AIBU to expect a little bit of from employers compassion following miscarriage

[feelingempty]

I am a registered childminder and look after a lovely little girl. I work Mon/Weds/Fri and asked for this Weds off as I had my 12 week scan. I explained to parents reason and they were excited and I took the day out of my annual leave. The scan showed that my baby had died at 8 weeks, obviously i am feeling really upset and empty about this and am struggling to talk about it without breaking down in tears. I text the parents to inform them the news from the scan as I thought they had a right to know. Maybe I'm expecting too much from them, I didn't get a reply, not even a short I'm sorry. I really could have done with having today off work as I am a wreck, I am bursting into tears all the time. I was hoping that they might suggest I take today, I don't expect to be paid, I just needed a bit of time. AIBU, I feel totally let down by them, I have loved and cared for their daughter (I know I am paid for this but I really do love their little girl, I don't just "look after her") I just feel like they don't care about me or my wellbeing at all.

Very sorry for your loss. I had three miscarriages and unfortunately found that some people were very insensitive. To be honest, I think the ones who said nothing were actually better than the ones who made stupid insensitive comments though.
I think that you need to stop thinking of the parents as your employers though. You are self employed and whether or not you take unpaid time off is up to you not them. I wouldn't take much time off apart from the hospital appointment as they may start to look elsewhere for childcare.

I suspect that they're in the category of people who just don't know what to say so keep quiet - rather like the people who cross the road rather than talk to someone who's been bereaved. Some people worry that talking about things like this might in itself upset the person concerned. Don't give them any more headspace, and cherish yourself, OP.

See, I don't think they're necessarily insensitive, rude etc. They may just be trying to keep the relationship on a professional footing and not blur personal and professional boundaries. The OP did not cancel work, so they may just think, OK she's in work mode, and get on with the rest of their day and, yes, be relieved they don't have to take a day off themselves or arrange alternative childcare.

They are paying for a service, the service is being provided. They may not think it appropriate to intrude into very personal territory - they may well be rude, selfish, insensitive etc, but I don't think we know that from the information so far.

I have returned to work after bereavement and just wanted to get on with work, not face intrusive and upsetting questions.

OP may need time off, that's her call, and I wish her well. I am sorry for those of you who did not get support from friends and family I really am - but these people are not her friends and family as far as we know.

Sorry for your loss.

Some people are not very good at dealing with personal information in a professional relationship. Also they are dependent on you for childcare in order to work so they won't suggest you take time off, as they probably don't have a back up.

I think they were soulless to say nothing though. They are parents themselves - they know what it is to be pregnant.

Tell them if you need time off. Do you know another childminder who can take their dc?

Thanks everyone, I think I'll let them know I'll be taking next week off unpaid. I'm hoping to wait and see if it ends naturally. I think I was hesitant at taking time off as if I need to go in for a D&C I'll need time off for that too and I can only afford to have so much time off with mortgage, bills etc. I guess I was reading too much into their non-reaction, I'm feeling very sensitive at the moment.

Sorry for your loss OP
I've been in your situation. Mine was very early and hard to cope with. I took some time off work and everyone was lovely to me.

I actually think your clients are being very rude and insensitive. Yes they're just clients who pay you for a service HOWEVER the nature of your job means you have formed a bond with their child, and you sound like you're on friendly terms with them....I absolutely would reply to your text in their shoes, expressing my sympathy and shock.
Are you positive that they received it? Seems so strange that they would just ignore a message like that.

usedtobefeckless I wasn't having a go, I'm pro choice. I just know how upsetting having a miscarriage is so didn't think it was wise to muddy the waters by bringing up the notion of abortion.

To the posters asking if the clients got the text, of course they did otherwise they'd have asked how the scan went. They got the update and have ignored it. Fuckers.

Ah you poor thing. I wish they had been kind to you. We can only guess why they didn't acknowledge your sad news.

I'm sorry, that's very sad news.