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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To do nothing all day

73 replies

Oysterbabe · 01/02/2016 09:46

My baby is just over 4 weeks old and I'm on maternity leave. We've had visitors all weekend, three different sets, and the kitchen is a disaster area with pretty much every plate and pan dirty.

My baby does not sleep at night yet and had a particularly bad night last night, I think I got about 2 hours of broken sleep. Maybe she was unsettled after being passed around all day, I barely got to hold her.

WIBU to not clean the kitchen and spend the day on the sofa cuddling my baby, napping and watching Netflix? I do see the housework as my job while I'm on maternity leave and will feel bad if DH comes home to a tip but I just can't bring myself to move. Plus DD will cry if I try and put her down to clean. If I leave it for today I'd do it tonight once DH gets home and takes over with the baby. He wouldn't say anything but can imagine he'd be a bit at me doing nothing all day.

OP posts:

HellonHeels · 02/02/2016 14:42

Bollocks to the housework.

BUT didn't any of your many visitors help out with washing up, cleaning etc after enjoying your hospitality? That is a bit out of order when visiting a new mother. If anyone offers next time, take them up on it.

nephrofox · 02/02/2016 14:45

You need to read the book "what mothers do (even when it looks like nothing) "

PurpleTreeFrog · 02/02/2016 14:51

didn't any of your many visitors help out with washing up, cleaning etc after enjoying your hospitality?

Mine never did! I think its partially ignorance, and partially British reservedness. People feel uncomfortable 'making themselves at home' by diving in and doing your washing up. They do occasionally offer, but of course it doesn't come naturally to most mums to say "yes please, I would love that", because usually you assume they're offering as a token politeness, not expecting you to really take you up on it.

I get the impression that in other cultures where there is more of a closer extended family, a new mother's friends and family will just roll up their sleeves and get stuck in straight away with the housework.

kaitlinktm · 02/02/2016 15:20

British or not, I am a bit and at visitors leaving the OP with a new baby and not helping to tidy the kitchen before they left.

Look after yourself OP (and baby) - no other bugger will!

DoreenLethal · 02/02/2016 15:28

It's not housework leave - it's maternity leave. It's your job to look after your baby!

If husband/'s family/friends helped make the mess; then surely he is just as liable for the clear up as you are?

AcrossthePond55 · 02/02/2016 15:43

"Cooking and cleaning can wait 'til tomorrow,
For babies grow up, we have learnt to our sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep"

Just to be on the 'safe side', call your DH and tell him you've hit the wall and that you're taking a 'down day'. Ask him to bring home a takeaway and that the three of you will have a snuggle on the sofa & watch a movie together this evening. It'll be good for all three of you.

akated · 02/02/2016 15:52

Agree with the others back on the sofa and baby cuddles you must be knackered running around all weekend just do a small bit each day - these early days pass so quickly take time to enjoy them the house will be clean again one day and that day doesn't have to be today!
I am still doing that now and mine is 10 wks but as I also have a 3 & 5 year old so think I can get away with it! 😁

ElleGrace · 02/02/2016 15:54

Enjoy it whilst she's young enough that you get to choose what's on Netflix

Error404usernamenotfound · 02/02/2016 15:55

If you have a choice between taking a nap (or just resting), and doing housework, have a rest. You have a newborn who is being kept alive with your body, and you are severely sleep-deprived. The housework will wait. Do not assume that just because you are home all day that it automatically becomes 'your job' to do all the housework. Your DH may work full time but that is only likely to be around 8 hours a day, five days a week, with regular breaks. You are on-call 24/7 with no respite. Do bits of housework as and when you feel able, but not today as you are shattered. Enjoy Netflix, and spending time with your squishy baby!

Want2bSupermum · 02/02/2016 16:03

Don't get the two roles confused. Housework and motherhood are two different tasks. Only you can do motherhood. Anyone can do the housework.

Go and have your newborn snuggles and rest. You job is to care for your child. If you can make it to the kitchen great, if not, your OH can do it when they get home. Do not create a rod for your own back by doing all the housework on your leave. Start as you mean to go on.

LookAtAllThesePhucksIGive · 02/02/2016 16:06

I'm currently doing that but instead of baby snuggles its with sciatica. The house is a tip.

shutupandshop · 02/02/2016 16:08

Op you should defintley have a duvet day. Also you are doing a very important job. Your baby.

Polska03 · 02/02/2016 16:51

I had the exact same thoughts and feelings of guilt when my DS was a newborn (He is now 8 months) I wish I hadn't wasted so much energy thinking about all the housework that needed done and just enjoyed sitting cuddling with my boy (For the first 3 months he wanted to be held all day, even when sleeping) now he won't sleep on me and is a wriggle bum. Enjoy your baby. Screw the housework. They are only little for such a short time

divafever99 · 02/02/2016 19:28

I hope you had a lovely afternoon cuddling your baby. I had the same worries with dd 1. I later regretted trying to keep up with everything as it was before dd was born. There will always be dishes, dust and housework, your baby will not be little and snuggly for long. Relax and enjoy it. Last year with dd2 I had an emergency section so couldn't drive for 6 weeks. I spent the whole time snuggling and feeding her on the sofa watching box sets, it was wonderful!

NattyNatural · 03/02/2016 12:19

First of all op you are not doing nothing, you are looking after your baby.

You also said you have had quite a few visitors, why have they not helped you and done the washing up for you?

timescrossword · 04/02/2016 18:29

Glad these posts are all so supportive. Parenting a baby is a full time job. Housework is separate. OH needs to roll his sleeves up when he gets home.

AnotherNc · 04/02/2016 18:55

Nothing wrong with taking it easy. Mine is almost 5months old and I still don't do much housework, though I try to keep on top of things.

I feel better mentally when the house isn't a tip. When mine was a newborn I tried to have bed made, dishwasher unloaded and some laundry on by noon, it made me feel better and didn't take long. I also think it's important (and nice) to have clean sheets and towels regularly, so changed them weekly (at weekend usually while DH watched baby).

IMO it's important to keep kitchen relatively clean and hygienic especially if you're sterilising bottles. The last thing you want is baby (or you) getting a bug. A quick wipe of surfaces with Dettol and keeping on top of dirty dishes isn't difficult. I also tried to hoover once a week, wipe down bathrooms, sweep kitchen floor etc. My reasoning is if I'm at home all day, I can do a few jobs in between BF, TV and naps. Otherwise DH had to do them (after a full day at work and long commute) which didn't seem fair. Also if you keep on top of things (5mins here and there) it doesn't build up. I hated looking at a messy room while cluster-feeding.

Using a sling is great! You can get on with stuff while baby naps.

Coping with a new baby is hard. As my DS got older I've found it helps to be super-organised with certain things. I do 2x laundry loads daily so we have a constant supply of clean clothes, bibs, grow bags, dummies, cot sheets etc. I organise the nappy-bag every eve and put clean clothes out for him and me to save time in the mornings. Once he starts weaning and crawling there'll be even more essential jobs to keep on top of!

My advice is don't feel guilty about doing nothing at the moment, but try to get into a routine soon of doing a bit each day. It will make life easier!

Xmasbaby11 · 04/02/2016 18:57

Yanbu. At this stage your priority is to look after baby and get some rest. Things will be different in a couple of months and it will be much easier to fit in housework aA well as having plenty of time for the baby and to relax. But at 4 weeks ... relax!

Muskey · 04/02/2016 18:59

Apart from going to the hairdressers I did nothing all day. I don't have your excuse my reasoning I have had quite a stressful couple of weeks it was my day off and I didn't want to do anything.

RB68 · 04/02/2016 19:10

my advice is get someone in to blitz the place for you and then keep their number so they can come in for a couple of hours every other week or month whatever. it'll be 20 to 30 quid and a godsend to have someone reliable when you go back to work.

WLmum · 04/02/2016 20:37

That's exactly what I wish I had done with my dd1. Do it and enjoy it it's good for you and your baby. Washing up is not.

ManneryTowers · 04/02/2016 21:02

With DB2 I fully intend to do what you are doing OP! With DS1 I was like a Stepford Wife on speed and I the end no one was happy, everyone was frazzled and stressed and I missed the first six months of enjoying new baby cuddles. Cherish this time and relish in it. You have years of housework and errands ahead of you (sorry about that). Congratulations

Lightbulbon · 04/02/2016 21:05

How is caring for a newborn 'doing nothing'?

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