to ask if anyone with aspergers can help me communicate with my DS

[Denton89]

18 and no diagnosis but pretty sure hes on the spectrum.

Unemployed - lost his job as he wouldn't meet a few simple requirements like filling in time sheets as "it was stupid"

Good verbal communication skills with the very few friends he has and okay with strangers (shop staff ect) but rarely utters a word to me or DH.

In primary school would spend art lesson drawing 100s of tiny circles as other kids did pictures of there dog ect.

Clever at school - maths and sciences - but mostly refused to cooperate in other subjects - "no point". Was never labelled at school - seen as single minded and clever rather than having a problem.

Has a few friends who he sees rarely and then its about playing / talking about computer games but laughs with them and seems like a "normal" teenager. DH is mostly at work and says its just how DS is which is no help.

Lacks empathy - doesn't seem to care if me and DH live or die. Only communicates when he can't find the food he wants. But this is more than being a stroppy teenager. I'm so worn down by it I've lost the will to try and break through the barrier he puts up but want to help him.

AIBU to ask for some tips on how to communicate with my DS?

My DS, aged 18, has Asperger's and we're going through a particularly difficult patch at the moment. I just wanted to say how helpful it is to read the comments on here from people who have Asperger's. The stuff about having done enough talking for the day; not replying when spoken to; being able to make an effort for friends, but not for us - that's all so familiar and I find it very hard to cope with. It's a relief to know it's par for the course. He also 'hates' us but is incredibly dependent on me in many ways, and quite controlling, which creates its own tensions.
Only communicates when he can't find the food he wants. I almost laughed out loud - that is EXACTLY what DS is like. The only reliable way to please him is to put his favourite foods in front of him.
I second the tip about driving. He'll also wander in and talk to me when I'm busy doing other things - which can be exasperating, but now I wonder if perhaps it's because he finds it easier when I'm not focused on him.

This is exactly why I ended up on the internet, years ago. It's such a wonderful feeling when you throw a handful of questions and symptoms out into the ether and have responses that say 'Yup, us too. Have you tried...?'
or having older Aspies post and say 'This is what it's like for me, and this is why you might not get the response you expected'
Online communities can be a godsend.

Folloqing these fuys has helped me understand my very late(40) diagnosed husband www.aspergerexperts.com

*following
*guys

www.burgessautistictrust.org.uk

www.autism.org.uk

My ds has aspergers but is of primary age so a bit younger than your ds. I find talking to him when he's in the car or playing outside helpful.

He's younger than your ds so responds well to a visual timetable. He responds well to a timetable and structure even if there are changes to it.

I've attended parental workshops run by BAT and mAS has useful info sheets on various topics. Links above.

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences and insights; I've learnt so much and already I am seeing slight changes in DS because I am behaving differently towards him.

Good luck Denton.
Would you be able to convince your son to seek a diagnosis?
If your son decides to return to education he will be given extra support, and time to complete assignments. Similarly, in the world of work he will be protected by the disabilities discrimination act. If he is involved with the job centre/benefits his difficulties will be taken into account.

My husband was left undiagnosed for too long. He struggled (and probably will do for life) with his mental health. He is incredibly bright, but has never (yet hopes) reached his true potential.
I truly believe if my husband had received a diagnosis, or even at least recognition he was stuggeling early on he would enjoy the world around him more and find life (and form filling) happier and more fulfilling.
Again, best of luck and well done to you for reaching out for help for your son.