My mum has smoked since she was 13 and she's 65 now. She is a very heavy smoker so her habit has cost thousands which she can't afford and had a serious impact on her health. She was diagnosed with COPD two years ago, has recurrent chest infections and is on inhalers for breathlessness. She has had a kidney transplant too so her immune system is weaker anyway and she catches every cold and bug - always going straight to her chest.
She was seriously ill and could barely breathe over Christmas 2014 resulting in an ambulance ride to hospital. She didn't smoke for two weeks and was determined to stop. But it didn't last, despite encouragement and praise and support from me, my brother and the NHS. First it was just one a day. Then two. Then back smoking in the bathroom. Then in the car. All the goals she set herself got disregarded as she crept back up to her usual level.
We had an argument two days after I gave birth to my third child in April 2015 because tiptoeing around the issue wasn't working and I was desperate for her to see that she was killing herself. She had almost died at Christmas and if she carried on the next infection could be the final one. It broke my heart that she didn't care about herself enough to stop. I tried to make her see that her children and grandchildren loved her and wanted her around. But smoking was more important and she didn't speak to me for five weeks after.
I was later diagnosed with post-natal depression and things have been very, very tough in all areas of my life. I spent lots of anxious nights worrying about my mother feeling everything from sympathy to sadness to anger to despair. It is hard to accept that someone throws money and their health away on something so unnecessary. For a long time I built a wall to protect me. I felt she loved smoking more than her family. She didn't even accept the link between smoking and cot death which made me feel like I was making it up to stop her smoking. Ultimately I had to learn to accept it or lose my relationship with her.
So imagine my surprise when four weeks ago she told me she had given up because the latest illness (causing bad breathlessness) had really scared her. She had been prescribed patches by a nurse at her GP's and was doing well. I was so proud of her, she seemed so determined this time. The patches were great and she was using the e-cig I had bought her last year. I was anxious about asking how she was getting on but she seemed to be doing really well. Her attitude was so positive. It seemed different this time.
But now it's creeping up again. The promises she made herself such as 'I definitely won't buy anymore' are being overturned. It was one every few days - now she's smoking three a day. It's the slippery slope I recognise from last time.
She has great support from the NHS and encouragement from her family. She's thrilled about the money she has saved in just a month. She has already said she is able to walk up the stairs without getting out of breath which she is delighted by and her latest cold didn't go to her chest for the first time. Her skin and eyes look clearer and she doesn't stink of fags! My brother needs a kidney transplant next year and I'm struggling with depression etc and she desperately wants to support us both. She ADORES her three grandsons and has a brilliant, close and loving relationship with each of them. So why can't she stop smoking?
I know it is extremely addictive, I know it is her crutch, I know it's been 52 years. But it is killing her and sucking the remaining money she has away. What will make her keep going with the patches / ecigs, stop smoking those final few cigarettes and give up for good? How can I help her, what can I say?
This is soooo long and I guess too long for most. Perhaps it will resonate with someone who can advise me. If not it's been cathartic to write down!