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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be so tired of breastfeeding

46 replies

mia101982 · 03/02/2016 22:09

I have a 5 month old beautiful baby. Since she turned 3.5 months she has been waking every 2 hours from 11pm for feeds. I am exhausted as I have other young kids so can't nap etc. I decided about a month ago to introduce a bottle so dh could help at night but we have had no luck. She will just not take a bottle and have tried everything; EBM, formula, different teats etc etc. The only thing I haven't tried is leaving her get hungry so she may have no choice but to take it. I hate seeing her distressed and she gets so distressed when even out of my arms for a while so I know she would be bad. I have left the house for almost 3 hours while she was with dh but she just slept and waited until I got home to be fed. Has anyone actually gone Cold turkey and stayed away for a good few hours? Did baby take bottle? I fear the poor little mite will be emotionally scarred if I did that but I just have enough. I need a break. I cant keep going with 1 hour of broken sleep cycles every night. Help!

OP posts:

chumbler · 04/02/2016 16:13

My DDs sleep just improved by itself, I still breastfeed exclusively (with solids now she's 10 months). It's a common phase for sleep regression. Giving her a bottle is unlikely to help and it sounds like its pretty stressful for you and your baby trying to get them to take a bottle :( remember too that baby probably is feeding just for comfort now and again, and that there's nothing wrong with that. I think the more accepting you are that everything's fine, baby is growing well, happy, and you're doing a brilliant job breastfeeding, I think for me the less I tried to worry or change things the less stress I felt, just try to go with the flow, things will get better I promise. I really so strongly recommend the book, she has a Facebook page too and you can pay for private help from her, I found that just reading the book helped me feel so much better even without extra sleep for a while! Another thing you could try is having a lie in if someone can take baby for an hour or two in the morning? My baby is always happiest in the morning so you could try that. I hope you get some rest soon x

Original poster

mia101982 · 04/02/2016 16:25

I will look up at that book tonight thank you. Thank you for the reassurance too

OP posts:

pointythings · 04/02/2016 17:58

mia the period between 16 weeks and 6 months is just shit. They have so much going on with growth and development, they're revving up to start teething too, it's really, really hard.

I really wouldn't cut night feeds - if she is genuinely draining the boob, she's hungry - and they do get a lot of their milk at night, it's when milk production is at its best.

Mine were both total bottle refuseniks, even when I went back to work full time when they were 6 months (old gimmer, no long mat leave) and expressed, they would only take about 6 oz of expressed milk at nursery and then catch up on 'live boobs' when I was home.

From what you say about your LO's size and growth you are clearly producing enough milk.

Original poster

mia101982 · 04/02/2016 19:11

Thanks pointythings I have no doubt she is getting enough. She is growing in front of my eyes. I just can't keep up with the feeding but I feel I have no choice as she won't take a bottle for me.. I wish it was easier and I wasn't so sleep deprived or down over it all. But as lot of posters said, it should pass and will improve with solids, hopefully

OP posts:

pointythings · 04/02/2016 19:16

It is very, very hard when it's like this. for you and here's hoping more sleep comes your way soon.

My DDs took a bottle for no-one. Mind you, having tasted formula, I'm not surprised - it is disgusting.

NeedsAMousekatool · 04/02/2016 19:18

I think 5 months was the most miserable time with my DD. SHe refused bottles full stop but a few weeks later took to weaning really well and I think got used to ingesting things other than my milk, so not long later I went back to work and she was fine with sippy cups and solid food. But yeah at 5 months I went out to get my hair cut and coloured and came back to a livid screaming baby who was furious with DH for trying to give her a bottle and fucking furious with me for taking my boobs away, and I cried and cried and felt so trapped and useless. But it really did pass and that whole milk only phase feels like just the blink of an eye now.

There wasn't much useful in that post, just, I've been there! It sucks! But you'll get through it

Mistigri · 04/02/2016 19:27

My DS's sleep went downhill from about 3 until he was 10 months ... Eventually he ended up taking most of his milk at night not in the day. With the benefit of hindsight we probably should have done some gentle sleep training much earlier...

Its all very well saying "this will pass" ... It will, but possibly not before it seriously affects your mental and physical health. Try a sippy cup (neither of mine ever took a bottle but they were ok with sippy cups with the valve taken out), and consider the gentler forms of sleep training. Healthy 5 month olds really don't need feeding several times a night.

Original poster

mia101982 · 04/02/2016 20:00

I am looking forwarding to starting her on solids and realise she won't need as much milk during the day. However the thoughts of her then feeding throughout the night to make up for lost time during the day is just daunting. To the poster who commented on mental health, I do actually worry bout mine some days and am trying hard not to let it get to me. I hate the fact that I feel like this because I know breastfeeding is just fantastic amazing stuff but my head at this stage tells me other things. Oh maybe we will have a good night tonight & I will be more upbeat 2mr.

OP posts:

chumbler · 05/02/2016 06:09

Is there a reason why you express? I found it so freeing when I stopped bothering.

Not sure who said they make up for milk feeds in the night. It's not something I've encountered so won't necessarily be the case for you either. pointy is right, babies do still wake for hunger at this age (as indeed do adults!!!! Babies also wake for thirst which breast milk wjll quench, and for comfort if their sleep cycle is disturbed - you can help you baby with all of that, isn't that amazing!) If you think she wakes for other reasons though have you checked the basics - not too hot or cold, dark quiet room, nappy not soaking

I hope you've had a better night's sleep.please keep an eye on your well-being and speak to someone x

Original poster

mia101982 · 05/02/2016 07:32

Well our night was better & feel more rested. Just woke twice. I feel like a new woman. long may it last (not )

OP posts:

CalleighDoodle · 05/02/2016 07:46

I only expressed to keep
My boobs big! i would expeess for a few days in the evening leading up to going out then on that night i wouldnt and boom instant boob job.

CalleighDoodle · 05/02/2016 07:46

Glad last night was better

Writerwannabe83 · 05/02/2016 07:52

You have my sympathies. My EBF baby refused a bottle. I wasn't away from him for more than three hours until he was over 7 months old.

When he was 9 months old I was so desperate to just have some freedom, some time away, that I just went out one evening and left DH to it. I left at about 7pm and didn't come back until just gone midnight and DH told me everything had been fine. DS had, after lots of initial reluctance, taken some EBM from a bottle and then gone to bed with no issues.

I was gobsmacked and so relieved. That was the start of me getting my life back.

It all sounds very tiring for you OP but I'm glad things improved last night

bimandbam · 05/02/2016 07:54

It does get better I promise. I never found anything that helped ds sleep through until we moved house and he was in his own room. Is she in with you still? Ds was 12 months when we moved.

And he was awake 3-5 times a night from 4-8 months.

Is your dp/dh around? The only thing that helped me waa catching up on sleep at a weekend. So I had a long nap Saturday afternoon and a lie in Sunday.morning. it does pass but it seems like it won't at this age.

Original poster

mia101982 · 05/02/2016 08:46

Writerwannabe83 - am glad to hear of you experience. Light at the end of the tunnel so.

Bimandbam - yes she is still in our room and will be until she sleeps through. I do stay in bed on Sundays and let dh get on with it. Only way to function.

Think I deserve a glass of vino tonight when dd settles. Hope ye all ave lovely weekends and no doubt I will be back on again seeking more advice

OP posts:

Rinceoir · 05/02/2016 09:04

OP my DD wouldn't take a bottle either- not with EBM, not with formula (which we tried after 6months). She wouldn't have milk from a sippy cup. And when we started weaning she wouldn't eat. I shed many a year and wrote many a thread here about it. I went back to work full time when she was 10months and refusing everything but breastmilk from the source and water. And she was fine. She started to eat. Her sleep remained the same. I understand the feeling totally trapped and exhausted but it does pass, and if you need to go out for a few hours do- she will either take the bottle or wait for you. Lots of 5 month olds go all night without feeding so missing an evening feed won't harm her.

Rinceoir · 05/02/2016 09:04

She tears not years I am afraid!

waterrat · 05/02/2016 11:31

4 to 7 months is the worst ! I think they are growing so much and ready to start food but milk still their main source of nutrition.

If he will take even half an ounce from a bottle I would really just persevere. Keep giving a bottle just to hold and play with. My bottle refuser suddenly drank from one having refused for months...

Writerwannabe83 · 05/02/2016 12:04

OP - for what it's worth, my DS was in with me until he was 9 months old with my thought process being, he will stay in here until he sleeps through as I can't face getting up and down every night. However, when I eventually sought advice from a Sleep Consultant (DS had loads of sleep issues) she said the most important thing that must absolutely be done first is to put DS into his own room. She said that a lot of babies waking can be due to their sleep being disturbed by their parents noises and movement during the night. There were other aspects of her advice that contributes to addressing DS's sleep issues but I absolutely believe that putting him in his own room was a huge factor in improving his sleep.

I just thought it might be something to consider when your baby is old enough to be in its own room.

Original poster

mia101982 · 05/02/2016 12:12

Watera - she takes about an ounce at a go but doesn't actually suck it, it just kind of dribbles in while she is messing with it, so I will persevere

Writerwannabe83 - what you say is very true as once I moved my others kids as babies into their own rooms around 7 / 8 months, they started sleeping through. However they were so much better than dd before that stage even so will be keeping dd for another while anyhow

OP posts:

Artandco · 05/02/2016 12:21

Try a doddy cup. It's an open cup tilted so you can see what your tipping in so they don't get too much. Mine used it with our help from 4 ish months. Just put an ounce or two in at once and top up if they want more.

I would also feed more in the day. Every 3 hours isn't that much at 5 months as they will be hungry for lots more milk as bigger but not weaned. Try and always feed every 2 hrs during the day. It means they will be getting an extra few feeds in the day, so won't need to much overnight.

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