to ask what's on p78?

[WhatAPigsEar]

Of the Karma Sutra? As per the radio advert for a gym.
Is it something I should know?

I have no idea. What's the advert say?

The gf leave a copy of the Karma Sutra next to the bed marked at p78. Bloke finds it and collapses on seeing p78??

The X-Rated
He lies face up on the bed, she turns around and straddles him — so her back is toward him — she then lowers herself onto him. She extends her legs back toward his shoulders, relaxing her torso onto the bed between his feet. With both her legs and his forming an X-shape, she starts to slide up and down. Pornographic. apparently!

Ooh Step I'm enlightend now. Thanks. Wait til dh gets home

A kind of X marks the spot then. My dh can go and fook if he thinks I'm getting anywhere near his hairy hobbit feet which is roughly where my head would be if I tried that little number.
What does pg79 say?

Fizz hadn't thought about the hobbit feet

at the hobbit feet, in the full disclosure required I googled it I honestly don't have a copy on my coffee table for MN reference

P 79 .....
The Shoulder Stand
Start the Shoulder Stand sex position with her lying flat on the ground face up. She uses her hands to support her lower back and lifts her legs and backside way, way up until she's in a shoulder stand position. The man kneels before her, grabbing her ankles and bringing his knees to her shoulders. He holds her hips and she holds his hands to stabilise. She holds his thighs for leverage and adjusts the angle of penetration. With this position it's best to go slow.

ooh err sounds tricky... enjoy!

Sounds more than tricky, sounds like a guaranteed (embarrassing ) trip to a&e

So she is face down with head between between his feet?

Dawn, I might give it a go, but I'd have to be fully dressed as anything else would be too horrific to contemplate!

I can't even envisage how p 79 actually works, whats wrong with a safe old missionary i ask

Sorry so late back, but honestly I'm glad I didn't rush. Let's break pg79 down.
I lie on my back raise my arse, hips and legs. Resting on my shoulders and balancing on my hands. Whereupon I spread my thighs to allow dh to come at me from above?
I foresee some issues. Tummy and boobs squashed onto to the shoulders means three things. Pain from sitting on your shoulders, thus affecting your ability to MN and eat and things.
One massive double chin that will slowly suffocate you because your boobs and tummy have slipped into your neck.
A big unattractive purple head with bulbous eyes caused by the aforementioned suffocation.

Spreading the thighs at such an angle also risks a gas evacuation, that you have no chance of containing because you can't suffocate, sit on your shoulders and clench your buttocks all at the same (scientifically proven ... I think). In short this should come with a government health warning of death and embarrassment, have a biscuit instead.
NEXT!!

Like an awful lot of the Karma Sutra, it sounds exhausting. And, when being mastered by Mr and Mrs Average, not very pretty!

www.sex.sofeminine.co.uk/relationships/album856252/sex-positions-kamasutra-sex-positions-21211671.html#p1

All 100 positions, tastefully illustrated.

I can't see the pictures . That's probably a good thing I'd only feel all inadequate

I am soooo not showing these to DH,

Frizzcat you should be writing your own version of the Kama sutra. 'The Kama Sutra for normal people: How that shit really happens'

Reminds me of 'position of the fortnight' in a magazine whose name escapes me.

They had one called the wheelbarrow once. It was based on the wheelbarrow races you see at primary school sports days.

And, I believe, not technically possible unless s your partner has a thirty nine inch penis

Oh that sounds fun but in reality I'm sure it would be shite.

pmsl @Frizzcat

at 'thirty nine inch penis'...

The magazine with position of the fortnight was more!

Ah yes, more...full of handy hints like 'try humming the national anthem whilst going down on him...the vibrations will drive him wild!'

In reality, blokes would be a bit if you suddenly started humming God save the queen in the middle of proceedings, in my experience.

Nobody's that much of a royalist are they?

In the same vein of those ridiculous dice with an action on one dice and a body parton the other which never seemed to match up. Licking someone's elbow is awkward and not erotic.

I remember "More" with their position of the fortnight and their handy hints. I couldn't do the national anthem one whilst giving dh a blowjob as I don't know the words, it's very disrespectful to embark on such a task and not pay proper homage to the Queen.

I was one of those idiots who thought all those positions were real and everyone else was doing it and I was doing it wrong. It took a long time, last week in fact before I realised that hanging off a coat hanger with your leg around your head was simply wrong.

If I were to write the Kama sutra for normal people it would consist of the following:
Missionary
Doggy style (allowing for cushioning of the knees)
On top - special occasions and most likely after a few sherbets. (I don't know about anyone else but I always feel like a bit of a whassack bouncing myself and my love handle/tyres around the place. I have vague drunken and hazy memories of trying to shake my hair back in a natural yet sexy and alluring way but basically just flicking it into my own face and spitting it out again. I also don't get that lovely blush on my cheeks, I go bright red it's just not very inspiring.)

The End. (Although open to amendments and suggestions)