That this debate STILL rages on!

[breezydoesit]

Uhhhhhhhhhh! Watching this morning and they're discussing sahm vs working mums. Hasn't this been done to bloody death!?? And yes I realise I'm falling into the trap by writing it on here and fuelling it further. Can't we all just accept another woman's choices and say "well done...I'm glad you're happy" constant snarking and shite that ones better than the other.

I work full time with an 18 month old and DH works away frequently. It's a slog and my god I really envy sahm mums but then other times I like the break work gives me.

That's me though. I can only speak for myself. If I meet a sahm mum then I support her choices too.

I'm so tired of this shite that we're all meant to fall for that one is better than the other.

Btw, said 18 month old is unwell so I'm watching This drivel.

But it isn't emotive at all, for most people. The vast majority are just getting on with their lives, not having emotive discussions about which is better and why. A tiny, but very vocal and emotive minority make a lot of noise about it, and pretend that we are all having an argument.

We're not. The battles about women being pushed aside in the work place or undervalued in the home and so on are separate and far more important than this us vs them nonsense, which is nothing but a smokescreen that hides the real issues.

I agree OP, its horrid and encourages women to judge each other too. Women can do not right in this society. This thread caught my eye but generally I hide SAHM vs WOHM threads as I find them entirely ridiculous

*no right

I'm a working mum and I travel for work. DH is a stay a home dad. The amount of people who I meet who can't cope with this arrangement is silly. People want to know how I can bear to be away, what happens if they are ill, etc. But not one of my male colleagues who have kids and exactly the same working pattern get asked a thing. (And we won't talk about the idiots who assume that I must be a divorcee because no marriage can work like this...)

Since I've had children I've;

Worked full time with a severely disabled baby
Worked pt with dev disabled toddler and baby
Worked pt with sev disabled primary school child and pre school child and I did a degree
All of the above sentence but whilst pregnant
All of the sentence above the abovr sentence
Worked full time whilst all at school
Worked part time whilst all at school
Atm I'm at home being a carer first and foremost, but a sahp at the same time
I'm looking for a job though but I'm also employed in a marketing capacity for a small firm

Do I get a fucking medal? No I bloody don't and I don't think I need one, I don't think anyone needs one. People do what they have to do, all of it is setting an example to your children, whatever you bloody do.
Women need to stop judging one another imo. Live and let live, look after yourselves and your families and just take no notice what anyone else thinks. You're all doing a good job

I don't think anybody cares what others are doing. Unless some base isn't covered and it's imposing on them.

I think it's more about willingness and energy rather than no of hours worked.

People are sometimes sensitive about their choices I find though. I don't think these media things help.

I don't feel bad for working part-time. I found my dc rather ungrateful for my efforts whilst I was a SAHM. I only know two SAHM now my youngest is 10. Most people I know do some work, even if it's only a few hours a week.

It's a non issue really. Most people don't have a choice.

Well I disagree, I do think other women care about what other women are doing. I've been on the receiving end of lots of negative comments off other women due to my working patterns or none working patterns. My husband has been on the receiving end of none. I'm sure he'd have been ecstatic if he took on a part time job and it was described by another bloke as a pin money job, for example.

I'm fairly sure most of the hostility and arguments stem from that fact that the grass is always greener and you can't have both.

SAHMs may wish they could go out to work and have adult conversations and not be pestered by toddlers every five minutes. They may also feel guilty because they're not setting a good example to their kids and not making a financial contribution.

WOHMs may wish that they could stay at home in pyjamas and do messy craft with the kids sometimes, rather than miss out on family life. They may feel guilty because they don't see their kids often enough and are neglecting them.

None of the viewpoints above are mine, but I have seen them wheeled out on this kind of thing before. I don't believe WOHMs are neglecting their kids anymore than I believe SAHMs are lazy and avoiding "real work".

As long as you're happy and you have a system that works for both you and your partner / husband, then it's no-one else's business how you run your family.

No one ever asked who looked after his baby all day, who picked them up for school and whether he felt guilty either, then embellished with a story about their own mother, mothering, wife etc. Then the opposite of that is people assuming you do nothing all day. It's all aimed at women, there are no two ways about it, but the sad matter of fact is its mainly women aiming it at other women.

I generally don't comment but I watched this morning too and I don't usually. But I got the rage.

Anyway, I have to walk my dogs before the kids get home from school :o

Four kids, eldest is 23, youngest is just 2.

In all my time as a parent i've never met anyone IRL who gives a shiney shite about who's at home and who's working.

Those who work just get on with it and those at home just get on with it.

Everyone is intelligent enough to know there's pro's and con's to both sides and you just get on with the choice you've made. (Or the situation you're stuck with). It's no one else's beeswax :)

I agree op, and it's all so laden with guilt. If you work, you're told your childcare arrangements will have a developmental/ behavioural impact on your child. If you stay at home you're told your child won't be as well socialised or intelligent. It's bloody awful and no doubt contributed to the period of depression I suffered upon returning to work after mat leave. I felt torn in two most days.

I sometimes envy my sahm dsis. Then I spend half term with my 5yo ds and look forward to returning to work for a break! Hats off to mums everywhere.

Can't we all just accept another woman's choices and say "well done...I'm glad you're happy"

If that could apply to every interaction between humans, I reckon 98%* of hostility in the world would disappear.

*Made up figure

I think some of you just know nosy, irritating people. They are your actual problem. And sometimes people imagine judgement that isn't there, taking innocent small talk far too seriously.
Like others, IRL nobody has ever judged me. Or if they have I have never noticed, and if I did notice I wouldn't care.

I am PTWM now, used to be both WOHM and SAHM.i am originally from the country where SAHM's did not exist, everyone was supposed to work, kids or no kids. I had a bad asthma as a child and could not attend full -time kindergarten, so I was shipped off to another town to live with my maternal grandmother till I was...12. Never really been close to my parents as a result.

I'm sitting here wearing my son's fireman Sam helmet while I find the dial in details for a conference call I need to be on at 3 and my DS who is choked with the cold will be entertained thoroughly by said fireman. It's a balancing act and I never know if I'm doing the right thing. Having a serious discussion all the while they don't know I'm in my nightie wearing a fireman's helmet is making me lol though

We all get there in the end though, don't we?

Totally agree with you OP. Now I am a parent it amazes me how much opinion and advice there is on every single thing!!!!

Most people would not choose to be away from kids 5 days out of 7, those that do it's usually either because of the financial implications of being a PT / WAH or SAH parent or it's because they bloody love their jobs and have great careers they don't want to give up.

Either way what ever you choose for your family whose business is it!!

ladylou bloody awful isn't it?

I wanted to work PT but my employer refused (total knobs) and I wasn't willing to take the shite job they offered me or give up the career I've worked hard to accomplish.

Whose business is it? - you are right but the problem is that some other mothers feel they are entitled to comment.

I wanted to work part time too. I've come to the conclusion that I've worked hard all my life. I've now managed to get a part time job outside the home, post disabled child and I love it. But I want more, but feel too old now I'm mid fifties. Good luck to all parents in this dilemma.

I was once asked in all seriousness why I was a SAHM as surely I'd just be bored!
As if I get the time to be bored.
I don't judge other women for going back to work. I went back on reduced hours after my first child and absolutely hated it, quitting entirely after my 2nd. Had I ever really enjoyed my job I might have felt differently but the fact my Mum could no longer provide childcare for me and nursery fees being well over what I could possibly earn actually came as something as a relief to me!
Some people might think that's a bit of a cop out on my part, but I don't care. For my family, this is what works best. Another family, in different circumstances may want or need to do things differently. So what? It's all just yet another way to make women feel bad about themselves.