to have wanted DH to have not been so dismissive

[MoreSpudsPlease]

DSD had her 16th birthday party at our house. The rules were - no drugs, smoking or spirits, with DSD and her friends to help clear up. DH stayed in the house, I went away for the night with our toddler.

I come back the next day, everything's cleaned up (mostly by DH), DSD is cleaning up after one of her friends who was sick and also spilt beer on her sister's mattress (they aren't supposed to take food/drink upstairs but regularly do). I asked DH what the consequence was going to be for DSD (other than swapping mattresses with her sister and cleaning up), he said it's done, what else is he supposed to do.
A couple of days later I find a nos canister. I ask DH about it, he says yes, he found them doing nos in the house so shoo'ed them outside. He also caught someone drinking spirits, and that he closed the party down early (but 4 hrs after the nos and spirits discovery and only because of the noise). He doesn't think there is anything more to be said to DSD as 'no one died or ended up in hospital'. And 'yes, talk to DSD about the nos'. Er no, how about you do that? I know that Nos isn't the end of the world but AIBU to be cross with DH? It could have been the toddler that found the nos canister, and I doubt the other parents are so chilled about the nos/drinking. Am I just being a bit old and stuffy about this? I know kids push boundaries, I'm not surprised by their behaviour, but I expect DH to be less dismissive.

Isn't it the gas in gas and air that they give you in childbirth? Didn't realise it was used recreationally. I remember warnings about sniffing glue etc when I was a kid- is it the same sort of thing, eg using something freely commercially available to get high?

Why should DSD be punished for her friends actions or am I missing something?

There risk to the toddler with regard to the NO canister would have been a choking one, but so would beer bottle caps.

For a parent it sounds like a horrible party, to the teenagers it was probably great. There was an adult there at all times.

Vomit, spirits- fairly standard.. I wouldn't be too harsh on this.

Nos- unacceptable and frankly fucking dangerous. Your DH needs to give his head a wobble.

*Bedraggled

• m.talktofrank.com/drug/nitrous-oxide?detail=drug

Sounds as though he's being a bit dismissive, but it's possible that he's already had a serious chat with DSD who has realised that things got out of hand. He was there, so he presumably knows whether his daughter was defiantly breaking every boundary set for her or feeling utterly ill and awful after having a shit time. YANBU to be worried about the NO though.

Nitrous oxide is actually one of the safer recreational drugs.

Terribleknitter Yes it's the same gas they get you to huff on continuously for 8 hours while you're in labour.

The canisters themselves are dangerous though as people often use them recreationally but don't know how to open them safely. Without a proper instrument the canisters can explode or freeze burn.

NO gives you a high for about 30 seconds then it's back to normal, this isn't cocaine, heroine, speed, or god forbid, cannibis. It is a bit seedy and I wouldn't like my DS to get into it however I couldn't punishes him too badly for using a legal substance that wasn't dangerous for a quick high.

I'd be asking him why he did it though

16 and he saw drugs at the house and spirits? And did fuck all about It? Your dsd knew all these rules and did FA about it either?

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

Do the parents of the other children (because that is what they are) know about this?

I would go absolutely batshit if I found this crap out.

Your "h" is not a proper or fit parent.

He wants to be a cool parent more than he wants to be a good parent.

Pitiful.

It can be dangerous Furiosa, especially when mixed with booze. The stuff they give you in labour is 50/50 NO and Oxygen. What these kids were taking was pure NO.

No, it's not excessively dangerous compared to a lot of other stuff, but it isn't totally risk free either.

The stuff they give you during labour made me feel shit enough - totally spaced out and sick. I wouldn't want to try the type these kids were doing.

"The number of laughing gas deaths is fewer than those killed each year by helium"

Best stop everyone from pissing about with balloons too then ..

At your DSD's age I would have been mortified to have had one or both parents at my party.
It seems to be a common thread today...a total lack of boundaries and communication between parents and children or anyone else for that matter. Some parents are so ridiculously blasé about their children's bad behaviour, choosing to dismiss it as " just something young people do", because they don't have the backbone to put them in their place.

I'd never heard of NOS until now.

Drinking Concord wine was as bad as it got for me at 16. Actually, there were a few hard core kids who had dabbled in glue sniffing. The 'Just Say No' campaign with the Grange Hill kids was running but I never knew anyone in my school who had ever done drugs or substances. I have lived a sheltered life!

All the more reason to educate yourself now then!

I'd never heard of nos until recently when the school sent a letter out to all parents warning that some pupils had been found using it.

I've had a bit of time to reflect. Thanks for all your replies. Missy, it could be that DH has already had words with DSD, we haven't had much chance to talk about it but I appreciate it's a tricky balance between discipline and being overbearing with teenagers.

I'm pretty sure DSD won't tell us who brought the nos, so there's little chance of weeding out the main culprit unfortunately.
Will talk to DH about it again.

"Your DH needs to give his head a wobble." That has made me laugh so hard!! I'll have to wobble it for him if he thinks that's the end of the nos episode.

We used to call nos "hippy crack", overall I think it is less dangerous than alcohol, but that's not the point, you said no drugs, there were drugs and your DH did not do anything.
I wouldn't let them have any more parties if they can't follow the rules.