Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To ignore what everyone keeps telling me?

23 replies

NaNaNaBatman · 31/01/2016 15:59

I've lost a significant amount of weight and I'm just over a stone from my ideal weight which would put me in the middle of the healthy weight category for BMI.

My family keep telling me that I must stop now as I've lost enough but I'm not happy yet, I want to lose another stone and I'll be truly happy.

I've spent most of my life being criticised for being huge and the fact that I've lost so much has now been overshadowed by comments that I'm getting too thin.

AIBU to ignore family and lose the remaining stone?

OP posts:

Wineandrosesagain · 31/01/2016 16:06

YANBU if your target weight is a healthy weight. Just ignore the nay-sayers, don't discuss your diet with them any further and carry on. They may be a little bit jealous too .

And well done for losing so much weight - it is very hard to do and a fantastic achievement.

Trills · 31/01/2016 16:08

They told me to go to rehab and I said NO NO NO.

Bad example, she should have gone.

OurBlanche · 31/01/2016 16:09

No. NU at all!

If another stone puts you mid 'healthy' then go for it. Just don't worry over the remaining pounds too much, you'll only make yourself unhappy and may even make the outspoken pillocks in your life feel they were right

By the way, there is a lot of family psychology research that suggests that a person losing a lot of weight, who has always been 'the fat one' can cause much anxiety in their family, for changing the family dynamic, for not being who they have always been.

Keep that in mind when you shout 'sod off' at them

Lweji · 31/01/2016 16:11

I don't think you're being unreasonable for wanting to lose more weight, but I'd slow down and make sure I got into healthy habits instead of a weight loss plan.

Ameliablue · 31/01/2016 16:11

It depends, I think people who can see you are perhaps better placed to judge and I disagree with BMI as a useful indicator.

Muskateersmummy · 31/01/2016 16:14

For me this depends. Is this being said by people whose opinions you trust? Who you know would tell you the truth? I genuinely believe it is possible to go to far, and when you have lost a substantial amount of weight it takes time for your mind to see what others see. I recently lost a large-ish amount of weight and it has taken a long time for me to see in the mirror what I see in photos and what other people say. I could happily have continued losing more based on what I thought I looked like, but in reality I would have been 5'10 and in a size 6 in most places, which could have started to look a little too slim.

I would suggest speaking to someone you trust totally to tell you the truth, consider their guidance, and then decide. Ultimately you need to be happy with the way you look and feel. Good luck xx

Scarydinosaurs · 31/01/2016 16:14

It could be just a shock for them to see you lose so much. I would be inclined to smile and nod, and crack on with it. They don't need to know if you're dieting or maintaining.

janeisntaboringname · 31/01/2016 16:15

As long as this is being done in a healthy manner then its fine.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 31/01/2016 16:17

Why do you think they are telling you to stop or slow down now?

Twitterqueen · 31/01/2016 16:20

Ignore them. YANBU. I used to get "oh you're too thin!" all the time. I wasn't. And the comments came from overweight people who kept saying stupid things like "oh you're slim so of course you can eat this cream cake..."

It didn't seem to occur to them that I was slim - not thin - because I didn't eat cream cakes...

You've done so well. Don't let silly comments distract you from your personal goal. Congratulations

Smittenkitten2015 · 31/01/2016 16:21

I think people get used to you being bigger and then when you lose weight you look weird to them. That's what happened to me anyway, I was sick of people telling me I looked weird when I didn't at all.

WorraLiberty · 31/01/2016 16:27

YANBU

I imagine people who saw you for the first time, would not think you were too thin.

It's just that your family/friends have you at your old weight to compare to.

Error404usernamenotfound · 31/01/2016 16:43

Sod 'em. If your goal weight is healthy, then the comments are more likely to be based on the difference between how you used to look and how you look now, not on what your personal ideal weight is. OurBlanche makes a very good point re the changing dynamic; if you've always been the 'big one' of the family, then the family members who've always been smaller than you may find it difficult to adjust to your new 'place'.

Error404usernamenotfound · 31/01/2016 16:45

Should have said in my previous post: congratulations on the weight loss!!

SharkSkinThing · 31/01/2016 16:47

Congratulations! I'm half way through my weight loss journey and it's the thought of actually the final goal that motivates me!

I'd feel rubbish if I didn't achieve it.

Just quietly carry on and ignore them!

Good luck.

Fidelia · 31/01/2016 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

NaNaNaBatman · 31/01/2016 16:59

Thank you for your replies.

I know my family mean well, they are very loving and do care about me a lot but I started this weight loss with an end goal and I'm so close to achieving it that I don't want to stop because I'll feel as though I hadn't made it.

I have lost it with a healthy diet and exercise, I have cheat days and treat myself every now and again.

I'll carry on I feel better reading these replies.

I'm just sad that it seems as though my weight loss isn't being thought of and it has turned into negative comments about my weight as I've had them my whole life basically.

OP posts:

mmmuffins · 31/01/2016 17:04

YANBU, I had this. I lost 25kg in the year after starting an active, outdoor job. I wasn't even dieting, but people seemed to think I was going to waste away, and that the weightloss would never stop, and expressed concern.

When my weight finally plateaued, I still had an "overweight" BMI, I hardly wasted down to skin and bones...

DeliciousIrony · 31/01/2016 17:11

I've had this, I think it's quite common to hear cries of "But you MUSN'T lose any more, you'll be far too thin" when you lose weight, even if you could still comfortably lose another stone or more.

Sometime it's out of a genuine place of concern - people who know you well are used to you being a certain size, and the contrast when you lose weight can be mistaken for you looking 'too thin' because you no longer look like you're 'supposed' to. People often think that they're being complimentary when they say things like that, but it doesn't mean that you have to be grateful for unwarranted comments about your body.

Sometimes it's not wholly out of genuine concern for you, either. Weight is such an uncomfortable issue for so many, and when you change yourself it can bring out everyone else's insecurities, so part of them wants you to stay at a more generous size because it maintains the status quo and makes them feel better about themselves.

Well done for getting this far. I would try and just not engage with any more comments if possible, it's up to you how far you continue. As long as you're maintianing a healthy balance with your weight loss efforts, i.e. not letting it dominate every aspect of your life, then that's the main thing. BMI is certainly flawed, but to aim for the middle of the 'healthy' range as a rough guide is probably fine, unless you're unusually musclar.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 31/01/2016 17:22

Some years ago I decided to lose weight because a size 18 in a shop wouldn't do up.

Some months later I was back in the shop buying size 8's that fitted nicely friends and family were positive and pleased for me.

Until I went to a 6 then smaller in my head and on paper I was healthy and good in RL I was a lollipop headed bag of bones I should have listened to them.

We cannot answer your question the best person to talk this over would be someone medically qualified who has a duty of care to you

Muskateersmummy · 31/01/2016 17:26

I have been maintaining my weight for a year now, and I still get told, you really mustn't lose any more weight ... When I point out I have been maintaining for a year, people say "no you are much slimmer when I last saw you" .... Peoples idea of each other's size especially if they don't see you often is strange. If you feel you need to lose some more then keep going, but don't push an arbitrary number on the scales just because that's what you said you were going to do. Look at before and after pics, and are the after pics what you hoped for. Losing weight is way more than what it says on the scales. Xx

Squiffy01 · 31/01/2016 18:09

I would be inclined to listen to them to be honest. What stands out for me is you saying I will be truely happy then but another stone will not change your happiness I wouldn't think.
Also it depends on how big you were to start with think as if you have a lot of loose skin that will be weigh quite a bit (depending on the amount) so what would be in the middle of healthy BMI would then really be quite low.
I would ask a friend you trust. And then make your decision.

Shutthatdoor · 31/01/2016 18:15

It depends, I think people who can see you are perhaps better placed to judge and I disagree with BMI as a useful indicator.

I tend to agree. Many many very healthy sports people according to BMI are morbidly obese

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.