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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask friend to meet me at the end of her mile long drive?

28 replies

ChunkyStory · 01/02/2016 08:49

I regularly (about weekly) bring back one of my friends daughters from primary school (this is simply a favour, I don't expect/get anything in return and it is only very occasionally reciprocated all of which is absolutely fine). I live in a nearby town but she is rural and lives down a track which is a mixture of big stone gravel bits,mud and holes. It's about a mile long down a hill.
AIBU to ask her to meet me at the end of her drive? I don't have a 4x4 and have to drive really slowly. I'm concerned about my tyres/suspension etc.
Our arrangement has been going for a few years now and I haven't said anything so far.

OP posts:

Cheby · 01/02/2016 08:57

I was with you until you said you'd done if for a few years and haven't said anything. Has anything happened to you car so far? If not I imagine it's probably going to be ok.

In any case, you're doing her a favour so I don't think YABU to ask, it just might seem a bit odd after all this time.

Bluecheese22 · 01/02/2016 09:00

I think after a few years that ship has sailed!

Veritat · 01/02/2016 09:01

If you're doing her a favour I don't see why you shouldn't ask. I don't think the time you have been doing it matters, you can just say your car is getting old/you've noticed that your tyres don't last very well/the garage has said your suspension is dodgy.

Collaborate · 01/02/2016 09:02

Has the state of the track deteriorated? They often do over winter.

If it has, just explain that you can no longer risk driving your car over the track, and she'll have to meet you.

juneau · 01/02/2016 09:03

You're doing her a favour - YANBU.

0hCrepe · 01/02/2016 09:05

I think that's a long way for her to walk uphill.

Only1scoop · 01/02/2016 09:06

How often do you do this? I didn't understand 'about weekly' bit

Sorry

Arfarfanarf · 01/02/2016 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImogenTubbs · 01/02/2016 09:08

I cracked the subframe of my car once, driving up and down a track like this every week. Total write-off. YANBU.

EponasWildDaughter · 01/02/2016 09:09

Tell her your tracking is out and your suspension coil is rusty and you don't want to risk trundling up and down the tack for the 'next few weeks' and could she pop up in her 4x4 and meet you.

(''next few weeks'' = from now on)

redhat · 01/02/2016 09:13

How old is the child? We live down a very long driveway. I would be quite happy with someone dropping off my DCs at the end of the driveway and they can walk up the drive to the house. Unless she's 4/5 (which presumably she isn't if its been going on a few years) why would this be a problem? You're dropping her off in her own garden.

MagratGarlikAgain · 01/02/2016 09:15

How old is the little girl you are dropping off? If she's primary aged but 11 years old, can't she walk down the drive to her house herself? If she's 6 years old I appreciate that's not a reasonable suggestion. Once she's secondary school aged, she'll probably be walking down her drive alone from the school bus drop-off anyway.

ProfGrammaticus · 01/02/2016 09:17

I don't see why the child can't walk the last bit. I'd suggest that and if the mum isn't happy with it she can pick her up and drive her the last mile.

FarrowandBallAche · 01/02/2016 09:18

Need more info.

How old is the child?
Has the track gotten worse?
Has it actually damaged the car?
Why now?

Only1scoop · 01/02/2016 09:18

Is it every day?

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 01/02/2016 09:27

Yep as Redhat and Margat said - if you've been doing this a few years presumably the child is 8+ and can therefore be dropped at the end of the drive to walk the rest of the way (as long as its light, which presumably it always is if this is straight after school not after an activity).

Just tell the mum you will be dropping the child off at the end of the drive as your car isn't handling the rough track any more - you have to let her know first but if she isn't happy she can tell you that she would rather collect her child at the end of the dive.

redhat · 01/02/2016 09:28

You'll probably find her mother is quite happy with you dropping her at the gate. My DC have the run of our land and go down to the gates/in the woods etc all the time without being accompanied. Its part of living somewhere like that.

BarbaraofSeville · 01/02/2016 09:29

Yes, the child should be walking up the track unless dark/rainy and where possible whichever adult is present in the house should come out to meet her, unless there are other DCs or vulnerable others that can't be left.

PolovesTubbyCustard · 01/02/2016 09:31

YWNBU.

You are being quite generous enough delivering her child back to her anyway.

I would say that you aren't happy to drive up and down the track daily any longer.

EponasWildDaughter · 01/02/2016 09:32

If the mum is happy and you do end up dropping the child off in future i'd want to quickly ring mum and tell her as you drop off each time. So she can expect the child at the door in so many minutes.

MidniteScribbler · 01/02/2016 09:36

I'd drop her at the end of the drive, unless it's raining, in which case I'd drop off at the door if the road is passable. I'm presuming this is an older primary school student, not a very young one, in which case she can walk to the house. My farm has no reasonable access for anyone but a 4x4 and I wouldn't expect anyone to drive their fartboxes down it until I eventually get the tracks laid.

Greyponcho · 01/02/2016 09:48

If you're dropping child off because their mum doesn't have a car, ask her to meet child at gate or have you considered changing it so you drop their child at the gate, phoning her mum to check she is in (so as not to end up with stranded child if mum isn't there for whatever reason) before she leaves the car?

Highlandbird · 01/02/2016 10:20

Yadnbu!! We live two miles up a dirt track and I wouldn't dream of expecting anyone to drive up it without a 4x4, or even with! my car is trashed from driving up and down but that's my choice to live here, wouldn't expect anyone else to trash their car....especially if they were doing me a favour!! Also it's a massive inconvenience as it takes up a bigger chunk of your day.

Just tell her she'll have to meet her dd at the gate from now on because you've had a big bill from the garage, or don't want a big bill from the garage!

ExitPursuedByABear · 01/02/2016 10:48

The wheel fell off my car because of driving up and down a bumpy track too fast.

I kid you not. The actual whole wheel fell off - like a dislocation I blocked the track. It was pants.

Pooseyfrumpture · 01/02/2016 11:06

£450 bill here for broken air-con thingy that was behind the radiator grille that got smashed from driving up a gravel track too fast - if you want an excuse say you've had some issues and the garage said it was gravel-related, so from now you'll be phoning when you get to the end of the drive.

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