To want to postpone my party?

[BusyCee]

I've got my 40th bday in about 6wks. I also have a 3dcs, 5 and under, youngest is now 4mo and ebf. She's been waking every 2hrs recently and I haven't yet cracked any type of sleep routine with her. I put on weight since she was born (partly because I'm so knackered and they're so demanding I never get to actually eat a plate of food, so am constantly grazing on snack food and sweet food and never entirely sure how much I've eaten). I'm still that horrid saggy breastfeeding shape, and in manky grey bf bras.

DH has arranged a party. I've asked if we can postpone it for a year so I've got a fighting chance of actually enjoying it. I feel there's a strong possibility that I'll spend the evening upstairs comforting/ feeding the youngest while everyone else enjoys themselves. I've been pregnant or BFing so much of the last 6yrs and have spent so much time soberly watching everyone else enjoy things without having to limit themselves (booze intake; time to bed etc) that I don't really want to have to do it again when it's actually my party... Also, if we do go ahead and do it, and I do spend the night upstairs sorting out children while everyone else has fun, that's it. There won't be another chance to celebrate. That will be my memory of my 40th.

DH has been really unsupportive thinks we can't keep our lives on hold; that youngest will be more consistent and sleep longer by then; I suspect he also thinks I'm being a bit dramatic. He wants to crack on. Says it'll all be ok. I suspect he's put a lot of work in and doesn't want to cancel now.

Aibu to want to wait and have a fighting chance of actually enjoying my birthday? Ot should I just try to think positively, slap on a smile, accept my body is shit, pile on the make up, enjoy my 3 drink limit and be grateful for what I've got?

Who's your Dh organising party for, you or him? I don't blame you for wanting to postpone it at all.

The party that should be

Your birthday, your call. I wouldn't want to do it with a 5 month old either.

i woud want to postpone too, regardless of how much effort he has put in- it's your party and you should feel able to enjoy it.

Totally don't blame you for feeling like this, I would too. You want to look and feel your best and enjoy your party. It's a milestone birthday after all.

In 12 months time it might feel like you're just celebrating your 41st, and you never did anything significant for the 40th. That would be how I'd feel and I'd be kind of about it. Maybe you could compromise and wait 6 or 8 months...maybe around the end of summer? That would be nice. We usually get good weather too so you can go outside.

Should be your choice at the end of the day...but I think only our kind would understand your reasoning iyswim, so you might have to fight this! Has your dh sent invites and bought lots of things? He's probably thinking about that rather than you. Quite understandable if money is an issue. Otherwise it shouldn't matter about inconveniencing guests etc, it should matter about how you feel and how much you will enjoy it! This party is about you, not the guests! Please remind him of this without sounding too much like a selfish brat

My gran had her 80th bday (same week as my 30th!) and she had a small party for all her family and old chums and me and dp spent the entire afternoon soothing and rocking and eventually driving our screaming 4month old baby around the town! Left early and barely saw her. Absolute nightmare! I was shattered. We didn't even celebrate my 30th properly. In fact, it was even forgotten by half of dp's family! Baby took centre stage I guess. I can't complain as I wouldn't have enjoyed my own party anyway! Motherhood is tiring!

I think the compromise and waiting til later in year might win him around. Baby will in better routine and you can make some lifestyle changes and remember what sleep is again and you will feel better and actually be able to enjoy yourself. I hope he can see why this is so important. I'm sure he'd rather organise a good memory rather than a bad one for you x

Ok. Good to know I'm not entirely bonkers. I mean, the very fact I've been posting in the middle of the night is an indicator, right?

Decaff - I totally agree about taxes...

I don't know, I can sort of see your husbands point. I don't think there's anything wrong with just cancelling it completely - if you don't want the party, you don't want it. It's the postponing until next year I think is a bit daft. Have a big party when you're 41 but I wouldn't be thinking of it as postponed 40th.

Is a party what you actually want? Me, I hate parties and would prefer a city break.

I love parties!! That's partly the point for me - I used to party quite a lot, but obvs while having the children I haven't been able to and I've missed it. A lot. I do want to have a good party....and would feel really cheated if I wasn't able to take part because o was sorting out children.

Yeah maybe you have a point. Maybe have one next year too...

Tell him if it goes ahead he needs to arrange it to be minimum impact and maximum enjoyment for you. I was in that position for my 40th (which was just a couple of weeks after having our youngest). My husband and best local friend arranged everything and it wasn't at our house (I was adamant on this point as I wanted to be able to leave when I'd had enough and not do any clearing up).
We had it in the afternoon - it did go on into the evening but I went home around 10. I literally didn't do anything except carry baby and feed her, sip champagne, eat yummy food and blow out the candles on my cake. Husband/friends took charge of our older child.
It was the best birthday ever (helped by the fact that my youngest was the baby we'd tried for years to have). I did consider bumping it to my 41st but I'm glad I didn't. I think perhaps nothing would actually have happened if I had.
Good luck OP! I hope you have a fab birthday. X

I think you should postpone. It's your party and whether you celebrate the start or one year into the decade is absolutely your call,

No reason at all why you can't just go for a fabulous lunch, DP can drive and you can be snuggled up breastfeeding with box sets and opening presents by 7pm.

Happy birthday whatever you do!

I cancelled my 40th Birthday party because I didn't feel I would enjoy it ( for different reasons). I have not regretted my decision in 3.5 years. I think had I had the party it could have tipped me over the edge at that point.

I'm going to be devils advocate a little because I actually understand why you would want to postpone...
However, I had my 40th last year. Admittedly I don't have a 5 month old but I do have 2 small children.
They enjoyed partying with us all day into the evening. I barely saw them because they were having so much fun with my friends and then suddenly they appeared fully jama'd up, ready for bed, said goodnight and we didn't see them again till morning.
What, I think, I'm trying to say is let other people sort out the kids, it's your party, you need to enjoy it. Obviously I realise the 5 month old might be more tricky, but let other people help.
You only get one 40th birthday.
If you want a party where you can get drunk with your friends and enjoy yourself you can have an even bigger party somewhen in the next few years without the children there.
It can be your 'I'm actually getting a full nights sleep, I'm no longer breastfeeding, lets get pissed party'.

Oooh! Wuthering! I LIKE that idea!!

I had my 30th with a similarly-aged baby. There was absolutely no fucking way I could have had a night-time party.

Instead we looked at what was actually plausible, and had a big daytime child-friendly picnic party with lots of nice food and friends and their children, where one dad taught them all to play cricket badly and we sat in the sunshine.

Is that sort of thing an option? Call it a mini-festival and hire a bouncy castle/hoopla/coconut shy?