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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucked off

47 replies

MariposaVolando · 01/02/2016 11:37

A close relative is currently job-hunting. She is working and earning money right now but is looking to get a better job more in line with her experience and qualifications.

I have a job, but it all depends on my degree results in a few months time. I am predicted good marks but there are a couple of iffy modules even though I've had straight 2.1s/firsts along the way (which I'm hoping will bring me up). There have been some hiccups along the way though and I'm finishing my degree later than planned so it's all a bit stressful for me right now. FWIW she was absolutely tearing her hair out during her own finals (very competitive uni).

She has taken to calling me a "failure" Hmm every time she is annoyed with me about something or not feeling good in herself.

AIBU to be a bit fucked off?!?! She would have slaughtered me if I had made similar comments when she was still studying. It's really pissing me off, it's not true and makes me doubt myself. I am not a failure, and will not fail any of my exams; I want to get 2.1s in as many of them I can. There is a half module where I'm sailing close to the wind (long story) but I'm trying hard with it, and even if I got 40, the pass mark, if the rest go ok, I should still be able to get a middling 2.1 overall.

OP posts:
Original poster
MariposaVolando · 01/02/2016 15:51

I don't live with her per se but at the moment we have been put together for a short while due to family circumstances.

In fairness to her, I have been known to give back as good as I get. What annoys me though as childish as this sounds is that she always, always "starts" it. So I'll make an ambiguous comment or she'll be annoyed with me for some reason and BAM! the comments about me being a failure/failing my degree rears its head again. She just has to keep picking at it.

It's so ironic. When I received my GCSE results at school, I opened them before hers, I was thrilled, and she burst into tears as she thought I had done better than her! Same as with uni essays last year - I got 69% in one that I'd actually thought I'd failed so huge huge relief and she burst into tears as she was so worried about her upcoming exams.

OP posts:
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 01/02/2016 15:51

What do your parents say about this atrocious behaviour?

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 01/02/2016 15:52

Are you twins?

Original poster
MariposaVolando · 01/02/2016 15:53

Um no we're not, she's a year older than me.

I don't live with my parents gaspode!

OP posts:
Original poster
MariposaVolando · 01/02/2016 15:54

We are living as flatmates in a cousin's place right now

OP posts:
Owllady · 01/02/2016 15:55

I'd take no notice. She sounds immature Flowers but of course you aren't a failure!
Are you the same age/twins?

Original poster
MariposaVolando · 01/02/2016 15:55

We're very close in age Owllady, same school year but not twins

OP posts:
Gatehouse77 · 01/02/2016 15:58

As hard as it is you need to filter out all her noise (spitefulness) and only let the positive ones in.

She sounds like a jealous cow who is using you to inflate her own ego.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 01/02/2016 16:05

Even though you don't live with your parents, I just wondered what they thought about this spitefulness. Did they ever attempt to deal with it when you were growing up? Is she a golden child?

Original poster
MariposaVolando · 01/02/2016 16:07

No, she's not a golden child. They see it very much as half and half I think, and try not to get involved. Equally I think they can appreciate she does have a malicious streak to her though - but what can they do about it?

I am by no means perfect but I'm not horrible for the sake of being horrible...

OP posts:
3WiseWomen · 01/02/2016 16:08

She is jealous.
I would pity her more than anything else. Oh and avoid her until you have finished your exams!

expatinscotland · 01/02/2016 16:17

Just tell her to fuck off.

trulybadlydeeply · 01/02/2016 16:22

Just don't react. Ever. Just walk away, or completely change the subject. She's doing it to get a reaction, and to wind you up.

Concentrate on your life and your studies, and don't dignify her childishness with a response.

LovelyFriend · 01/02/2016 16:24

tell her to fuck off.

and stop spending your time with this boring jealous hater.

juliej75 · 01/02/2016 16:31

She is desperately insecure. I had very similar as a child although my DSis was a lot more subtle about it. She was always "embarrassed" by me or very sneery about my lack of friends, so that I felt I wasn't a very nice person, a bit socially inept and very unattractive. Looking back, none of these things were remotely true but it affected me hugely.

Don't let your DSis's comments affect your self-esteem. You know they're not true and, in fact, she's just revealing herself to be very sad and jealous. Definitely some pity required, but only once you're done with your exams. No need to give her any headspace right now.

And congratulations on your job. I'm sure you'll do just fine in the exams and can be v proud of yourself!

PastaLaFeasta · 01/02/2016 16:41

I don't understand how she can say thinks that are completely and factually untrue - you are well on track for a 2.1, I wasn't doing so well before my finals but managed a 2.1 at an RG uni so you'll breeze it and don't let her make you feel otherwise. I'd never have spoken to my sister like this and she went to an ex poly and got a 2.2, it was a fab achievement in a completely different subject area, she's actually working in this field finally and that's amazing. I'm the academic one who is now a SAHM trying not to feel like a failure and hoping to start a whole new career soon.

I really hope you get your grades and start your job, getting an offer before graduating is a big deal so you are far from a failure. Do move away ASAP as you don't need anyone dragging you down. And if you can get a bit of counselling through uni it may help you figure things out and have a fresh start. Enjoy as it sounds very exciting.

stumblymonkey · 01/02/2016 17:17

I'm afraid your darling sister has some serious character flaws. If she's ever going to be successful herself she'll be lucky carrying around what appears to be either (a) a big fuck off chip on her shoulder or (b) a massive fucking ego.

Either way...I agree with previous posters...I would tell her to fuck off and mind her own business.

StDogolphin · 01/02/2016 17:33

Now you are both older it may be time for a different approach. Maybe switch your responses round so they don't follow any predictable pattern? Tell her how proud you are of her as well.

Jelliebabe1 · 01/02/2016 18:22

Just say "cock off bitch features". And smile sweetly!

leelu66 · 01/02/2016 18:24

same school year but not twins

Ooh that may be it. You're younger but achieving the same things as her (and will be earning more).

ImperialBlether · 01/02/2016 18:30

She sounds as though she's got some sort of personality disorder. How can she say she's earning more than you'll ever earn when you earn more than she does?

Are you going to be working in the same field?

AyeAmarok · 01/02/2016 18:44

She's very insecure. Rise above it.

You never know with your degree, you might do a lot better than you think. In final year you tend to do a lot better than the year before because you're just better at coursework/dissertation/exams as you are a year older and have more experience.

I'm sure you'll get at least a 2:1. Best of luck!

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