To say no to giving more money

[mommy2ash]

I am lucky enough to have parents who help me out with childcare for after school while I work. My dd is nine and I also pay for after school care so she is finished at half three every day.

I finish work between half four and half six.

We have agreed a sum of money, I'm in Ireland so this isn't illegal. My dad however is constantly asking odd money and if I say no threatens to end childcare arrangements.

I work in a minimum wage job and struggle to make ends meet as it is so I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can't afford a childminder, I can't afford to give more money but equally can't afford to say no and have my childcare taken away.

I've just looked at my credit card statement and have given an extra 200 euros in January than was agreed. I finally said no today as I'm not paid till Wednesday and I only have enough left to pay for after school club and food till then.

There has been a falling out now as I can't give money. I know I shouldn't rely on my parents and I'm very grateful for their help but the financial situation is getting out of control

I'm assuming you noticed you'd given an extra 200 in January because all the extra bits & bobs added up? Not that he somehow managed to obtain money without your being aware?

You need to put your foot down here I'm afraid - if not it will only escalate

Agree with Fluffy if your dd is 9 then another mum from school may be happy to pick her up from school and mind her for a couple of hours for 10 euros a day. I'd investigate that if I was you. Your dad is a very sad waste of space I'm afraid to treat his daughter and dgd in this way.

Would another school mum mind her for €50 a week

That'd fuck him up

^ This!
Seriously, you need to do something to separate your arrangements (and money) from his.

I'm sorry, I know he is your Dad OP, but he sounds horrible - I would try to keep him at arm's length.

Try to find alternative arrangement, another mum is a good idea.

I'd be trying everything I could to cut the strings on this arrangement. Is job hunting for something with different hours an option?

Alternatively call his bluff, say no and tell him if he makes you miss your work you will lose your job and then he will not only have nothing but be solely responsible for your hardship and you'll make sure everyone knows it. Risky though.

YADNBU

If my youngsters were young I'd jump at £50 a week to bring an extra child for a few hours. Plus she would be company for my child. Start asking about OP and when you get help that'll piss him right off as he's lost £50 a week.

i would be finding a friend who needs the cash at nine does she walk home herself? my dd at age nine would go to the park on the way home and easily get home at four thirty yes you might need help every third week but some of it could easily be covered by school friends

do you have much of a playdate culture over there? i would have my friends children till seven for a playdate and feed them for free so they could play with my dd

Round here some people pay a sixth former a bit of pocket money to travel/walk with a primary school child. Obviously you would need to be careful and get references etc, but would that be an option for you?