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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this very uncomfortable?

80 replies

Oldisthenewblack · 01/02/2016 15:31

I visit a local cafe regularly (almost every day!) and this has happened a few times now and it really annoys me, but I'm preparing to be flamed as a cold hearted, uncaring individual.

A man comes in and visits almost every table, placing a key ring and a note. The note says something to the effect of "I am deaf, I make these key rings, please buy one - £2.50".

Now, obviously I have no issue with this man attempting to sell his wares - good for him, in fact. But I come into this cafe to relax (spend ages on mumsnet...) and find this a bit off putting. He just speeds through, placing the items, and then a while later comes back and collects them. So, for a while they are just sitting there staring at me and I have no choice in the matter.

As I said, I am preparing for a flaming, but please don't think I'm hard hearted puts on hard hat. How would you feel - am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Janeymoo50 · 01/02/2016 18:24

I think it probably annoys you more because it's "regular" for you and i understand that. £2.50 is a bit steep though!!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 01/02/2016 18:32

Move away from the 'deaf' issue. It's irrelevant to my point. Yes ,it's illegal selling but these types of seller are not pushing crack. My dislike is the judgemental, superior and ill informed comments aimed at them. Jobs are not readily available to all and neither are benefits. I hate the 'get off your arse and get a job 'attitude.

toffeeboffin · 01/02/2016 18:42

Can you mention it to the cafe? or change cafes

toffeeboffin · 01/02/2016 18:47

Or instead, write a little card that says' I do not want to buy a key ring EVER' and whip it out next time he approaches.

You really don't need this - you do not pay to be harassed. You pay for a pleasant environment.

IlPorcupinoNilSodomyEst · 01/02/2016 18:50

Please be careful of the ex-prisoners selling door to door, it's a scam warned about by our local police force - they take addresses of people who have a stash of money in the house (do you disappear for a couple of minutes and come back with a non-crinkled £10 note), and pass it on to ringleaders who will visit your house at another time to find your stash. Particularly for older people who might have a few hundred stashed away.

littledrummergirl · 01/02/2016 18:54

Take in an air hooter and set it off behind his back. If he jumps you know it's a scam, if not you are condemned to buy a key ring a day for eternity. Grin

Chottie · 01/02/2016 18:59

We had a man who claimed to be deaf selling things down the close where I live. My neighbour can sign BSL and she started signing to the man. He got really annoyed and said rather crossly, that he didn't do that type of signing.

Cloppysow · 01/02/2016 19:03

Well i'm making the wanker gesture.

Popeyethenailor · 01/02/2016 19:03

YANBU, I'm an introvert and I don't want to be forced to interact when I don't want to. The suspense of having the keyring sitting there and not being able to relax until he comes back before I do the "no thank you" thing, is just not what you would want to do to relax.

Pipistrella · 01/02/2016 19:18

Are they crap key rings? If they are nice then I'd buy one, make sure he knew I had, then hope he didn't bother me again.

Alternative is to go round after him and steal them all Grin

(joke)

(unfunny)

LauraMipsum · 01/02/2016 20:25

Chottie that's not entirely unbelievable - as late as the 60s and 70s, deaf children were not taught to sign but instead taught lip reading and speech, an approach known as "oralism." The idea was that they would do better to try to fit into a hearing world than to learn sign language. It worked okay for some and really, really badly for others - I knew a guy through work who had been taught under that method and he had one recognisable word - "fuck" - and could sort-of sign as he'd tried to teach himself as an adult, but his signing wasn't always intelligible to other deaf people.

So yeah, deaf people who can't sign aren't necessarily swinging the lead.

wickedlazy · 01/02/2016 20:34

"Lucky-lucky men with their watches and glasses"

We call them looky looky men Grin

ABetaDad1 · 01/02/2016 20:37

We get the doorstep cleaning product sellers. They always say they are ex offenders. I know they are dropped off at the end of the street in a van. They work our area as the houses are expensive. My neighbour bought some stuff at twice the price in the supermarket.

I always say I buy my cleaning and kitchen stuff online and they wont be able to beat that price so no thank you.

We also get door to door charity collectors as well. Usually students on a commission for well known national charities. Again we are targeted because houses are expensive so they think people will hand over lots of money. I say no to tem as well.

Really I am sick and tired of 'charidee' its an industry.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 01/02/2016 20:51

I'd just buy it once, even if he isn't deaf he's still making an effort to make money. Then when he comes round you can smile and show him the keyring on your keys and hopefully that will be the end of it.

Original poster
Oldisthenewblack · 01/02/2016 21:27

I'll try to get him as soon as he places it there next time, but today I was concentrating on something and before I looked up, he was gone! But yes, it's hard to relax when it's just sitting there. Popeye - I'm an introvert too and I don't like having to interact when I hadn't planned to. I suffer from anxiety and get nervous very easily. I go to this cafe regularly because I am familiar with the surroundings and that's good for me.

I didn't look at the key rings properly as I was irritated by the fact that it was there!

OP posts:
leelu66 · 01/02/2016 22:20

My point was - I was happy to give him something I had on my, but was not able to purchase anything specifically FOR him. I would have felt then that he wasn't truly hungry and embarrassed about offering something homemade.

Why not ask him what he wanted to eat and buy it for him?

It's fair enough if you don't want to encourage begging and prefer to donate to charities but your given reasons don't make any sense. You had nothing to offer, you didn't feel he was truly hungry etc.

Original poster
Oldisthenewblack · 01/02/2016 22:30

At £4 for a sandwich, I'm certainly not going to buy him something!!

OP posts:
leelu66 · 01/02/2016 22:37

You said you felt 'particularly dreadful' because he asked you to buy him something to eat. If you were certain you were't going to buy him something, then why did you feel dreadful?

Did you resent the reminder that not everybody can afford food? Hmm

Epilepsyhelp · 01/02/2016 22:50

leelu I would have thought it's bloody obvious she couldn't afford to buy him anything. Why so rude?

ForeverLivingMyArse · 01/02/2016 22:59

ABetaDad

Do you live in an expensive house? It's just, you know, you didn't make it clear.

MorrisZapp · 01/02/2016 23:08

My gran used to get her Christmas cards 'from the deaf and dumb'.

ouryve · 01/02/2016 23:15

Nothing to do with a race to the bottom, ffs
www.northyorkshire.police.uk/13733

alice298 · 01/02/2016 23:18

Wow. I am profoundly deaf and don't feel the urge to sell key rings...! I agree, get a proper job.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 01/02/2016 23:21

We have them all the time in the trains in France. No, they are not deaf, yes, they sell crap things, no, you do not need to buy anything.
Just ignore him and his tat, and keep an eye on your phone and bag.

leelu66 · 01/02/2016 23:24

I did say it's fair enough that OP chooses not to buy him something (no one should feel they have to). I didn't (and still don't) understand all the reasons fully (such as him not being truly hungry etc). And how this can be annoying but also dreadful. But I apologise if I sounded harsh. I think I would have given him a £1 to get a bite somewhere at least. But maybe you had to be there, it's difficult if you haven't seen what happened.