To ask for advice to help DD3 not feel academically inferior to her sisters.

[jonesthegirl]

A bit of background DD3 15 year 10 has always felt that she is academically inferior to her two elder sisters, despite also passing her 11+. This is because both her sisters achieved 10 A* stars at Gcse DD1 now a 2nd year Chemistry student at Cambridge. DD2 yr12 doing the IB wants to follow her sister to either Cambridge or Oxford. DD3 by contrast will have to work hard to get in to her Sixth Form that reqiures B grades and the odd A grade.

My dd2 was not academic and I remember the awkward moment when I asked her Year5 teacher about her doing the 11+. Basically she just said she needed to be in the top 20% in the class. (Implying she wasn't). She compared her unfavourably to another girl who she knew would get into the grammar. Luckily my dd she also had a talent in a specific field and trained in that quite intensively, which gave her that real sense of achievement, and she developed an amazing work ethic in her chosen field.

Her talent didn't work out, in the sense she wasnt going to reach the very elite levels of said activity, and she decided on going to uni, via the grammar school. She got the gcse grades to get in, and is keeping up with the very academic students through hard work. Recently a teacher suggested a dyslexia screen, as her written work never quite reflected her knowledge and effort and it turns out that she has a processing problem. This screening was enough to get her some extra time in exams. It was done by someone in the school. (Senco). So didn't involve ed psychs or paediatrians. Ironically the results suggest dyspraxia, which might have been what stopped her reaching the top level of her sport.

I would ask at school if she could be screened for dyspraxia. (By the way the girl who went to the grammar, left shortly after the sixth form started. She was much more interested in other things and not really interested in putting in the effort.

OP I've not read the whole thread but saw the bit about you suspecting that your DD3 has dyspraxia and high functioning Autism/Aspergers, and I agree that it is very difficult to diagnose in girls. DD is actually my bright child and we didn't realise that her disorganization and exam panic/nerves leading to under performance were down to these conditions.
The best thing the support staff did for her at school was to run a test that showed she was slow at processing (writing/typing) which gave her extra time in her exams.
Diagnosis came at uni stage to give her the support she needed.

And to answer your opening question I don't compare my DC but we do celebrate what they are good at.

Thanks Sad/Sparkle. DD3 would possibly like to do History/English and something else at A Level ?...

The school have identified a slight weakness in her written work. However, possibly the reason this was picked up was because it was a Grammar school .

I doubt being on course for mostly B grades and A grades in English/History would have been picked up in a comprehensive school. DD3 complains sometimes that her hand hurts after about 20 minutes writing .

The point being that DD3 has coped up to this year reasonably well and her prospective grades/homework are currently holding up .

However, i do you though DS that Irlens Syndrome can present itself with Dyslexia and other symptoms of HFA. This was evidenced when DS reading speed went up 35% when tested using colored paper and glasses.

I suspect i will have to pay for a private diagnosis Dyslexia report costing £300+ to see if my suspicions are correct. I have identified similarities to DS though these have presented themselves at 15 not 7.

The High Functioning Autism if diagnosed in DD3 can be traced back to me !.

I have all three Aspergers/Dyslexia and Dyspraxia.....Undiagnosed in the 1980s at School....

I do know, through DS .... ' Dyslexia Reporting for Duty' Sorry.

Jones, DD grades are all A and A* through to A level and she went only to a secindary school, although it is a high performing one.
The test for extra time done in school did not cost anything, the full tests at uni were expensive.
DD is a STEM student so her A levels and degree were not essay subjects. She did history at GCSE and A level and it was a struggle for her, I don't think she would have managed 2 or 3 essay based A levels.
She has trouble with hand cramps etc and her writing is messy, although perfectly spelt and grammatically correct. She can only write with a free flowing pen and had to try lots to get one that works for her.

Sorry Sparkle for my comment that a standard Comprehensive school might not have picked up DDs slight weakness in writing speed or her comprehension. I guess it might be difficult in a low performing comprehensive/modern school to pickup issues that mean a pupil will get B grades rather than A grades .

I will speak to the schools SENCO tomorrow asking them to test DDS writing speed.

Finally well done to your DD , who has succeded despite issues with writing speed and messy handwriting...

jones, that sound so difficult.

I do think that bright/well compensated children are often not picked up or given the necessary support that would allow them a fair experience.

Hope you do get a good result from the SENCO.

Ideally, if they test her, they should be measuring things like writing speed (or reading speed) relative to her other skills. So, if she is rather above average (which she must be with these grades), she should have a reading/writing speed that is also above average. If it is 'only' average, or even within the normal range and low, then it will drag down her other skills, and means that she deserves proper support.