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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re valentines day?

24 replies

Marsaday · 13/02/2016 16:04

My OH has just got home from picking up a few bits of shopping at aldi. On his return he plonked a box of aldi fudge on the kitchen counter and said "happy valentines".
I am not materialistic or a present person at all - normally when people ask what i want for birthday /xmas i say nothing.
But AIBU to think that he could have put a bit more thought into a gift?
Background: 3 weeks ago i had his baby. Since then I've been suffering with a hideous virus and feeling really ill, and i haven't slept more than 3 hours a night since baby arrived. I am also still suffering spd from pregnancy so in pain most of the time. Despite this I've been managing at home alone with velcro baby plus a toddler who is currently going through a very difficult phase, and have managed to keep on top of all housework, shopping, laundry and domestic stuff like sorting car insurance.

To getnto aldi he walked twice past a loc artisan chocolate shop. He knows exactly which chocs are my favourite from there and it would have taken him all of 2 mins to pop in and buy them.
AIBU to hope that he would have put a little thought into a nice gift for me given the miserable few weeks I've had?
He is well aware that the date was approaching, since his best mate's birthday is on valentines and he bought and posted a card two weeks ago. I doubt he's even got me a card.

I guess I'm just not feeling very valued.

OP posts:

Goingtobeawesome · 13/02/2016 16:06

So tell him.

And why did he post the card two weeks early?

Oysterbabe · 13/02/2016 16:06

Yanbu. He didn't even wait for Valentine's day to give them to you :(

TresDesolee · 13/02/2016 16:07

YANBU. That sounds a bit shit and thoughtless. I'd tell him so tbh. Is he nice to you otherwise?

Happy Valentine's day and congratulations on the baby

Buzzardbird · 13/02/2016 16:07

YANBU. I would tell him how you feel.

Grilledaubergines · 13/02/2016 16:07

Give them back to him. Point out he got the wrong day.

Thoughtless definitely.

Original poster

Marsaday · 13/02/2016 16:13

He posted card early because best mate lives abroad.

OP posts:

AnotherTimeMaybe · 13/02/2016 16:16

YANBU at all but he probably didn't think right.. I'm sure he values you, in all seriousness have a chat with him!
And congrats on baby x

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 13/02/2016 16:18

I'm going to be generous and suggest that he's in a new baby/sleep deprived fog and so has been a bit shit and thoughless and you should tell him how you feel.

BlueMoonRising · 13/02/2016 16:24

What have you bought for him for Valentine's Day?

Do you both usually make a big deal of Valentine's Day? If so YANBU. If you don't, then meh.

Roseberrry · 13/02/2016 16:27

I was with him until you mentioned what's been going on recently.
Valentine's Day isn't a big deal, it's a day for a crappy card and a box of cards and a quick shag if you're lucky.
I can see why you wanted something a bit more special but maybe he is just as tired as you, or is waiting for another occasion to push the boat out.

slanleat · 13/02/2016 16:35

Well having been in two local card shops yesterday and seeing the nano-seconds of thought various men were putting into cards, I wouldn't worry about the lack of card.

If he is nice in other ways I would also suggest not stressing about the gift. He got you something.

Original poster

Marsaday · 13/02/2016 17:45

He's not sleep deprived - he's been sleeping in the spare room while i deal with the baby all night. baby mostly wants boob so not much he can do anyway so one of us might as well get some sleep.

He's generally very nice and he's great with the children. Just a bit thoughtless sometimes i guess.
He's never been great at presents - has no imagination and just asks me what i want repeatedly then asks me to choose the exact item. Normally i would honestly be happy with no presents.
i think it's just that on this one occasion i would have liked to feel appreciated since I've had a really tough few weeks.
Actually i don't even want a present now, i would rather have a card with a thoughtful message saying how much he appreciates me.

OP posts:

BlueMoonRising · 13/02/2016 17:57

I notice you didn't answer my questions.

Phalenopsisgirl · 13/02/2016 18:32

No yanbu, you are feeling unvalued and your feelings have validity. Men are rubbish at understanding that think differently and that was thoughtless, better to give nothing than such a gesture, it's not even Valentine's Day till tomorrow. I'd ask if that is the sum total of Valentine's Day this year (as he may, just may, have meant that as a silly additional something and tomorrow a lovely meal will be cooked with flowers card etc and then you'll feel bad) and then I tell him that you were a little hurt, explain why, eg you are tired, feeling less than feminine, trying your best to allow him rest etc and some acknowledgment that you are appreciated would have gone a long way. Try not to be stroppy or shouty, even though you probably feel both of those. Then just let it go and wait and see if he takes it on board. ........ If he doesn't book yourself a spa day on his credit card 😂😜😀

Stylingwax · 13/02/2016 18:36

I had a baby 4 weeks ago. I'm actually not arsed about Valentines and my DP doesn't really bother and is generally crap with pressies anyway, but as I also have a Velcro toddler and am BF through the night (am I you?!) I told DP that I was expecting a fucking soppy card with a heartfelt message in it. Just to be sure.

CooPie10 · 13/02/2016 18:42

And what did you buy him?

Phalenopsisgirl · 13/02/2016 18:43

And ignore people who say not to be so materialistic etc. Because actually it's not about the gift, it's about him remembering to keep making you feel like you are treasured by him, right now more than ever. Anyone who doesn't get how and why you feel this way just hasn't really thought about what you are feeling. A Valentine's gift need not be flash or expensive if money is an issue. It's about wanting that person to feel special. A nice hot bath run for you with a cup of tea on a tray can say just as much as an expensive bouquet of flowers.

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer · 13/02/2016 18:54

It's not Valentine's Day until tomorrow. Why not wait to see if he's got you anything before getting upset. Maybe he just picked up something extra in aldi.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/02/2016 18:59

It's about feeling valued, I get that. You say that he's a good dad and pulls his weight so I'm guessing that you value him also? Both of you should talk about your expectations for special days so that you're both doing the same thing.

... and you didn't have 'his baby', you had a baby that both of you chose to have, surely?

Perhaps your lack of sleep is making your feels heightened... what do you need your partner to do so that you can rest a bit more?

VulcanWoman · 13/02/2016 18:59

You're not on your own.

NerrSnerr · 13/02/2016 19:01

If you usually say you want nothing for occasions then he probably wasn't to know you wanted something this year.

I'm also intrigued at what you got him?

browneyedgirl1974 · 14/02/2016 12:17

Did he get you a card op?

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 14/02/2016 13:41

What did you get him?

You didn't have his baby, you carried your child. You make it sound like some huge favour.

NuckyT · 14/02/2016 14:47

Did you get something to make him feel valued?

I cooked DW a steak and seafood meal, brought her a bunch of flowers, fresh coffee in bed, and got...nothing.

Such is Valentine's Day.

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