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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To speak to this girl's mum

19 replies

BooptheHoop · 04/02/2016 20:28

I've just read a message on my 11year old son's phone saying "I know you want Olivia's pussy" Its from a girl in his class. He hasn't replied as far as I know and I've had a very good talking to him.
I feel sick that they use this language at 11!! I really want to go into school and address this and possibly speak to the girls parents. What do you think? Would that be an overreaction? Any advice?

OP posts:

gamerchick · 04/02/2016 20:31

Tell the school and let them deal with it. Don't speak to the parents, let the school handle things.

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 04/02/2016 20:33

Yep, I'd be straight in that school! Not approaching the parents

Narp · 04/02/2016 20:34

That's tricky.

Are they at Primary or Secondary?

On balance, I don't think I'd do anything about it, other than to warn my son that if he were respond in kind, then that message is there potentially for anyone to see.

I have 2 sons, one of whom is similar age; the other is older.

pinkcan · 04/02/2016 20:36

I'd certainly take a photo of it using your own phone so you have it if needed.

I'd definitely give a printout of the photo to school if it's primary. I'd think twice if secondary. Not sure in that case.

Original poster

BooptheHoop · 04/02/2016 20:38

They're still in Primary.

OP posts:

Narp · 04/02/2016 20:39

I also think I'd be much more likely to go to school since they are in Primary.

jonquil1 · 04/02/2016 20:42

Agreed, not the mum but the school. Time for the teacher to talk to the class about inappropriate language and respect.

Original poster

BooptheHoop · 04/02/2016 20:45

Thanks for the advice, I will speak to school tomorrow.
Can't believe how quickly they grow up these days! Where do you think they hear this language? I'm pretty sure this girl has no older siblings to hear it from.

OP posts:

Narp · 04/02/2016 20:49

I don't know - it seems unusual to me, and another good reason to take it to the school. It may flag up a Safeguarding issue about her.

Griphook · 04/02/2016 20:52

Oh that's horrible, I'd go to the school and speak to them, it's an awful text. I'd check the rest of his phone to see if there are any more.

Buttwing · 04/02/2016 20:56

Almost exactly the same thing happened a few weeks to my dd. she read out a comment on Instagram from a boy in her class, it referred to another girl in the class and said he wanted to "bend her over and bang her"
They are in y6, I went into see the Deputy head the next day he was great and said he would speak to the parents who were mortified.

blossbloss · 04/02/2016 20:59

Just a word of caution. I spoke to my DDs primary school teacher after witnessing online bullying of another child in her class and other parents saw me, gossiped in the playground, blew it all out of proportion and one of them had a very public go at me about it. On balance I am still glad I reported it but I wish I had made absolutely certain no other parent knew it was me who did so.

Potatoface2 · 04/02/2016 20:59

are they allowed phones in primary school....goodness things have changed!

JWIM · 04/02/2016 21:00

Safeguarding Governor here - please let the school know.

Our Primary children are regularly reminded about social media use. The line the teacher uses is only write something as if a parent or teacher is standing behind you.

Social media is a minefield still for young people because the 'social mores' or appropriate behaviours are still developing and, all the while, a permanent record of such things is being created that, 'in my day', would have been spoken and gone in a second.

Lovecat · 04/02/2016 21:04

Report it to the Head or the member of staff responsible for Safeguarding (this info should be available on the school website) and keep the message on your DS's phone to show them. It's a safeguarding issue and needs to be investigated. Don't speak to the parents, the school will do that.

Iammostseriouslydispleased · 04/02/2016 21:07

I am a teacher. What years 5, 6 and 7 upwards can know, see and do online is horrifying! I think there is still naivety around this area. Sexting is just one level.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-24539514

GasLightShining · 04/02/2016 21:15

Definitely speak to the school. Certainly not an over reaction

My DC's old head used to say that don't say, do or text anything you wouldn't say, do or text in front of the head or your parents. Probably a good thing to tell your DS.

Trojanhorsebox · 04/02/2016 21:16

I would let the school know. As posters above note, they will have safeguarding and social media policies. This may not be an isolated incident so it's better that the school tackle it.

At a slightly older age a girl in my son's year sent topless photos to her boyfriend, who then forwarded them to all his friends, they went all round the school, the girl's parents complained about her being bullied. It all got quite nasty and the school handled it all very well.

yorkshapudding · 04/02/2016 21:21

Definitely speak to the school. As you say, she is learning this language from somewhere. It may be as simple as her accessing stuff she shouldn't be online/on TV and repeating it or it might be part of a bigger picture. I wouldn't broach it with the parents as there may be issues going on within the home that you're not aware of. It could be nothing but sexualised language/behaviour in a child of this age can sometimes be a sign of abuse/CSE so school need to be made aware.

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