AIBU to not want to leave my baby with my close friend?

[artisanroast]

My close friend and her dh are due to babysit my 5 month old baby tonight. They have little/no childcare experience but are ttc so want some baby experience. They are in their 30s so not kids.

My daughter is the 'perfect baby' she usually sleeps all night, can be passed to anyone and just sits and smiles. She is the baby that makes you think being a mum is easy.

We arrived back from a few nights away yesterday and on that trip my dh decided to do a trip which included 6 hours driving therefore my daughter slept 6-8 hours during the day and hasn't slept all night since. It would be fair to say she has been very grumpy since.

It would also be fair to say I have been f*ing grumpy and pissed off since...

DH sleeps through DD screaming and our subsequent sleepless nights. Its 4.29am as I write this.

So my problems are 2 fold -

1. Aibu to not want to leave my baby with an inexperienced childminder, just because they want to?

2. Aibu to not want to leave my baby because my usually very calm and happy baby is now not going to sleep until midnight and waking during the night?

I know I wouldn't be able to relax. Also as she is breastfed it means I need to get up early to express milk for the forthcoming experiment.

DH keeps saying it'll be fine, just leave it etc etc which is why I haven't cancelled yet. DH also want to get pissed with an old friend of ours whom I haven't seen since before I was pregnant as he was an old drinking buddy. I don't really drink now so I don't see him.

That's it so thoughts please

xx

How could this be unreasonable - babies are not public property or learning aids or things you lend people.

You have an offer of a babysitter, but if you don't want to leave your baby of course you don't have to.

Some people seem to think it is compulsory to chuck your baby at anyone who will take them, to prove that you are not a mummy martyr, but it is being more of a martyr to do something that makes you unhappy and uncomfortable because your friends want to play families and your DH wants you to go with him to get pissed - you are just being a people pleasing martyr to other adults then and making yourself unhappy.

YANBU and you don't have to prove anything to anyone or let anyone "have a go with the baby" - just have a night in on your own with the baby and watch a film, if that's what you'd rather do - or let your couple-friends come over too and have dinner and listen to the baby fuss in the evening, but you don't have to go out without the baby if you don't fancy it.

I cancelled a night out when my brother & SIL were going to babysit because my DS was going through a really bad patch (potty training, finding it distressing and affecting everything about his behaviour) - and he's 3 and they've looked after him before! IMO Entirely reasonable to do similar for a baby with people who haven't looked after her before.

I did it partially because I thought DS needed just me or DH as he was having a distressing time & partially because I didn't think it was fair on brother & SIL as he was so hard to console if he got stressed at the time.

I know DD will be fine with my friend and her husband. We have been out 3 times in total before. Once when she was about 10 weeks when his DH's Mum and sister looked after her, once when she was 16 weeks and my neighbour/friend and once 2 weeks ago and again my neighbour/friend took her. My neighbour is only 22 but sees her most days and has a nephew a year older. We have nicknamed her aunty because other than DH and I, she is the only person my daughter sees regularly for long periods of time. We are never away for more than 2 hours and time wise never more than 5 mins from home.

My daughter was 4 weeks early so it was actually easier to leave her when she was younger as we started with regular bottles of expressed milk and then worked our way back to breastfeeding. DH used to give her a bottle of expressed milk at bed time but I stopped it because I think she took more comfort from breastfeeding. We only really achieved breast feeding at 4-6 weeks and now, although she will take a bottle, I only breastfeed her. I love breastfeeding her and I really feel I am missing something if I miss a feed.

Anyway...

DH came in this morning and when I told him she had been up twice more after 4.30am he said not to push myself but to wait until later to cancel in case I changed my mind. I think I will do that, my friend will understand she has been up more during the night and I am knackered. We also have a pub which is almost next door (2 doors down) so I could go there for an hour.

I'll let you know what I decide...

He's still thinking more about his night out than you.