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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was DH BU telling this child off?

47 replies

PiperChapstick · 13/02/2016 11:55

Went to a restaurant with asoft play in it last night, and DD (2.5) was playing in one of those cosy coupe cars. A boy (about 6) ran past a few times and shook it hard or kicked it. We didn't say anything as it didn't seem to bother her and we don't want to micro-manage her play time. But then he went past as she was climbing out and he purposely pushed the car right over so that it fell on top of her and she hit the nearby wall. At that point DH snapped "Oi leave her alone" at him (he heard as he looked over, but then ran away). DD was in tears and had a lump on her head from where she hit the wall. The couple next to use (not his parents, they were in the main restaurant not watching him) told DH off saying he shouldn't tell someone else's child off. Maybe I'm being PFB but I think it's important for kids to see their parents sticking up for them, and it wasn't an accident so a telling off was due! Was DH BU?

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/02/2016 12:24

I'd have done the same as your DH, and told the nosy couple to mind their own as well - I suppose they thought it was fine for a 6yo boy to hurt a 2.5yo girl, did they? Fucking idiots. Part of the "what's wrong with the world today" situation - no one's prepared to stand up against the bullies. Except your DH, obviously - so good for him.

Youarentkiddingme · 13/02/2016 12:34

If id have seen another child doing this to another child I'd have intervened and got parents involved if needs be - even if it wasn't my child.

I agree to a point of this not micro managing and allowing children a chance to sort things out for themselves but what this often does is just continue to allow laid back passive children to accept being treated like this and rough children like this boy dominate others. They need skills and guidance and confidence to learn what is acceptable, how to communicate their needs to others and to stop other children hurting them.

Your DH WNBU

goodnightdarthvader1 · 13/02/2016 12:35

Not unreasonable. Stupid interfering twats.

Boomingmarvellous · 13/02/2016 12:35

Your DH is great. Got it perfectly right. Sat tight when it was minor and reacted when he needed to. Telling the couple to mi d their own business was the icing on the cake.

nocabbageinmyeye · 13/02/2016 12:38

Yabu if you didn't tell the nosey bastards on the next table to mind their own business otherwise your all good

AnotherStitchInTime · 13/02/2016 12:42

If it was me I would have told nosey couple to mind their own then gone and found the boys parents with dd in arms to tell them about their sons behaviour.

superram · 13/02/2016 12:52

I would have done the same and told the people on the next table that if the child's parents can't be bothered to check on them then someone had to-takes a village and all that.

roundaboutthetown · 13/02/2016 12:53

It is not at all unreasonable to make a bully aware that they are being watched and that their behaviour is unacceptable.

movpov · 13/02/2016 13:02

I would have done exactly the same, then went to find the parents to let them know what happened and ask why they were not supervising their little darling. If he was behaving like this where you were, you can bet he's a little bully elsewhere. 6 is old enough to know better

NanaNina · 13/02/2016 13:05

Stuff like this is always happening in soft play where the parents just ignore their own kids. The thing that gets me is when 5/6 year olds are jumping about in the baby's play area. I tell them to leave because it's for babies and sometimes they do, other times they just stare. My DGD got hit with a big soft block (thrown by a big boy of about 6) and I went to find his parent. She just looked at me and shrugged............grrrrrrh. I am always amazed at how other parents with LOs don't say anything to these older kids but when I do they say "Oh I'm so glad you said that..." I think the dad in question was very restrained in the circumstances.

OhYouLuckyDuck · 13/02/2016 13:22

No, not at all unreasonable.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 13/02/2016 13:34

Your DH absolutely wasn't unreasonable. That wasn't even a telling off. I am very surprised a totally uninvolved couple said anything - how can it be OK for them to tell an adult they don't "off" for something not involving them at all if an adult can't tell a child off for something that does involve their child - their "rules" are very inconsistent Confused ?

I tell other people's kids off, other people tell my kids off - its how it should work as long as everyone is being reasonable ...

Only thing I will say is I'll bet a hundred pounds the naughty kid wasn't 6 at all - parents of toddlers always, always overestimate the ages of bigger kids, especially when feeling protective of their smaller children. It makes no difference - if the boy was 4 he was still in the wrong as was his parent, and both should have known better, but unless OP is an infant school teacher I'd bet she is over-estimating his age.

Topseyt · 13/02/2016 13:36

Not at all unreasonable of your DH. Good on him too for telling the twats on the next table to put a sock in it too. I would have done the same.

The boy was being a little shit and needed to be pulled up on it, a task at which his parents were clearly failing miserably.

Ughnotagain · 13/02/2016 13:39

Of course he did the right thing! I don't know any 6 yr olds but my cousin is 5 and I'd be absolutely appalled if she behaved like that. And she'd quite rightly get a bollocking for it!

jamdonut · 13/02/2016 13:40

Not unreasonable at all.
I "tell children off"...my TA hat forgets to come off sometimes! Other times I have to bite my tongue, and wait for the parents to sort their offspring out. This is especially difficult in supermarkets and restaurants. I can feel my husband glaring at me, daring me to not say anything!!!

Hackedabove · 13/02/2016 13:52

HWNBU

OneMagnumisneverenough · 13/02/2016 14:09

Of course he wasn't unreasonable. If a child needs telling off and his or her parent doesn't then it's fair enough.

OhGodWhatTheHellNow · 13/02/2016 14:10

I remember shouting at a child at a toddler group once, they had the bouncy castle out, my 2yo had fallen over on it and this other child, a bit older, was literally jumping on her head which could have gone very badly. Of course his mum was stood right next to me and it was all a bit embarrassing but she hasn't reacted quickly enough and DD could have been seriously injured. I apologised for toe-stepping but didn't really mean it

FinallyFreeFromItAll · 13/02/2016 14:12

I tell unsupervised bullying brats off. It should be their parents stopping them behaving like that. However if parents aren't bothering to keep an eye or discipline then, what choice do you have to protect your own DC.

TowerRavenSeven · 13/02/2016 14:13

He was NBU! Personally I would have stalked out to the restaurant and found the parents but as they left him alone they probably wouldn't have given a fig either.

FreshHorizons · 13/02/2016 14:16

Of course he wasn't unreasonable. The parents might think so, but that is tough - they can't control other people ( much as they might want to).
Odd that the couple thought your DH couldn't tell someone off but they could! Hmm

CrushedNinjas · 13/02/2016 14:26

Your husband was great on both counts.
If a child is doing something that is causing or likely to cause harm, then I definitely tell them off.
Must admit, I'm glad my DS is too old for soft play now, as I hate having to police (lazy parents) other people's children.

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