Is it me or him? Little things potentially snowballing into a big issue

[notahappybunny1]

Just need some perspective really.

Our toddler isn't sleeping very well, children rarely sleep in past 6am anyway and it's been a tough week at work for both of us and we're tired.

But ... I'm usually upbeat and happy but I'm really struggling with it at the moment.

He works full-time and long hours, I work part-time but do all the house stuff etc - and its pretty full on as children are pre-school age.

We just seem to bicker all the time.

I am polite, thoughtful and try to teach this to my children - yet I feel I have an overgrown child I'm educating at the same time! A little thanks goes a long way with me and he should know this after over 10 years together.

This morning he's really brought me down. We didn't really speak as I could tell he was in a bad mood after not sleeping well again but I was civil and made small talk.

I didn't get a response.

I then mentioned (as I do every month) that its 11 months to the date since my Dad passed away - to which he responded with "Is it? Next month will be tough. So are you getting a shower now or what, it's 6.30am and I'm going to be late"

I didn't speak to him after that and I don't think he really noticed/or it bothered him.

Seriously - I have friends/family who would have reacted in such a different way - they'd have started a fight with their other half, told him exactly what they thought, chucked stuff and cried.

I just feel numb. And I'm scared it's because I don't really care enough to fight anymore.

Am I oversensitive? Is he a grumpy thoughtless git? Is it a bigger issue or are we just in need of sleep?

Can you afford a cleaner? If so do immediately.

Both of you are tired and ground down. Work out how to ease the load in anyway possible before dooming your relationship to the dustbin.

Do you need to see someone about your grief? Your dh is not a trained counsellor and if you are not coping with your grief his support will not help no matter how hard he tries.

This particular incident sounds normal, tbh. He was tired, it was first thing in the morning and he was just thinking about getting to work on time.

However, you say this is a only one in a long line of incidents - what are the other problems? Are you bickering because you're both tired/fed-up or are there some deeper problems?

I'm so sorry for the loss of your father

Haven't a lot of time but just wanted to say that this all seems to be the management of anger?

Like you're both tip toeing around a fire afraid to get burnt. That if you really do start to get things off your chest it will snowball like a fire out of control.

In a relataionship the hardest part is managing the bad. The good comes easily.

I'm rushing out the door but please book an appointment with cruse to discuss the loss of your father.

You're swallowing lots of anger.arguing till you the fire gets out of control and you all flop to the floor like beaten prize fighters isnt good either.

Once you've had some counselling...and p,ease do look at how anger was managed in your childhood a spell at relate to convey how you'd like your needs met my help.

Sorry it's brief and rushed but I felt the underlying cause is not being addressed!

Forgive the typos . Also have headache from hell