AIBU to think it's ok for my DC to cry?

[QuietWhenReading]

If my children are given a row for bad behaviour (by me, DH, a teacher or whoever) they sometimes cry.

AIBU to be absolutely fine with this?

I ask because on two threads recently (and at numerous other times on MN) the OP used the fact that their child cried as evidence of how harsh the telling off was.

If my child is in the wrong, and has been disciplined I wouldn't be overly bothered that they were crying.

In fact I'd take it as a good sign that they understood that they were in the wrong/had upset others with their behaviour.

On one of the recent threads lots of posters said "teachers shouldn't be making kids cry". Why not?

Gatta I had a quiet word with my (lovely) Mil about undermining me with the children. She took it onboard and never contradicts me in relation to their behaviour.

Still doesn't tell them off when I'm not there though!

I think some parents need to watch Inside Out again. Sadness is a valid emotion, people! You haven't failed your child if you let them experience it without telling off teachers and neighbours for making your speshul snowflayke feel bad.

notso I think you misunderstood me, I in no way think that it's ok to have a child crying as the 'aim' Of a telling off. Of course not.

I wonder if children who are protected from any negative emotions during their childhood, are more likely to have mental health problems as adults?

Of course everyone wants their kids to be happy, but unhappiness and disappointment are part of life, and kids need to learn how to deal with this.

Yanbu.

But the purpose of the telling off shouldn't be specifically to make a child cry.

I am kind of torn on the whole teachers shouting thing. Fine if they are just trying to be heard or enforce a point. Not fine if it's a display of aggression. Adult aggression can be scary and confusing for kids. I remember getting in trouble a couple of times when I was young and sometimes not being quite sure what I had done wrong / why what I had done had been so bad, just suddenly (out of nowhere in my young mind) getting shouted at can really undermine the trust between you and the adult.

In fact I'd take it as a good sign that they understood that they were in the wrong/had upset others with their behaviour.

I wouldnt.

I think its very obviously a sign they dont like being shouted at. Not necessarily an admittance/acceptance of guilt.

I'd cry if someone massive (by comparison to me) and who had such huge authority over me was shouting at me.

Depends. I remember one teacher at my high school who was horrific - really tall and hugely aggressive. His temper went from 0-60 in seconds - really, you look back and wonder why he was a teacher as he seems to hate children. He yelled at me once until I went beyond tears into throwing up with terror at the thought of being in the same building as him the next day... I'd been standing in the wrong place (having genuinely forgotten I wasn't meant to be there, I've always been a bit flakey about that sort of thing - fair enough to tell a child off for that but he went hugely overboard).

I've always been a sensitive soul and generally, mum didn't get too worked up about my tears... But that time she did complain, not because I'd been told off but because of the hugely disproportionate nature of the beasting I got.

I know a particular teacher who will shout and rant until he gets the response he is after, which is tears.

Ds bursts into tears at the drop of a hat so got away fairly lightly. Dd who goes shuts down and just stares silently was accused of insolence and got detentions, head teacher and parents called for a fairly minor transgression. The teacher is a dick.

Tears are not an adequate gauge of distress in children. They all react differently.

I have one son who would cry and sob and another who gets very defensive and will actually cry and scream back if getting bawled at. This is just their natural reactions to being yelled at.

I tell mine that's it's okay to cry, a normal part of being a person. Why would anyone suggest otherwise?

Sorry, totally misunderstood the question.

If I made my dd cry when telling her off that would be a sign I went to far. Every child is different and to be fair I rarely have to tell her off.

I do think if a child needs to cry they should be encouraged to let it out. I see too much if so called being sensitive labelled as a bad thing these days

YANBU

I made my deputy head's 10 year old son cry yesterday.

He groaned loudly when a new child said that they were remaining permanently in the area. I took him outside and asked him to imagine how he would feel if someone reacted like that to his presence and he burst into tears. I see that as a good thing.