To be annoyed that I seem to lack presence?

[Flamingoblue1]

Hello all. It's came to my attention that I appear to lack presence. I'm in quite a senior job and have been for a while. Never had an issues getting a job or getting on with colleagues. I, however, lack presence. I find that my point, although valid, often go overlooked and people talk over me. This has been a problem in all 4 jobs I've had in my career. Today it happened again and I feel that other people are stronger characters. I won't talk or run my mouth if I'm not right and don't like confrontation so maybe that's an issue. It's started to become apparent that I'm a weak person and that doesn't feel good

Watching with interest.

Here's a tip that helped me in this situation. Attend a meeting that is important for someone else and watch the dynamics. Are people routinely talked over? Do others start points that get ignored? It was a complete revelation to me that this happens all the time and not just to me. Other people just have thicker skin.

This a bit odd. But you know when someone talks over you, but you assume you know more/they are a bit of an arse. Just keep talking: I only ever back down if I assume the person I'm speaking to/ over, knows more than me and has a valid opinion. If not, I just keep on talking. Just do it. If you are right, people will listen.

This is such a fascinating thread!
Really want to read Gravitas book now!

Amy Cuddy has her first book out last week called "Presence" - it's good so far!

Keep your head still is my tip. Woman bob their heads about all the time to look empathetic and kind and unsure. It's very low-status but nobody ever tells us. Look at good speakers like Obama etc. They keep their heads still and although they do smile, there isn't a desperate "like me, please" smile all the time.

The thing that makes some men tough interviewers is the fact that they keep their heads still, they don't fanny around with little "fillers", their expression is neutral and they are more direct. Women, by default, try to please and bond. Try and stop that.

This thread has reminded me that I must get around to looking into Transactionsl Analysis (alongside the other books/videos recommended). I'm Ok, You're Ok looks like a good place to start - might be worth a look, OP.

I'm loving this thread! As an officer in the armed forces it's difficult as a woman to have presence. Especially as I'm 5 foot nothing and am constantly surrounded by very tall men, the place whiffs of testosterone! I've taken on board so many of these tips, especially the 'head bob' I do this all. The. Time. And have tried to do it less, now I will really try as you're absolutely right, I think it does look desperate!
I really like the tips for meetings as well, pick a central seat and try and say something first.
This is one of the most relevant and fascinating threads I've read for a while!

I was also going to recommend the book Gravitas..

Putting Gravitas on my reading list! Great thread.

Perfect timing! You need 'Presence' by Amy Cuddy. She's awesome. Look up her TEDtalk and you'll see what I mean.

Her book's just out. Here's the link: amzn.to/1P5Lu4a

Very interesting thread!
And some nice practical tips.

It's only when you realise that your behaviours/ways of expressing yourself in emails/writing send off a certain strong message (& not always a good one!), then you can do something positive to change it for the better.

I'm reading this with interest as I have the same problem...infuriating when people in management couldn't manage a tea party but have come in as managers from other companies. and clearly promoted the generally useless
I get the part about looking the part but when you wear a uniform then that's irrelevant.
I've worked on body language and I know others have said I'm more confident. The issue I have is I'm good at my job and because of poor management they have a high turnover of staff they just keep me there, or they are screwed.
I'm frustrated and bored but I do like where I work and the job is not bad. If I didn't need more money it would be easy to sit back and coast.

Its just very annoying to hear about the opportunities they offer to 20yr olds who then leave anyway when the reality is I'm overlooked because I'm middle-aged so they don't want to train me and I'm generally invisible as a result.

@Flamingoblue1 realise this is really old but I’m having the same issue and your post resonated. Did you take any action in the end (either to improve your presence or change your role)?