To flake on a hen do abroad?

[MrBensMrs]

Hi All,

Recently found out I am pregnant but am due to go on a hen do at the end of the month in Budapest. I will be 8 weeks when we fly.

I really don't want to go. Morning sickness hasn't kicked in yet but I am worried a flight would be dreadful and more than that we booked it last year (obviously before I knew we would even start trying) so all of the activities are around drinking, a beer bike, partying and going to the thermal baths - spending a day there hanging out in the baths and getting massages - which I can't do.

We're there over a weekend and I don't want to be a kill joy and ask to go back to the apartment after the meal before the drinking begins as I'm tired or sick and I don't want anyone to expect they have to come back with me. And I'm not sure what I would do all day when they're at the baths - it'll be cold and I know I'll be feeling much too tired to go sightseeing on my own. Coupled with the fact I have been before and of an evening I wouldn't want to get into a taxi on my own nor walk anywhere back to the apartment on my own either.

I have paid for my flights, activities and accommodation so no one will be out of pocket if I don't go, but I know they'll be disappointed. I am not in the bridal party and am not a super close friend but I know the bride well and she's a good friend - there's at least 10 of us going so I know I won't be massively missed as if it were a small group.

I think I have made my mind up but just wanted confirmation I'm not being difficult or a party pooper?

I already feel super tired and run down, it's the sickness that hasn't started, but I don't want wait for it to turn up or not and then flake last minute if it does.

I am going on another abroad hen do in April (again booked forever ago) which is lying on a beach and doing nothing which I know I will have no issue with. I guess it's the fact that it's a fast paced city break - 48 hours of everything I can't do - which makes me not want to go and be the awkward one or spend half of it on my own.

I'm 8 weeks now and there is no way I'd go. You're likely going to have to tell the bride the truth for her to understand, but you'd never enjoy the trip. You can't have a massage or a hot spa in first trimester from the research I've done. So that counts out any of the non boozy activities.

Hope she understands and all goes well with you pregnancy.

I flaked out of a hen do when I was 6 months pregnant. I didn't fancy being sober whilst a group of mainly strangers got drunk. A friend pointed out that if I really didn't want to go, at least I'd only have lost my money not my time too.

Don't go.

Offer to take the bride out for a lovely meal or afternoon tea to make up for it.

Been on a few UK based hen do's when pregnant, hugely regretted it the whole way through, just so boring and extra draining as you cant drink to take the edge off/be more social/fun, you sit there and watch everyone else get drunk. Then looks really boring for not drinking/going home early.