To not want to offer tissue donation on my Donor Card - possibly upsetting.

[focusedmum]

DH and I recently had a conversation regarding the news that families were stopping organ donation after a loved ones death despite a valid organ card being held by that loved one. We both made our wishes absolutely clear where one or neither of us are able to decide. The decision was that absolutely we should offer everything we could.

This morning I saw on the news that the NHS are to start offering hand transplants. At first I thought WOW and rushed to tell my daughter who has no hand. She was horrified by the idea and said she would feel like frankenstein's monster walking around with another set of fingerprints. (i know in different circumstances people would feel different so not really questioning this).

However this got me thinking about where it all stops! I am not sure I would be happy to donate my face or whole limbs or that of my DH/Close family members (I have not included my DC in this as I have no idea how I would feel if this were the case). I have looked at the donor register and presume this would come under tissue although looking at the website it does not mention whole limbs at all or even face transplant.

Obviously there are elements of the tissue donation I am fine with but it seems you have to accept all or not at all. My DH has also said that he would not want me to donate certain parts (like the face or limbs)

So my question is AIBU to understand it like this and for those who hold donor cards, did you speak to your loved ones about it? did you take their wishes into consideration?

I think the issue many people have is that a transplant has to be taken from a 'living' breathing body. Lots of people feel that you're not dead until you're cold and dead. So they might object to transplants, but not worry about a postmortem.But you can't take most transplants from a cold dead body. Interestingly I think the corneas are an exception to this though.

DH and I are of the same mind-set, thankfully, that once dead anything of use should be used. We're both on the donor register. My mum received a double lung transplant several years ago. We are forever grateful for the donation and to the family of the deceased.

I definitely think the organ donor register should have more power; next of kin should not IMO be allowed to overrule the wishes of their relative under any circumstances.

I do understand people being a little perturbed by corneal transplants or face transplants, for example, but the thing is if your loved one donated their corneas or face tissue you would never know it to see it. You wouldn't look into a strangers eyes and see the eyes of your partner. Nor would you recognise a donated face once transplanted.

It's not actual 'eyes' iirc, it's corneas. I don't know if that makes a difference to anyone's thinking...

Good luck to anyone getting my hands. They're knackered.

And my fingerprints have worn off.

Jux, yes you can either donate your body to medical science OR for organ transplants. For that reason I'm on the donor register while I'm young, but should I live to a ripe old age I'll look into donating my whole body when the time comes.

Readyplayerone, thanks, but also can you do both? Donate bits and the rest of you goes to medical science minus those bits?

I'm really hoping when I do die something of me IS in a good enough condition to be a spare part for someone else. That would be, to me , another blow should I have say terminal cancer- that I would die and not be able to help anyone as my final act (though if I have something interesting and either dissection and demonstration to medical students, or bits kept in bottles /freezers is useful, carry on as well!).

Remember corneas and heart valves can still be used from non heart beating donors. Must remind my family.

It's a bit difficult to study the blood supply to the liver when the liver has been removed!

Also, at the end of a cadaver's year, medical schools hold a memorial service for families who want it, so they're not disposed of without a second thought.

With regards to donating a loved ones eyes, I hope this will help reassure some people as it was a huge fear of mine.

When my twin sister died her liver and eyes were donated. When I saw her at the Chapel of Rest, there was no sign of her eyes having been donated; no cuts, sunken holes etc. Sorry if that's too graphic but it was something I really worried about but honestly, you wouldn't have known.

I am pro organ donation (I bought it up with the Drs before they did) but it's the ultimate gift and one someone has to be completely comfortable with. Only register to potentially donate whatever you feel comfortable with op

I read the book Stiff before deciding about donating my body to science. You can't specify what department of science you end up in, so you could be the lucky one being given a face-lift, nose-job, designer vagina...Or fancy being a crash test dummy?

I don't know if it's for me. All the family are well aware that every bit of me can be donated when I'm gone though. I don't need it!

Cadavers are treated with utmost respect. They are essential for med students. I don't want to do it though as i dont want my kids to knowingly have to cremate an empty coffin. Maybe I will feel differently when my body is past its best as regards transplant material.

I don't think you can do both anyway. Isn't it transplant or medical research? Unless the research is on a specific organ not required for transplant?

Yes Alisvolatpropiis I had nightmares about that book!

Thank you for sharing your post Rusty. I'm sorry your sister died

I hate this whole mindset that the doctors won't save you if you're on the organ donation register - it's such idiotic crap.

If a person said to me that they weren't comfortable donating I would respect that more.

DH and I are both signed up to donate - our children are too. We've been a family waiting for an organ and there is such a shortage. My son will one day be waiting for a new lungs/heart. There isn't an alternative such as dialysis so no organs means death.

I follow the story of this lady called Ashley who is a new mum who has recently had a transplant - it's not an easy road for families who donate, but equally the road of a recipient isn't a walk in the park either.

tilder, having recently cremated my Mum, it would have been nice not to have to cremate her. To wave her body off on it's journey to the medical school would have felt fine, rather than off, well into the oven. We would still have a service and party to celebrate her life after all.

One of he nicest ( apart from Mums of course) funeral celebrations I attended was where the cremation happened 1st and the service in the church without the coffin, but the coffin toper flowers at the front as a focus instead.

And yep, you can even use me as a crash test dummy - I wont care and others will be in safer cars.

I will say anything to my living relatives to keep their peace of mind, but if they go first, they will be donating.

I am donating my entire body.

If I go first my relatives have made it clear they will not honour my wishes and they will refuse to donate.
So I've decided to do tit for tat.

I do recall reading somewhere that eyes are especially hard to get, especially for children, because we attach so much emotional importance to our eyes. I do as well, of course, but if somebody desperately needs eyes, their situation and feelings are so much more important than me being squicked out about it.

Equally for my children. If anything ever happened to one of them, it would give me comfort to know that they were able to save many several lives and give sight, and that a part of them lived on.

Thank you for your kind words Ready

Do they use dead bodies as crash test dummies? I always thought they used models. I'd quite like the idea of that if I couldn't donate, I could be part of something really useful.

I'll give any bit of me. In some ways especially my eyes as I love the fact that although I'm v short sighted and so need my contact lenses/glasses to see, my eyes could give someone else sight.

I hate the thought of anyone I love dying. But if their death could make things better for someone else then why wouldn't you do it? I'm not sure what I believe happens after we're dead but whatever it is, we can't take our bodies with us

I'm pretty sure face transplants don't result in the recipient looking the spitting image of the donor if that's whats putting some people off. Your bones and what not are different anyway. Its like cling filming a chicken then reusing it to cling film a lamb chop or something, just covers what is there.

I'm considering body donation as well, any procedures I've had in hospital I've been ok with having students in to observe so might as well keep it going after I'm gone!
DH is down for anything bar his corneas but a) he has glaucoma and is pretty sure they wouldn't want them anyway and b) has a thing about anyone messing with eyes - which is great when he wear contacts and has to have his many tests...
However he reckons I can override that one anyway so he's not changing it!
As far as visible body parts are concerned I think it's up to the individual on both sides of the argument - it does seem a little Frankenstein's monster to me at the moment but this is a new thing, as/if it gets more commonplace most people will think differently.

I was an organ donor for years, but since I've had cancer have been told by the donor register that I can't be any more. I can understand this with all my internal organs, but would have thought my eyes might be OK for corneal transplant.

I'm not sure about donating my body for medical students - my body has a lot of bits missing so maybe wouldn't be much use also I worry about my family not having the chance of a funeral, so I haven't made the decision on that yet, although I guess you can have a funeral without a body.

My son has filled in all the forms etc for leaving his body for medical research, and (God forbid) anything should happen to him His wife and I (although obv. it will be her decision ultimately) would respect his wishes.

It's very tough - I do think the wishes of those left behind are very important and I wouldn't want to force my loved ones into anything they were truly uncomfortable with, but I think those wishes apply more to funeral arrangements than organ donation - medical people treat bodies very respectfully. When my brother died there was a post mortem, but you couldn't see that his body had been cut - it was respectfully dealt with.

They can have whatever they want from me, I'll be dead so wont give a shiny shit. Have also said they can have body for science.
As for them not working as hard to save you because you're on the donor list, what complete and utter bollocks.

YANBU at all OP. It's your body and your gift - you can donate as much or as little as you like.