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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want my DH to think ahead

46 replies

Dollymixtureyumyum · 11/02/2016 05:55

We are both off work this week
He goes and makes an advanced doctors appointment for 7.30am this morning so we both have to be up. Him to go to doctors and me to look after DS. Ask if that was the only appointment avaiable and he says no I could have had one at 9:30!!!
This is after saying yesterday morning he felt really tired and could I get up with DS and I could have a lie in tomorrow (today). He only told me of docs appointment after he had the lie in as he forgot. Why did he not think we were both off work so maybe one of us could have a lie in.
Anyway that is mildly annoying the incident that really got on my nerves was-
I was out yesterday from about 3pm, we do not let DS have a sleep after 3pm as it means he does not sleep at night well and is awful to put down to bed.
Get in at about 11.30pm to my husband complaining it took hours to get DS down and he had only just gone to bed and he had to take all the stars off his star chart (only started star chart yesterday so granted not many stars)
Turns out DS had a sleep from 4pm till 5.30pm!!!!!. I just glared at him and walked out of lounge and went to bed.
I know what he was thinking- oh good DS is asleep and I can watch the cricket in peace. Did not think the trouble it would cause later at bedtime
Arsehole

OP posts:

Muskateersmummy · 11/02/2016 07:50

This sounds very typical of men and I honestly don't think it's worth getting worked up over tbh. He probably forgot your agreement re the lie in, it happens. I'm sure you forget sometimes too. Maybe he wants the procedure over and done with which is why he went with the earliest appointment.

As for letting DS sleep, he possibly doesn't know the routine as well as you, or DS was particularly tired and fell asleep, and he didn't want to wake him. Fair enough you then can't complain about him not going down at bedtime but I think you are over reacting a tad. Unless this is symptomatic of larger issues

Original poster

Dollymixtureyumyum · 11/02/2016 07:50

I know it does not sound it but usually he is great. I have epilepsy and have seizures and he is fab with those.

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 11/02/2016 07:53

I knew someone would pipe up with the " oh it's just what men are like" bullshit sooner or later muskateer

I bet he's not useless at work.

3WiseWomen · 11/02/2016 07:56

TBh with things like leaving having a nap until late, I just left DH to handle it. Any moan is met with a 'Yep. That's what happens when he sleeps late.'
Repeat ad nauseum.

Same with the pain. If you don't want to take painkillers, then you aren't allowed to complain in my house (True with the dcs too, esp when they don't take to take xxx because it's DISGUSTIIIIING but are then happy to moan it hurts etc...).

I wouldn't let him avoid the toddler group. If you are in pain, you take painkillers and you don'y use it to avoid to do xxx. Maake yourself busy as you knew he would do with your dc

Muskateersmummy · 11/02/2016 07:56

It maybe bullshit, but if it's a one off then it's really not worth sweating about. I also think it could easily have been me that forgot our agreement about a lie in as much as my dh.

Routines at home, yep I do think in the main women know them better than men. (Unless the man is a sahp)

Potatoface2 · 11/02/2016 07:57

read the 'incompetent husband' thread....

3WiseWomen · 11/02/2016 07:58

Arrrrg. The 'It's normal for men' argument.

I hate, hate, hate that. Because somehow having a penis is making them stupid and forgetful as soon as they set a foot in the house.
But when they are at work, they are the ones in charge and knowing it all.

Riiight.

LBOCS2 · 11/02/2016 07:58

But why is it Dolly's responsibility to know their DS's routine better than her husband? He's her DH's son too. And it's not symptomatic of 'men' - having testes doesn't immediately render someone incapable of thinking ahead or forward planning. The attitude that it's a male thing just facilitates their 'incapability' rather than forcing them to step up and deal with it.

Goingtobeawesome · 11/02/2016 07:58

It's not a one off though is it?

What a load of bollocks to say the poor men can't help it.

ForTheLongestTime · 11/02/2016 08:08

The 'all I hear is yelling' thing - yes! This is me and my DH. He just stands / sits there and yells frustratedly. Usually until I come and sort it. It drives me mad.

Yesterday evening I had a bath with DS, the plan being that DH would take him out and dress him for bed time so I could stay in and relax. He managed to cock up so badly that DS had to be changed twice - once because he had put him in a sleepsuit that was too small, and next because he let DS run into the bathroom and plunge his arms into the bath. All while yelling frustratedly rather than taking any action, of course. Then I finished the bath in a hurry to come and change the sleepsuit and DH muttered vile shit about me leaving the bathroom in a state once DS was in bed.
Makes me feel like I can't do stuff for me, even when DH has technically agreed, as he'll find a way to fuck up care of toddler so I have to do it.

lighteningirl · 11/02/2016 08:15

This is why being a single parent rocks I really don't get why men who hold down jobs are incapable of simple stuff at home. It must be deliberate to force you out of the bath/deny you a lie in/make you do it all.

Original poster

Dollymixtureyumyum · 11/02/2016 08:18

He knows his routine- he is his dad

OP posts:

schrodcat · 11/02/2016 08:22

Riiight.

That is superb, 3wisewomen. Well, that has cheered me up even if my DH is as bad or worse as OP's.

BitOutOfPractice · 11/02/2016 08:24

In fairness he has taken a painkiller, just not in the form you'd expect for a sore neck

ThursdayLastWeek · 11/02/2016 08:28

Today OP I simply wouldn't let him become pathetic. Take no shit, be a 'nag', whatever it takes.

DO NOT MARTYR yourself to this man.
He sounds a right pillock.

And I can categorically state this is not just how men are. It's how selfish idiots are.

JizzyStradlin · 11/02/2016 08:47

Just because the man in your life is a fuckwit muskateer, it doesn't follow that men are in general. The problem is with the ones you know, not the male of the species per se.

That said, I would entirely disengage from the painkiller situation OP. Not your problem. Just ensure you have a migraine this afternoon.

Baconyum · 11/02/2016 09:30

Just to clarify my 'typical bloke' was in no way meant to defend or excuse! There is absolutely no good reason for men to leave it all to mum when they're perfectly capable of organising and contributing equally to the running of the home.

I have 2 friends that are single dads, they regularly despair of these type of lazy dads who pa create situations so that mum has to take over and get things running smoothly again, its pathetic!

Goingtobeawesome · 11/02/2016 17:12

It's easy to say don't do it and rescue rescue the poor little man, but if you don't the child might suffer. I suspect that is why a lot of mums give in and take over. They can't all be under the thumb/controlled/etc.

BitOutOfPractice · 11/02/2016 23:22

You're right and that is what these manchild types no doubt rely on

BitOutOfPractice · 11/02/2016 23:22

You're right and that is what these manchild types no doubt rely on

3WiseWomen · 12/02/2016 07:52

Actually, I have left my dcs 'suffer' as you say.

Suffer as in letting DH do what he wants, routine out of sync, child overtired type of scenario.
Or DH not taking snacks, child screaming blue murder.

Because every single time, he had to then realise that yes our dc would do xxx if yyy didn't happen.

And I would have no hesitation doing so because this is exactely the way I learnt about it. No snack = a child who is hungry and screaming.
As mothers, we all make mistakes at some point and we learn from that. These are our mistakes and trials and errors that told us what's working.

It is a shame that our DH can't learn from us rather than from first hand experience but 'letting the dc suffer' with their dad as dad are learning isn't much different than 'letting them suffer' with us when we were learning too.

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