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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say that 'don't feed your baby to sleep' advice is BS

54 replies

NorthernRosie · 31/01/2016 09:19

Ever since I've had my baby this is all I've heard. If you feed your baby to sleep they will wake constantly in the night, you will create a rod for your back, you will never sleep again!! But to me this advice has been bullshit and caused me a lot of stress.

Feeding a baby to sleep is lovely, my daughter loves it and it's a lovely bonding time. And she's never had a sleep problem. She sleeps through the night and has done on and off for months.

But I have spent hours worrying about this and trying to force her to go to sleep without feeding. I've just realised I'm not sure why I am bothering....

OP posts:

Writerwannabe83 · 31/01/2016 10:14

strawberry - those were my concerns too. Due to my shifts I wouldn't be home at bedtime for three nights of the week and sometimes I would be away from home all night. I knew I had to ensure DS could sleep without needing me to feed him. The same with naps, I knew he had to be able to take them without me there to feed him otherwise the childminder, and my DH at the weekends, would be in for a very rough time

LocatingLocatingLocating · 31/01/2016 10:18

writer I had the same kind of issue. DD would fall asleep when feeding, wouldn't finish the feed and then wake up screaming 10 minutes later. And repeat.

It was hell on earth!

The ONLY thing that worked for us was to make sure she never fell asleep whilst feeding ( in fact I'll probably get slated for this but we used the baby whisperer EASY routine which worked amazingly!). Once that was sorted we were home and dry and she has been a brilliant sleeper ever since. And it didn't even involve any CIO of CC, just a bit of routine.

Writerwannabe83 · 31/01/2016 10:24

Me and my DH did CC but a HUGE part of its success was that the Sleep Consultant changed absolutely everything about DS's routine - she was amazing!!! Routine is a huge factor in successful sleeping and it was only after working with her that I really appreciated that. Up until then I was doing 'whatever worked' which was silly really as it clearly wasn't working

Oliversmumsarmy · 31/01/2016 10:28

Fed both of mine to sleep and they slept through from 9weeks and 10 weeks.

IndomitabIe · 31/01/2016 10:32

Locating, I read/heard/saw on TV about he EASY routine, but always got stuck on E. DS fell asleep during every feed, then produced a massive poo, so he'd wake up as I changed him but of course he'd be hungry again (and I'd be lopsided) so then he'd have the other side and immediately fall asleep. How do you actually get to the ASY part?

DangerMouth · 31/01/2016 10:35

I bf dd1 to sleep until she was 6 months. I'm currently rocking dd2 to sleep (4 months) but she was sleeping through so l wasn't bothered. She is now waking up in the night for a chat but self settles back to sleep so l don't see a problem at the moment but realise these are famous last words!

But l really love those snuggly moments and know they don't last.

FanFuckingTastic · 31/01/2016 10:36

As babies was fine with feeding to sleep, as toddlers and children, happy to help them settle and fall asleep at bedtime still. DS has nightmares, and DD is more unsettled through the night, so I like to make bedtime comforting and calming.

Bedtime/nighttime feeding was my absolute favourite part of babies, and I still adore watching my children fall asleep and they're ten and almost eight.

IslandGirlie · 31/01/2016 10:38

I co-slept and fed to sleep with eldest, basically I slept with my boobs hanging out and DS latching on when he needed to sleep. I was recovering from infected stitches etc and I needed rest and the only time it was difficult was when we had to put him in his cot 1yr plus, that was a mare but other than that I don't think how I would have survived w/o sleep to feed. He was a snacker & only fed rugby hold day time so at 4m when he was able to feed lying down I was over the moon and carried on. I loved the snuggles too

cornishglos · 31/01/2016 10:38

Fanfuckingtastic. I like that.

anastaisia · 31/01/2016 17:11

YANBU

If other people don't want to do it that's their choice and absolutely fine - but babies are designed to nurse to sleep. The act triggers the release of relaxing hormones for both mother and baby. The suckling action is not only soothing but also appears to be protective against SIDS (which is why dummies can be recommended as they mimic that). Falling asleep is a perfectly normal physiological reaction to nursing and if you're happy with it then there's no need to change it - all babies grow out of it at some point anyway.

meditrina · 31/01/2016 17:16

"And she's never had a sleep problem."

Lucky you.

When I had one baby, and something went right, I thought I'd got all the answers. Then came babies 2 and 3, I did the same, expected the same results, and that just didn't happen.

if you have a baby with a sleep problem, then feeding to sleep is quite likely to make things worse. That's who the advice is intended for and why

anastaisia · 31/01/2016 17:17

Strawberry both have mine have always fed to sleep when I've been around at bed time until they've grown out of it on their own.

But my mum and their dads have found other ways to settle them to sleep when I've been out at work or with friends that hasn't involved feeding them at all. Older daughter's dad used to drive her around with particular songs on to get her to nap in the day time until a bit of a sleep association developed so the songs worked at home too. Current DP used to use the sling with our little one - then moved to reading stories and cuddles in bed. If I'm not around they've both been happy to accept the comfort and settling that is on offer from other people even while they still fed to sleep for ages more when I was home.

LocatingLocatingLocating · 31/01/2016 20:10

indomitable we just kept DD awake by any means. Feet/chin ticking, jiggling, mid feed nappy change if necessary. Once you've managed to keep them awake during feed, then the 'activity' bit could be very short (nappy change if not already done, chatting to LO etc).

Original poster

NorthernRosie · 31/01/2016 20:15

*meditrina' I don't think I have 'all the answers.' Far from it. I just have realised that I've been incredibly stressed over something that doesn't seem to be affecting me or my daughter in a negative way. Therefore I'm thinking the advice not to feed to sleep should not be blanket advice.

OP posts:

RoboticSealpup · 31/01/2016 20:41

It's insane advice. The kind of counter intuitive bullshit that can drive you totally crazy to try to follow. I don't think anyone in my family would have slept for months if I had tried that.

WickedGirl · 31/01/2016 20:50

I work as a maternity night nanny........I "know" what I "should" do to get babies to sleep independently.

Yes babies do need to learn how to fall asleep without "props". However, there is nothing nicer than a snugly baby falling asleep in your arms. I breastfed my own four and although I didn't do it every time, I certainly did feed to sleep sometimes. Bedtime and through the night were always "fed to sleep" feeds.

Pipsqueak23 · 31/01/2016 21:00

You will hear multiple comments about that "rod" from other parents and also from people without children (who Obvs know everything about raising a child)

Ignore them.

Do what you believe is best and what works for you.

I am a single mum and at the moment (the rod I am supposedly making for my back) my DS will wake up between 1am and 3am and come in with me for the rest of the night. It works for us. Neither of us ends up sleep deprived the next day and my DS gets the reassurance he is obviously needing at the moment.

Every child is different. Yes take on board advice, in the sense that, you may not have thought of it but just because it works for them does bot mean it will work for you.

BillSykesDog · 31/01/2016 21:05

My best friend's little boy still wakes in the night at his feeding times and she struggles to get him back to sleep and he is four. It's a nightmare for them tbh. I think she regrets doing it. It isn't necessarily going to happen, but I think it is something to bear in mind. I suspect for every person who has no problems like you there's another who maybe regrets it.

So maybe they shouldn't tell people unequivocally that it's going to happen, but I think it's fair for people to warn of the possibility, especially if they've been there. I don't think that unequivocally saying there would be no problems is helpful either.

icclemunchy · 31/01/2016 21:07

I still feed DD 13mons to sleep. When she goes to the childminder she just goes down for a nap and always has because she has not other option. Tbh she's never made a fuss about it her routine there is different to at home and she seems to just get it

notquiteruralbliss · 31/01/2016 21:08

I think it depends. I co slept / fed on demand until DCs were old enough to chose and help assemble their own beds, so of course I fed them to sleep. However, I worked long hours and wanted to spend as much of my time outside work as possible with my DCs. If I had been a SAHP with a partner who worked long hours, I might have felt differently.

Pyjamaramadrama · 31/01/2016 21:27

I don't exactly think it's bs.

No one should tell you not to feed to sleep if it's working for you and your baby. No one should tell you you're wrong for cosleeping or feeding to sleep and babies aren't babies for long.

But it doesn't work for some people long term. Older babies can become more difficult to just fall asleep meaning lots of fussing and broken sleep, some parents prefer their dc to sleep in their own cot. Some babies wake as soon as they're put down and the mum might want her evenings back or to be able to do other things while the baby is asleep. If the baby is waking lots during the night for the comfort of the breast rather than hunger it could end up meaning broken sleep for everyone.

Some people think getting into habits from early on might save tears later on.

Bluecarrot · 31/01/2016 21:27

I fed my dd to sleep until she turned 2. She adapted much quicker than I thought she would. I didn't feel tied at the time but it did feel like a whole new world was opening up to me again once she settled well without me ( her dad could get her over, but it was a case of letting her watch TV til she fell asleep. Not a great plan for regular use!) looking forward to them having a weekend away at his parents with her soon.

Bluecarrot · 31/01/2016 21:29

And if I have any more, I'll prob try feeding til almost asleep rather than completely zonked out. But if it doesn't work out, I'll enjoy every last sleepy moment!

Ashhead24 · 31/01/2016 22:06

I BF my DS to sleep, it was brilliant until he turned 3 months, then he started waking up 7-9 times every night. He'd suck for 30 seconds then be back to sleep. It was exhausting. I went through a couple of weeks of this before I couldn't cope and had to put him into a proper routine using a distancing method. Wish BF to sleep had worked for us, really didn't want to be "strict" with him, but he can now self settle and only wakes 2-3 times a night (5.5 months).

dietcokeandwine · 31/01/2016 22:27

I don't think it's bullshit necessarily.

The problem is that for every baby who just naturally and gently grows out of the need to feed to sleep and learns how to self settle, there are another ten who don't. Who wake multiple times a night. Aged one, two, three, four, five and beyond. Whose parents are miserable and exhausted. Who are themselves miserable and exhausted because they cannot sleep independently and are chronically overtired. Whose parents are wishing they'd done things differently.

Look at the sleep threads on here: it's all the proof you need. What works brilliantly for one is a disaster for another. Feeding to sleep solves problems and creates problems. It probably creates more long term problems than it solves short term ones,in all honesty. Short term gain for long term pain.

So YANBU and YABU

(I fed all three of mine to sleep during the early newborn days btw and agree it's both a gorgeous experience and an absolute lifesaver. But at some point a baby needs to learn to sleep independently, and if they don't it can make life horrible for everyone).

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