To be Panicked about this work meeting?

[Cake0rdeath]

Hi all,

I know I am but I can't shake the idea that my boss now thinks I'm going to have a breakdown at any second.

Essentially, work has been terrible since October last year. I work 4 days and, due to the nature of the job, have been fitting in 5+ days in this time. No different to most working parents but the demands of the job mean that I'm also working til well past 10pm most nights-just to keep on top of the workload. I have additional responsibilities at work (lots of emails/dealing with queries/paperwork-nothing taxing, just time consuming) and also study PT.

I've been increasingly miserable and know I can't sustain this level of work; I have no work/life balance and feel that I'm not doing home or work particularly well.

Prior to DS I could go in early and leave late, leaving at least a few evenings each week free. Now due to childcare, Im run ragged from 6am, work solidly from the moment I get in to work (no lunch or break here) until I leave to pick up DS. DH helps but work prohibits him from doing as much as he'd like.

Anyway, I decided to speak to my line manager about how I was feeling. They were supportive and quite active in helping to look for solutions to minimise the stress. I don't expect a huge amount-perhaps just a little more consideration when it comes to divying up the projects next time around to make them more equal.

I got an email from the boss today asking for a meeting tomorrow. Im absolutely shitting it in case I'm now known forever as "the one who couldn't cope". I want to go for promotion eventually (hence the studying on top of working and a 2 year old) and I'm now convinced I've blown my chances.
Anyone about to talk me down?

As far as I can see you are putting in a lot of effort and it doesn't seem they have any reason to call you in over your work. It's more likely that they want to work with you to find a solution that suits the company and you. The meeting with your manager seemed positive so I think it's more to do with that.

You're not 'the one who couldn't cope'; you're 'the one who recognised that things weren't working, and wanted to discuss alternative strategies before the situation reached crisis point'.

Good luck for the meeting. You will be fine.

I seriously doubt it. From what you've said you sound extremely conscientious and hard working. Try to think of this meeting in positive terms and an opportunity to work together to improve the situation. You've worked very hard and people do notice and remember that.

Go to the meeting prepared, with some ideas on how perhaps the tasks can be shared, whether a contractor to take off some pressure in the short term would be an option etc. It's good they are following up, you're being proactive and helpful not unable to cope. Be kind to yourself.

If you're studying is this voluntary? Can you not put that on the back burner to concentrate on family life if you feel it's getting too much?

Need to keep studying in order to be qualified for the job that will open up upon a colleagues retirement in 2 years: if there wasn't that time pressure, I'd have a break.

Thanks for your advice. I think I'll go in with some short term solutions as the main change can't happen until this (and the next) project are over.

Has your oh had a meeting with his work to see what can be done with his work to help out more with the Childcare? Why does t all have to fall to you?

I agree that what you are doing is not sustainable by the way and hope your employers see that and address it. But you said that your ohs work doesn't let him help out more than he does. Why then must it fall to you? Surely he should also be encouraging his employers to engage with flexibility.

cake I worked with a gentleman who did everything he could to get a job that he thought would be his as someone was retiring and lo and behold the job was given to someone else. I'm not saying this will be the case with you but are you absolutely, steadfastly, iron clad sure this job will be yours? If so, then you just need to keep on with studying and see it as a means to an end and know that it will be worth it in the long run. remember the phrase "this too shall pass"

Would it be increasing to 5 days to decrease the stress

I'm in no way deluded enough to think that the job is automatically mine, I just have to be qualified in order to get an interview. Even if I didn't get the job (which is likely because there are quite a few ahead of me in terms of seniority) then I'd be in a position to look elsewhere without feeling guilty at leaving the company when they've paid for 50% of my uni fees!
DH does what he can -one nursery drop off and one pick up a week. His commute is ridiculous and he's equally as busy as me. I work closer to nursery so it makes sense that I do more. You're right in that he could do more to Ease the burden at home-I'll float the idea of him doing an extra bedtime for DS during the week.
I'm just overwhelmed and an so used to being on top of things that it's an alien feeling. My line manager made it clear that I'm doing too much and need to lower my standards at work but I'm not sure if that's something I can do. I've always been fastidious and unable to just let things be "ok" as opposed to good or excellent. I suppose the issue now is learning to pull back and not trying to be everything to everyone.
I may go back 5 days once DS is a little older. The idea of doing 4 days was to give me a day free to just be mum, but that's turned into worrying about work, replying to emails, working when he's napping and continuing to work when he's asleep. It's just turned into a working from home day that I'm not even paid for. Going back to 5 days is certainly something to consider.