, it's fine, but the bones thing makes my stomach turn just to think about. If they leave too much meat, take the meat off the bones before serve it. And if you must, don't make them look at your bones. I am squicked out as hell by meat on the bone at the best of times, I can't pick them clean (there's squishy bits! and gristle! and...oh god I feel a bit ill just thinking about it) and the idea of someone waving a chickenbone in my face and telling me off for not picking mine clean enough is horrible. I'm not squeamish, I know where my food comes from, but it's a texture thing about eating it it. Please don't force that on your children.

WorraLiberty · 14/02/2016 00:11

It has nothing to do with culture or boys

My 3 boys stomachs would turn at the thought of finishing someone else's leftovers, as would my DH's.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 14/02/2016 01:07

Maybe your DC don't like chicken wings, they might not want to eat the meat in case they scrape their teeth on the bones

My DS covers all his food in ketchup.
My DD clears her plate.
Neither are vegetarian (DH and I are) so I don't want their leftovers anyway.
I don;t eat wheat or dairy (unless I want to have unpleasant side effects) so I don't eat their biscuits either.

Rubymay · 14/02/2016 01:24

Your children stop eating when they are full, this is what we want kids to do!! Obesity is a huge problem, clearing a plate should not be the issue eating a healthy balanced meal and stopping when full should be what a parent is achieving!! Eat your own meal... leave there's alone.

KoalaDownUnder · 14/02/2016 01:25

My sister used to do that, and another friend does it with her son.

I find it repulsive, if I'm completely honest. (Sorry). It also appears (as another poster said), kind of desperate? Unless you're living in famine, nobody needs to eat leftovers off someone else's plate.

Once food has been handled and chewed and messed about with on someone's plate, it's for the scrap bin. If you're worried about wastage, maybe get a compost bin? (Sorry if that's not practical.)

TheToys · 14/02/2016 01:29

Yanbu. I eat DS's leftovers quite often, as he is a fussy, unpredictable eater. Don't get the problem unless it leads to being severely overweight (I'm not). DH is a bit more squeamish, and will eat the food only if it has not been played with too much and has not been bitten.

AntiHop · 14/02/2016 02:57

Yes I eat my 16 month old's leftovers. Yanbu for wanting to reduce waste.

WorraLiberty · 14/02/2016 11:35

But it's not reducing waste is it?

As a PP said, it's as much wasted inside the OP as it would be in the bin.

Unless of course it becomes part of her actual dinner, which I doubt.

TheToys · 14/02/2016 12:04

It's usually part of my dinner or DH's. I routinely make smallish portions. But if I occasionally eat a bit more than usual during lunch/dinner, I will eat less during the evening/next day. Its the same food whether it has been on DS's plate or mine (I'm not sure I would not clean bones, though, but luckily we are veggies so it's not an issue anyway)

formerbabe · 14/02/2016 12:11

I'm amazed so many people think it's gross...I often pick at the leftover bits on their plate...why is it disgusting?

LilacAndLovely · 14/02/2016 12:23

Sometimes, I have the ds's leftovers as my actual dinner

It's not something i'd freely admit in rl though because it does not sound fairly gross. But I can't bear food waste and sometimes the 2 dc's leftovers between them is another full meal...so I eat that and then put my portion in the freezer for another day

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