Aibu to consider buying a car from joint funds without dp agreeing?

[Aussiemum78]

Dp and I look like we might separate, hugely long back story.

A few years ago I traded in my car, and he bought a car in his company name. It's a practical vehicle (delivery type car, 2 seats). The other car is a sporty type car with a manual transmission that I am not confident driving. The 2nd car is in his name, as is his motorbike. At the time, I agreed as it made financial sense then and I thought I might eventually drive the sporty car.

So I've been using the company car, but also don't drive much so I walk/bus/bike when he uses the company car for work.

It's become really impractical for ferrying kids, going out (he drinks, I don't but going out as a family he has to drive) so I broached the idea of trading "his" sporty car on a family car. He basically refused and said I should drive the sporty car. I think it's unfair he has 3 vehicles that suit his needs, and i get to share one.

So, now I think we might separate (this is one issue among many) but as I'm getting bank accounts etc sorted I'm wondering if Aibu to take some joint funds and buy myself a vehicle? He's stated before if I leave, all vehicles are "his" and in any case I won't want them.

Is it reasonable to buy a car before I freeze the joint accounts/sell the house/do a property settlement? I think it is, but I'm conditioned to feel like I need an agreement with him to take out such a large sum. Obviously the value of cars would be taken into account at settlement but buying one before settlement without his permission is a bit sneaky. Without a car, it could limit where I move and my ability to work etc.

(I would be spending about $20,000 of joint savings, the other vehicles are probably worth $40,000 all up).

I did ask him once, what if I just went and spent $30,000 on a car and he said he'd take $60,000 and upgrade his sports car. Doh! So basically if I do this I'll have to immediately close lines of credit and be ready to move out.

If I dont, I could be without a car for months while the house sells and assets get divided.

I would.

I would check the legalities of it.

I have no idea how it works where you are based. But could you spending half your joint account just before splitting effect anything when assets are divided?

Sorry not half, but a chunk of it.

I would, in a heartbeat. You need a car.
I would also get legal advice about the other 3 vehicles.

In fact, I think you should take the money now, before he does.

He would keep 3 cars and leave you and your kids with no transport if you split? What a peach.

In your circumstances I would probably do it for self protection but I don't know the legal ins and outs. Would you need maintenance to survive once you split? It would probably be best to speak to a lawyer first just to be sure

I need to ask a solicitor to be sure, I wouldn't be "stealing" the funds so much as getting an advance on my share so I'm not inconvenienced by having no car for months.

If a solicitor says it's ok, I still feel guilty that I'm spending joint funds without "permission".

If a solicitor says it's ok then do it and don't give it a second thought. He's the one that should be feeling guilty, not you.

Where do you live?

If you get legal advice, try and double check it and if it's legally ok, do it.

I would be very careful here and receive legal advice. Your statement about his taking 60,000 pounds to upgrade his car sounds like there is a lot of money in your accounts. If he finds out you are planning anything such as leaving etc. he might move all his/your money into an account that only he can withdraw from.

There's a chance you could end up fighting a divorce case with no available money. After seeing a lawyer and taking his advice, it might be an idea to open a separate account with another bank and a post office box address and start squirrelling away a few pounds here and there as emergency funds.

Nnalready in use - money is in a mortgage redraw, I've reduced the limit as much as I can without raising suspicion (he had to sign) but I'll freeze it altogether once I'm ready. I'm also using those funds to pay things like school fees/health insurance in advance before I go.

I'm trying to be smart about it, without being unfair (not that he deserves it, but I don't want to take more than my share).

Ozziefem, it's dollars but yes, we have a big redraw as our mortgage is almost paid off early. once I freeze that, it could be months to sell the house so I'll maybe buy a car first.

My second issue is selling the house when he will refuse to leave it or present it nicely...

I would take the lot and then negotiate a settlement from there. At least you would have access to the cash so you could continue to pay bills and legal fees. Not saying you should necessarily keep all the money indefinitely but you would be in a stronger position because you would be able to deduct the value of the cars off the finsl amount you gave him back and you would be able to pay your lawyer.

I dont see how this could be illegal if the funds are in joint names. This means that either of you could withdraw it. Better imo to be the one who actually has control of the money.

I dont think i would spend 20,000 on a car. I would take (if its legal) the 20,000, buy a cheap second hand car and use the rest for living when you split.

It's dollars though, I think about £8k. I'd be buying something like a near new Corolla - nothing extravagant.